Astronomical Consequences

 

Every slip of the tongue

Is another shooting star

       I miss…

              Can’t wish upon.

Within the moon’s protective glare

Are the secrets that sleep

During the day…

       If awoken by the sunrays

The earth’s axis would dry up

Causing the world to stop spinning

Making high noon and the witching hour

One in the same…

       Two personalities

              Becoming one

Till the sky is a permanent gray

Before the big bang.

Reviews

[just rose.]

This is a really interesting spin on the Hegelian dialectic i.e. thesis, antithesis, synthesis. It's interesting to see what happens when opposites collide ... it seems there is a sort of dullness or sameness suggested that nevertheless precludes a further, startling action. What interests me also is the emotion that may have informed this lofty thinking ... I often measure who and what I am against that light from the stars, which started many years before just to reach my eyes. Brilliant. Great line breaks too. Very lyrical and effective RRC.

[JENY]

Haaai..
A very rare and new theme…..
But…never shall those two personalities
Become one….
That will be the end of humanity
Fantastic….writing…

[Stacey Watts]

I like the contrasts and imagery here. It is amazing how we do not always realize the importance of the masterpiece of nature by design. Very well written.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I like the cosmos use and 'the big bang' .. love the poem one of your best for me to continue to think on .. beautiful..

Chloe

[Ellen Hammond]

Profoundly philosophical! This write makes me think and that's a good thing. LOL

Opposites do attract, but should they pursue a relationship, their union could become very volatile and each slip of the tongue could be the spark that makes it explode.

Well penned, my friend.

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

This is a very interesting piece. One way I know a work is strong is when I go back to read it more than once. I did that with this. You use various devices to strengthen this, like alliteration, and a form that seems to match the subject matter. Very nicely done.

[Ladysue]

Oh Dale, this is phenomenal writing. I had to read this a couple times.
These lines are quite powerful and pack a very thought provoking image.
Within the moon’s protective glare
Are the secrets that sleep
During the day…
If awoken by the sunrays
The earth’s axis would dry up

Brilliant indeed!!! One of your best writings!!!

[Jamie S.]

Im getting that this is about two people that are too powerful personalities. When its great its awesome but when it goes bad its Astronomical Consequences?? Great write, its got me pondering!

[An owl on the moon]

There is an intimate vastness to your words, reaching us into the first moment of time up until that last verbal slip. You create a vibrant place for lives to intersect and drift.

[Jenny Nelson]

Interesting. Like the way it's written out. I like this. I'm kind of taking it as someone working out just who they are and trying to figure out just where they want to go, but it could be two people coming together. It's good when a poem's open so you can apply as it fits your experiences. It reaches more folks that way. Very nice write!

[Brokensoul]

Its very philosophical and suggestive.
Every slip of the tongue
Is another shooting star
I miss…
Beautiful line!

P.S-But sadly I did not get the gist ! Care to explain