Double Standards

A big pet peeve of mine

  

            “He slept with her on the first date, he’s so cool.”  “She slept with him on the first date, man what a s**t.”  The funny thing about those statements is many times they come from the same individual and I simply ask why?  Why do we hold different standards for the different genders?  I won’t say all people do but there is a good portion of Americans that do.  Maybe many don’t realize it but if they look closely they do.  For the record I believe if you aren’t married or in a committed relationship then who and how many you do is your business.

            I once was asking co-workers their thoughts when a topic on the radio got me started, which I will get into in a moment.  So when I asked on of the guys why it was ok for men to sleep around and not women he relied with “Would you marry a woman who has slept with a bunch of guys?”  I said yes I would if I loved her and that was her past.   Then I asked him if the woman he loved wouldn’t marry him cause he slept with a lot of woman he said “but it’s different.”  Needless to say that was a lost cause and no further discussion was needed.  I found that he wasn’t the only one but no one could ever give a valid reason why that felt that way.

            Now to the incident that had lead to my survey.  Whenever I would go to work in the morning I would listen to the local country station which much of the time was talk.  Every week after that show “The Bachelor” the on air personalities would discuss it. I never saw the show once but always knew what was happening.  When the show first started and the guy was picking between women they would talk about him making out with all these woman like it was such a great thing, which was fine by me.  Then the year they had put a woman on the on air talk changed.  The one day they were discussing her going in a room with different guys and how she would make out with them.  The on air personality who before when it was a man doing it and had no problem with it called it “gross” and the two other individuals agreed. Once again I ask why? 

            Another fine example also comes from the same station.  There is a country singer by the name of Andy Griggs who had decided to pose in Playgirl magazine.  Now when they had brought it upon the station the radio personalities wished him luck and hoped it did well.  Now I know that if it was someone like Shania Twain that would have been posing for Playboy there would have been talk that it wasn’t very lady like and she was hurting country music’s image.  Actually a couple years later I was reading an article about a female singer named Terri Clark that was asked to pose n Playboy and didn’t do it in fear of the backlash she would have received. Sadly she was more than likely right.  Once again I ask why?

            So I don’t mind if you disagree with me and believe it isn’t right for either gender to be promiscuous or if you agree and believe it to be all right.  It’s those many out there that hold the different sexes to different standards.

            So I ask you one simple question in closing.  Do you hold men and women in different regard? If so then why?

 

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Nice story. Creates a lot of thought in my mind, and probably many others, this is a topic we can all relate to, bec we are either a woman or man. lol. I agree. I feel society will always hold women to a higher standard than men, and maybe there is nothing we can do about that. I know when Britney Spaears started living her life wildly, media focused on her, berated her, but if say, colin ferrel were to do the same thing, he's a "bad boy" it's cool, accepted.

about the sleeping with a lot of people, i don't think that' is really anyone's business, unless you are planning on being serious with the person. i hate that when a guy who is just my friend (but we had been intimate on occasion) asks me how many i have been with, bec it really is none of his business. esp if i'm dating him. i wouln't judge anyone else, so why should they judge me? unf, it happens. guys will label you as a "s**t." while a guy who is a virgin will be ridiculed and laughed at. i personally think it's an honorable thing when a man can keep his virginigty and he's still in late 20's et c. i know a handful of them. or women saving their virginity too, see, i don't hold any double standards. anyway, i'm getting off track, overall, i think that's just the way society is, and people will say and do what they want.

lookinig foward to possibly digging into this subject as collab rock and roll. thanks.

kena

[Lia]

I really enjoyed reading thing. This is a subject my friends and family have discussed many a times. The reason for all these double standards is purely because people are ignorant. People will view somebody that has slept with so many people as dirty...surely this is because of the infections that were caught years ago..If a woman had caught this a man wouldn't want her? As well as religion being a huge part...marry as a virgin and sleep with only the one person. This goes back so far and although it has change slightly i do believe in time it will be more equal. You have so many more independant women who go for their goals in both business and love..It is a shame that it is still a "I am man..you are woman, get in the kitchen" senario lol It does make me laugh purley because in my circle of friends many of the girls have been with more men than I cant keep count of, always using protection and just having fun. you're only young once. Let me ask this question..Would you rather a woman only be with her husband and become curious over the years and end up cheating? Or would you rather a woman who has had her fun, fallen inlove with you knowing what she wants in a man and being able to please you with her skills? ;) Sorry for rambling, great piece

[T]

I do agree with you, Dale ... You would think in today's society of modern technology we would be more open minded, but we're not. We still live in the dark ages as far as these double standards are concerned which dates back to the beginning of time. Men can have as many wives as they want and a woman can only have one husband. Women are branded, "S***s or w****s" if they had more than one partner, is beyond my comprehension. Yet men, can brag about it, take a tally of it, add another notch to their oversized ego and it's acceptable.

I don't condone promiscuous behavior in this day and age of Aids and other transmitting diseases but who am I to pass judgement on what others do? Talk shows feed people what they want to hear and it's gossip. lol What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander huh? lol

Wonderful topic, Dale and wonderfully written too ... hugs

[Norma J. Jessee]

I have had many a conversation on this very subject, Dale. And you're right society does make a difference. If a girl gets pregnant out of wed-lock she's a tramp etc. but no one ever stops to think she didn't do it on her own. She had help every step of the way. I knew a family with two teenagers, a boy and a girl. When the boy was bragging as to how many girls he had lined up and how many he was having sex with, the father hi-fived him and said, "that's the way to go , stud." but when they found out the daughter was sleeping with her boy-friend. All hell broke lose and the girl was severly punished.When I questioned the father as to why the difference. He said," It's just different." Then he went on to tell me that no man wanted a girl who had slept around, and he would not have his daughter bringing shame on the family name. So I asked him why he was encouraging his son to do to other girls what he didn't want done to his. Of course he had no answer. But it's true. There are double standards and I have yet to understand why. If men do not want to marry or have a real relationship with a woman that has slept with other men then why are they so hell bent on proving they are a Stud and seeing how many woman they themselves can sleep with. By doing so they are mocking themselves and doing exactly what they say they are against. It doesn't make a lot of sense. I agree with Laura that there isn't anyone who can give the answer to the question nor will it go away . It has been this way from the beginning and it doesn't look as if it's going to change anytime soon, unless people make an effort to change it.
Very good subject for discussion. I admire you for making a stand.

Jean

[Emily B]

Interesting subject. I don't think the double standards will ever end. You've given me a lot to think about, Dale. If I come up with any answers I'll let you know. ;-)