Thoughts and Ideas... Venting... Would be better in a blog.

I sometimes think about a couple things in life. If I'm going to be able to eat tomorrow, if my girlfriend is ok, and if my family who works out of town are going to be safe on their ride back. I don't think that they realize such things, and I wish I could do something to change that. No matter how hard I try to make a big change it usually ends with failure and misery. So I just stopped trying.

I guess that is a poor thing to do is just watch the wind blow in all sorts of directions and have no control of whatever it is I'm doing, but that's alright. I learned to cope with this strategy. Except, I now have come to the realization that what happens when the wind stops blowing, and my world becomes a doldrum. I don't have any direction. I have ideas of what to do, but I have no foundation. I don't have any motivation. I'm scared. I'm scared of the things that come with not knowing what the future hold. I'll try to do things, but I guess opening a new beginning is the start to where things begin and where they end.

I don't care if nobody reads my things. I just want to use this database as a coping mechanism. I'm not the best writer and I always happen to be Mr. Second Place or missing one point off to become part of the winners circle. I don't understand why, but maybe its because I have the fear of what happens after I win. I will try to put things further, but I guess it starts where I told myself I would do. Get a job.

Author's Note

It's a coping mechanism, and a journal of stories.