Lost Souls Chapter One

Katy use to walk these dark streets of Los Angeles with hope but lately she has succumbed to the dismal pull of destiny due to several bad choices she made mixed in with a touch of fate.

 

When she had moved here at the ripe old age of eighteen she was naive and full of hope. She had dreamt of becoming the next big actress.  After all in her small town home in Nebraska she had been the star in every high school play.  All the time people were saying, “Oh Katy you’re so pretty and talented Hollywood would just love you” or at least something close to that effect. The fact was Hollywood did love her or at least all the perverts on the casting couch.  The only offers she had received were to act like she loved these creeps in their disgusting home movies in exchange for menial parts in shows and commercials.

 

In between disappointing casting calls she was working as a waitress in an upscale restaurant.  There she made good money on tips and received a lot of phone numbers from gentlemen looking for a good time.

 

After about a year and a half of disappointment, rejection, and all the disgusting offers she could take Katy almost packed it up and went home. That’s was when she received the fateful call.           

 

Though her parents didn’t approve of her decision they still supported her emotionally and financially.  Now that they were gone it was getting harder to pay the bills and because of her foolish pride going home to stay was now was not an option. It was hard enough going home for funeral was hard enough.  Her parents had been bragging to the home folks saying she was doing so well and was on the verge of getting her big break.  She went along with the story not wanting people’s last memory of her parents be that of liars plus she was getting enough sympathy over their deaths that she couldn’t handle anymore.

 

She took a long drag off her cigarette and contemplated who would miss her if she were gone.  Her only real friend now was Stacy Harris the girl who introduced her to this lifestyle and if not for her she probably would be sitting somewhere in a cardboard box right now if not dead.  Katy wandered now if one of those fates might not be a better choice.  Here I go feeling sorry for myself again she thought.

 

She continued to inhale that wonderful addiction and thought about calling it a night.  Although Stacy had just left a few minutes ago with a John the evening has been really slow.  In the two hours she has been out she had gotten only had one customer and that was just a simple blowjob.  It couldn’t be the way she looked cause Katy knew she was looking particularly cute tonight with her long brunette hair in loose curls hanging over her shoulders and her tight fitting halter-top showing off her exceptionally perky breasts.  She even had on her favorite black leather skirt that showed off those tan silky smooth legs that always drove the boys crazy back home.  The best part of her outfit was a stunning pair of leather boots ending just below her knees that help accentuate her legs. Her vanity convinced her it was just an off night and not her appearance.

 

Katy figured she would at least wait until Stacy got back and see if she wanted to come home with her so they could just kick back, share some wine and watch a movie on television.  Perhaps they could even engage in a little sexual pleasure; enjoy some real intimacy.  It was only that of a close friendship but nonetheless it was real and let them know they could still feel.

 

Just then she saw the same white limousine that drives by practically every night coming up the street.  She always recognized it because for one cars like that don’t normally drive around these parts an she also took notice of the license plate, Uplift Rec.  When you spend as much time on these streets hanging around you tend to take notice of everything.  This or coarse always intrigued her because she wandered what someone from the biggest record company in Los Angeles would be doing around here.  It certainly wasn’t an area to find talent unless turning tricks was now considered a talent, in which case she definitely would easily go platinum.

 

Suddenly she noticed that this time the car began to slow down and pull over, maybe they just need directions because she certainly wasn’t lucky enough to get such an upscale client.

 

As the limo stopped directly in front of her the back door opened and she noticed an elderly gentleman with salt and pepper hair sitting there.  If she had to guess his age she would say he was in his fifties.

 

“You looking for a goodtime handsome?” she said in a soft sexy voice and putting on her best sultry smile.

 

The gentleman motioned with his hand for her to enter the car. “Something like that” he said in a very dry tone.

 

She briefly hesitated wandering if this was to good to be true, finally getting a chance to ride in such a vehicle like she imagined she would at the premiere of her first big movie.  She began to contemplate whether she was lucky enough to attract such a wealthy client.  It almost didn’t seem right, but then she thought, “What the hell do I have to lose?” 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Winter McPherson]

The beginning is very subtle yet packs a punch to what she is going through to make it. Very good description of Katy.
Except for some punctuation and sentence structure mistakes this is well written and very intriguing. You've got me hooked! I wanna know what happens.
Such a sad situation with these types of women, you've captured the despair well.

[Gandré]

wow, good to see you are writing a book.. I enjoyed this entertaintment, this also provides me with a look into a current society what people dream of perhpas... and I look forward to read more. Hope all is well.

[J.Black]

Sweet, so far so good. I'm not going to comment on grammar errors although I feel the need to do so, but I'll restrain! Honestly, I thought it was decent. I like the character's... well Katy anyways, since she is all I seem to know at this point. I guess I like her since she is my age, BUT we do not share the same characteristic and qualities, haha thank God!! The beginning seemed to drag on just a bit- Maybe you could take out a few lines or paragraphs that you feel can be un-important to the story? Just a suggestion, you don't have to do a damn thing I say. I like the description you gave of Katy, she sure in hell sounds pretty hot to me, lol! The ending is well played, It keeps me hooked and interested to read on to the next chapter!

[MagiCrystal]

bRAVO.... BRAVO.. THIS IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!.. MERCI.. AND i LOVE IT!.. CIAO BELLO

[LongTale]

Not bad. It's a little slow and there are numerous technical problems (You need a few more commas and a few of the sentences don't parse) , but I get the sense of a story about to happen. I like the bit about self pity being a wonderful addition. So true, and you put it well.
You might get the reader into the story faster if you deleted paragraphs 2 - 5. You can work these biographical details in one at a time after you've shown the reader a glimpse of the story.
You could also build up the tension a bit at the end. One way would be to give the old man some characteristic that scares Katy a bit. You've got to get the reader screaming at her, "Don't get in the car!" Then have give her some reason to get in the car anyway. Who could resist turning the page after that?