Mosquito

Buzz, buzz,

In my ear.

 

Suck, suck,

There goes my blood.

 

Slap, slap,

Hand on my arm.

 

Fly, fly,

It got away!

 

Swell, swell,

Goes the bite.

 

Scratch, scratch,

Fingers go on the bump.

 

Buzz, buzz,

In my ear…

Author's Note

I thought of this poem while I was walking through one of my fields slapping mosquitos. It's not very good, and suggestions of how to make it better would be awesome. Thanks so much for your reviews, and taking the time to read it!

Reviews

[Cricket Kidd]

This feels like the sort of poem that should rhyme, for example:

Slap, Slap,
hand on arm.

Fly, Fly,
They begin to swarm...

Yeah, I'm not too good at poetry either.
there are some elements that I really like about it though, the repetitive patterns at the beginning of each stanza. that's cool. and how the last stanza is the same as the first, implying that the whole cycle starts over again.

Good job!

[Archia]

I like how the structure is constant and repetitive. And also how it ends with ...

[Sarah]

quite funny it is really

[Harmonica winds]

LOL, this is so cute and clever. Enjoyable read.

[johnnyqueer]

This is cool, its a simple read. Kind of funny. I like how the first and last stanza are the same, ties the piece together well.

[...]

LOL, Love this write.
Aweosme!

[ImagineItAll]

It was a very light read :-) Very enjoyable.

[hbosman]

Liked it! Pretty basic but cute!

[Shalini Dinesh]

haha, funny poem, i hate mosquito, on other hand who loves it, irritating one, i can just visualize it, i liked the sounds you created in it.....

[PyroKitty24]

haha I loved it! So funny, and yet so true~

[Hunter C. Brown]

i like the poem very much, though i feel like some of the lines have excess syllables. good work and keep on writing!!!