Dead Bang!!

  

Though the gun may have

A silencer

The bullet feels the same.

Memories of your lips

Is a shot through the heart.

Lingering traces of your breath

Feels like gunpowder in my veins

Clogging up my arteries

Till my heart experiences a dead bang.

Always thought I was the trophy

You so proudly displayed

Instead

I was the kill for the thrill.

Now laying where I stood

Before you found me

I feel the perfect fool

For not seeing I was the hunted

In your twisted game.

Yet I take comfort

In knowing

That I am not alone,

For that I would have to exist.

Lucky me I am now a carcass

With a soul carved to the bone.

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

Whoa Cowboy......intense and raw emotion here, spilling out from the spent out, used up trophy image from one who obviously didn't give a damn about the real man! I like your use of phrases like, "gunpowder in my veins"....such powerful words, as this would surely set one on fire!
It is all good, but the last line....soul carved to the bone - that just takes it home to the carving board of "you killed me" love! Hopefully, the gun will be reloaded with special gold point bullets that will only fire when full of love!
Great write my friend!

[closed account]

ouch... so raw,, and and painful.. this was an excellent write
I love how you can twist it around and turn a victim to victorious!!
great poetry...

[Stacey Watts]

What a very honest heart aching write. The emotions flare off the page creating a soul cautioning love lost. I can feel the sadness and the anger in this piece. Very well written. I hope you heal soon.

[Kayleen]

wow this was cool. you can feel the emotion and i love the comparisons :)

[Skelasoldier]

Wow the comparison between guns and love havent been put so good in words, Excellent work

[~Mariposa Una Lila~]

you are a sweet heart....i love all of your poetry....i think of you, smile and laugh, and play our favorite song...you know what I'm sayin' lil cowman! love you sweetie...hope you are having a great day! x0x0x

[barricade]

One word...PERFECT!

so intense and powerful! loved it! can completely feel each word! great write my friend! this one goes straight to my favorites!!!!
keep it up!

Barricade...

[~Mary Ann~]

Ouch... love and respect have a powerful effect doesn't it. It has the power to heal all wounds of the past. Without it, one can feel empty and lost.. especially when one believes the love that was given was true and real until you discover the truth. It is a betrayal that cuts to the bone. Unfortunately, many have been there.. but never lose hope.. a love is out there somewhere... and it will heal the soul, rebuild the trust and faith, and fill the heart with love. :) A powerful piece... well done Dale Vincent. :p

[ape domenigoni]

wow, this is powerful stuff, I really enjoyed reading it...

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow.. lots of different emotions running through this.. I sure know how it feels like to be regarded as a trophy.. it sux! I would rather be admired for what is inside.. than outside... however I battle with the fact I like to sometimes dress up and down.. when I dress up I feed the trophy image. A real sense in this writing of feeling used .. for cosmetic purposes by another.. and wow it hurts when you find out they didn't care as much as you think they did... dead bang to the heart! Left feeling like a carcass when they are done..a soul carved to the bone.. very deep. I can FEEL this .. truly. Thank you for sharing! =)