Jim Valik, P.I.- chapter one

Just a glimpse into the main character

  

I was brutally awakened by a pounding in my head, probably the results of last nights encounter.  Rubbing my eyes I squinted and through blurry vision I made the time out to be seven-thirty.  As the pounding continued it occurred tome that it wasn’t in my head but at my front door.

            “Who the f**k is that?”

            Throwing on a robe to cover anything my boxers didn’t I made my way down the hall.  The knocking was getting louder and more frequent.

            “All right I’m coming all ready!”  I shouted, just then stubbing my toe on the chair I wasn’t paying attention while passing through the dining room.  “S**t, God damn it!  Some one better be dead or someone is gonna die!”

            My hopes that yelling a threat would cause the person to leave came to a disappointing end when I opened the door and saw my next door neighbor standing there.

            “What the hell happened last night?”  Pushing his way past me.

            “By all means come in.”  I shut the door and headed toward the kitchen.

            “So.” Acting like some puppy begging to be played with.

            “So what, I did what I was suppose to do.”  Walking to the kitchen I started making a strong pot of coffee because I could see it was going to be a long day.

            He threw a newspaper on the kitchen counter.  “Are you telling me these headlines have nothing to do with you?”

            Glancing over at the paper I read the headline, Bodies found burned alive, without a word I went back to making my morning savior.

            “Well.”  Then let out a couple of deep breaths awaiting me to reply.

            “First off I don’t answer to you.  When you found out about my secret life you’re the one who wanted to help.  I warned you about there being casualties.”  Grabbing the newspaper I skimmed over the article and shook my head in disgust.  “You think I wanted this?  The situation was more than I expected.”

            “How do you mean?” he replied.

            Dave Cooper has been my next door neighbor for ten years and when he discovered my secret about nine months ago and got involved he’s become a constant pain but since he’s a wiz at the computer I let him help to dig up the info I need.

             “Do you think I can have some coffee before we discuss this?”  I grabbed my mug and thought about last night mishap and hoped Dave wouldn’t notice the concern that was running through my veins.  “Would you like a cup?”

            “Yeah sure.”  He stood there staring at me.

            “Well you know where the cups are.” 

He shook his head and headed toward the cupboard. 

“Hey this is not Denny’s.”  I reminded him.

            We both sat for a couple of minutes sipping coffee.  I tried to read something other than the front page so I grabbed sports and held it up high enough so Dave couldn’t see my face as I contemplated last night and what it meant to my future.  Even though I was trying reading about the Oakland Raiders spectacular comeback yesterday I couldn’t tell you a thing that was said.  My mind was too far gone into the recent events.

            A sudden snapping of fingers brought me out of the trance I was in.

            “Jim… Jim, focus.”

            Putting the sports page down, “Look Dave you knew when you beg to get involved that this is dangerous and things often get a bit messy.”

            “A bit messy,” his face was turning red, “bodies burned alive… that’s a bit more then a simple mess, we are talking bout lives here.

            “Look,” Getting with in inches of his face, “if this is too much for you then get out!  I never asked for your help!  This is my fight!”

            The doorbell rang like it was the end of a round in a heavy weight championship fight.”

            I opened the door to find two familiar faces staring me down.  "Detective Ferra, detective Scotts to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

            “Save it Jim,” replied Scots in his husky tone, “this ain’t no social call.  May we come in?”

 

Author's Note

Reaction will depend on whether I continue it or not. Do you want to see more?

Reviews

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Ohh.. a crime story possibly in the making here.. I like these types.. well written and of course I am left with a sense of mystery.. a private investigator caught in a trouble of his own of some sort.. I would like to see this continue to see what happens next! Such a sense of realism in this writing.. raw as if I were standing in the room watching this play out... very good word usage and imaginative material here. You get a slight sense of character from this person.. would like to see more description of the characters as it plays out.. everything else is fantastic! Thank you for sharing.. and keep it up! =)

[Winter McPherson]

Wow! I'm impressed! What a great start! I totally was captivated by it. Really grabs the reader's attention and clips along at a fast pace.
"The doorbell rang like it was the end of a round in a heavy weight championship fight."
That line totally cracked me up!

[Anastasia Starlena]

I want to read more and I love this sort of stuff. I told you before I think that you write these stories rather well. You have a good control over your main character. He is very much like a seedy kind of PI with a bit of loose morals but always comes out squeaky clean. Or that is what I think so far. Oh I really loved the start of this.