Dead Bang!!

  

Though the gun may have

A silencer

The bullet feels the same.

Memories of your lips

Is a shot through the heart.

Lingering traces of your breath

Feels like gunpowder in my veins

Clogging up my arteries

Till my heart experiences a dead bang.

Always thought I was the trophy

You so proudly displayed

Instead

I was the kill for the thrill.

Now laying where I stood

Before you found me

I feel the perfect fool

For not seeing I was the hunted

In your twisted game.

Yet I take comfort

In knowing

That I am not alone,

For that I would have to exist.

Lucky me I am now a carcass

With a soul carved to the bone.

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

Whoa Cowboy......intense and raw emotion here, spilling out from the spent out, used up trophy image from one who obviously didn't give a damn about the real man! I like your use of phrases like, "gunpowder in my veins"....such powerful words, as this would surely set one on fire!
It is all good, but the last line....soul carved to the bone - that just takes it home to the carving board of "you killed me" love! Hopefully, the gun will be reloaded with special gold point bullets that will only fire when full of love!
Great write my friend!

[Magdelena]

This was fab! Really intence and the imagery that came forth was so powerful that I could picture the pain.

Heck there were so many lines in this that to pick my favorite would be next to impossiable. You do great writes Cowboy!! Enjoyed this one tremendously!

Oh I was so into your music I didn't want to leave, LOL Great bio!

[deeps]

Wow! This has drenching emotion in it
I like this very much so. This is a most
wonderful write. I sincerely mean that.

[Honeypot]

Really sad poem, with an excellent use of metaphors. I especially liked:

Lingering traces of your breath
Feels like gunpowder in my veins
Clogging up my arteries

Great job.

[Ladysue]

Wow, intense indeed. Your emotions definitely come out and strong. They made for a really great read. Great wording...very powerful piece. Great write!

[Brianna Brie]

This is great. Love the play of words to lay out a perfect metaphor. Wish I thought of it. This leaves a smirk on my face, and honestly I am not sure what that means.

[---]

Wow...I am honestly speechless. This was amazing.

"Though the gun may have

A silencer

The bullet feels the same."

This could be the perfect intro to a song. It speaks. EXCELLENT! Vous est tres bien!!

~Phoenix~

[Wicahpi]

I LIKE!!! Now I got that song in my brain "Shot Through the Heart and Your To Blame"
Seems boys aren't the only one who do the shooting, huh? This is a wonderful description
of being caught in someone's web. Thank you for the read!

This is about being cheated on, I suppose. Played and then left for dead. Metaphorically, I mean.
Brilliant way of expressing that pain, that emotion.

[Babbette Francis]

Wow, that was awesome. Love the comparison of pain of memories to bullets.
and this...
Lingering traces of your breath
Feels like gunpowder in my veins
Clogging up my arteries...

Awesome!!!

[Katherine Wyatt]

It sickens me when people use like this.. beautifully expressed!