Astronomical Consequences

 

Every slip of the tongue

Is another shooting star

       I miss…

              Can’t wish upon.

Within the moon’s protective glare

Are the secrets that sleep

During the day…

       If awoken by the sunrays

The earth’s axis would dry up

Causing the world to stop spinning

Making high noon and the witching hour

One in the same…

       Two personalities

              Becoming one

Till the sky is a permanent gray

Before the big bang.

Reviews

[just rose.]

This is a really interesting spin on the Hegelian dialectic i.e. thesis, antithesis, synthesis. It's interesting to see what happens when opposites collide ... it seems there is a sort of dullness or sameness suggested that nevertheless precludes a further, startling action. What interests me also is the emotion that may have informed this lofty thinking ... I often measure who and what I am against that light from the stars, which started many years before just to reach my eyes. Brilliant. Great line breaks too. Very lyrical and effective RRC.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Every bitter word from your tongue builds and builds towards the final climax of goodbye...........excellent

[Liza]

hmmmmmm....the image selected set my mind to see this pieces as roots being torn off and foundations being elevated into another realm....the ending confirmed the moment of creation having no set formula or limitations - we never know when things will fall upon us (inspiration, life changing moments and our love being ignited) this was a wonderful abstract to me that can be taken in different ways.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Wonderful tale - succinct and beautifully descriptive!

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

grips attention rapt~ what a lovely celestial dance with existence~ gorgeous~

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Very deep, a nice piece of work. I like the word play and the imagrey you painted. A nice title as well, which pulled me in initially. I like your originality in your writing. keep it up friend.

luv kena sungoddess dawn

[emmajoy]

Not sure where the metaphor is, if there is one .. the night and day, the two sides of a character .. whichever, you've worded thoughts that really have me thinking. The sky, the view we have on life, is grey until we open up our thinking ..

'Every slip of the tongue
Is another shooting star
I miss…
Can’t wish upon.'

We need contradiction, we need everything .. otherwise we miss it all.

[Georgia Gypsy]

The imagry in this is amazing! Puts me out into the universe, and also i see the beauty of two people combining their lives to become one force, definately a wonderful piece of work!!

[J.Black]

Ok. I'm taking this astronomy class this summer and boy let me tell you, this drew me in like crazy Dale! I LOVE this. I don't even think I can really highlight a specific point that I liked best. I've never really read someone on here before who's done such a thing. CREATIVE! Oh the Big Bang. I think this is your best. Outstanding.

[Elizabeth]

Huh this is so interesting. It's short, but has a lot to say. Your imagery is interesting and the ideas aren't things I often stumble upon in others writing.
My favorite part:
"Till the sky is a permanent gray" Curious image
Great piece :)

[Poeticpiers]

Its what happens after the Big Ban which concerns me.
Look what happened last time.We did