Mosquito

Mosquito

A Poem by Dearantlers

Buzz, buzz,

In my ear.

 

Suck, suck,

There goes my blood.

 

Slap, slap,

Hand on my arm.

 

Fly, fly,

It got away!

 

Swell, swell,

Goes the bite.

 

Scratch, scratch,

Fingers go on the bump.

 

Buzz, buzz,

In my ear

© 2011 Dearantlers


Author's Note

Dearantlers
I thought of this poem while I was walking through one of my fields slapping mosquitos. It's not very good, and suggestions of how to make it better would be awesome. Thanks so much for your reviews, and taking the time to read it!

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Featured Review

This feels like the sort of poem that should rhyme, for example:

Slap, Slap,
hand on arm.

Fly, Fly,
They begin to swarm...

Yeah, I'm not too good at poetry either.
there are some elements that I really like about it though, the repetitive patterns at the beginning of each stanza. that's cool. and how the last stanza is the same as the first, implying that the whole cycle starts over again.

Good job!

Posted 13 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Haha. . I think that's the order of actions for everyone when those stupid mosquitos come around. . Ideas how to make it better? I have no idea, but I think it's good the way it is.Great job

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i think it is really good i have never read a peom quite like that but it is good to be different

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

you entered this poem into one of my contest and you were in the top four untill one more spectacular poem came but you lasted for 2 days.
You should kepp writing poems like this.
they dont have very many words but are still great.
great details. you descrided enough for the reasder to understand but you didnt do to many details.
overall Great Poem!!!

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

...LOL way too cute

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Haha funny concept! I like it.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This feels like the sort of poem that should rhyme, for example:

Slap, Slap,
hand on arm.

Fly, Fly,
They begin to swarm...

Yeah, I'm not too good at poetry either.
there are some elements that I really like about it though, the repetitive patterns at the beginning of each stanza. that's cool. and how the last stanza is the same as the first, implying that the whole cycle starts over again.

Good job!

Posted 13 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

So creative to make a whole poem about the topic. I have mosquito bites all over, it is quite annoying, especially since I have to show up to work with big huge red splotches on me now.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this. I hate those little creatures. Every time I step outside that swarm me. I have bites all over. Very well written.

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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18 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 3, 2011
Last Updated on June 3, 2011

Author

Dearantlers
Dearantlers

Where unicorns roam wild, dragons soar overhead, and pickles sing



About
I'm either a girl or a boy. I live somewhere. I like to read and write, though I'm sure you figured that one out since I'm on writerscafe. As of when I'm writing this, I'm 8672487 minutes old. Never m.. more..

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