Double Standards

A big pet peeve of mine

  

            “He slept with her on the first date, he’s so cool.”  “She slept with him on the first date, man what a s**t.”  The funny thing about those statements is many times they come from the same individual and I simply ask why?  Why do we hold different standards for the different genders?  I won’t say all people do but there is a good portion of Americans that do.  Maybe many don’t realize it but if they look closely they do.  For the record I believe if you aren’t married or in a committed relationship then who and how many you do is your business.

            I once was asking co-workers their thoughts when a topic on the radio got me started, which I will get into in a moment.  So when I asked on of the guys why it was ok for men to sleep around and not women he relied with “Would you marry a woman who has slept with a bunch of guys?”  I said yes I would if I loved her and that was her past.   Then I asked him if the woman he loved wouldn’t marry him cause he slept with a lot of woman he said “but it’s different.”  Needless to say that was a lost cause and no further discussion was needed.  I found that he wasn’t the only one but no one could ever give a valid reason why that felt that way.

            Now to the incident that had lead to my survey.  Whenever I would go to work in the morning I would listen to the local country station which much of the time was talk.  Every week after that show “The Bachelor” the on air personalities would discuss it. I never saw the show once but always knew what was happening.  When the show first started and the guy was picking between women they would talk about him making out with all these woman like it was such a great thing, which was fine by me.  Then the year they had put a woman on the on air talk changed.  The one day they were discussing her going in a room with different guys and how she would make out with them.  The on air personality who before when it was a man doing it and had no problem with it called it “gross” and the two other individuals agreed. Once again I ask why? 

            Another fine example also comes from the same station.  There is a country singer by the name of Andy Griggs who had decided to pose in Playgirl magazine.  Now when they had brought it upon the station the radio personalities wished him luck and hoped it did well.  Now I know that if it was someone like Shania Twain that would have been posing for Playboy there would have been talk that it wasn’t very lady like and she was hurting country music’s image.  Actually a couple years later I was reading an article about a female singer named Terri Clark that was asked to pose n Playboy and didn’t do it in fear of the backlash she would have received. Sadly she was more than likely right.  Once again I ask why?

            So I don’t mind if you disagree with me and believe it isn’t right for either gender to be promiscuous or if you agree and believe it to be all right.  It’s those many out there that hold the different sexes to different standards.

            So I ask you one simple question in closing.  Do you hold men and women in different regard? If so then why?

 

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Nice story. Creates a lot of thought in my mind, and probably many others, this is a topic we can all relate to, bec we are either a woman or man. lol. I agree. I feel society will always hold women to a higher standard than men, and maybe there is nothing we can do about that. I know when Britney Spaears started living her life wildly, media focused on her, berated her, but if say, colin ferrel were to do the same thing, he's a "bad boy" it's cool, accepted.

about the sleeping with a lot of people, i don't think that' is really anyone's business, unless you are planning on being serious with the person. i hate that when a guy who is just my friend (but we had been intimate on occasion) asks me how many i have been with, bec it really is none of his business. esp if i'm dating him. i wouln't judge anyone else, so why should they judge me? unf, it happens. guys will label you as a "s**t." while a guy who is a virgin will be ridiculed and laughed at. i personally think it's an honorable thing when a man can keep his virginigty and he's still in late 20's et c. i know a handful of them. or women saving their virginity too, see, i don't hold any double standards. anyway, i'm getting off track, overall, i think that's just the way society is, and people will say and do what they want.

lookinig foward to possibly digging into this subject as collab rock and roll. thanks.

kena

[The Storyteller]

I am disappointed I was looking to read a story but I got a blog entry. I think most people would agree there is a double standard but it would of been great if you would had a story portraying the double standard. Imagine following the story of a young lady who has to deal with and suffers from this double standard. Your audience would be able sympathize and personally experience this injustice. I feel like it was a missed opportunity to show not tell.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Well technically this is a story, it is called non-fiction. It is okay you didn't care for it… to each his own I say.

[Liza]

Amen Dale - it comforts my heart when I see men like you take a stand for us and the ignorance women are plagued with by insecure men that wish to control all women. As a woman; who was a girl and quite a rebellious little girl; I hated the double standard. We are all physical beings no matter the gender. There are a lot of elements to this though. Women are at a more vulnerable position because of sex because some of us get emotionally binded to the man that is just pleasing our body with no desire to get to know our hearts or minds. Another reason women are at a more vulnerable position is because if we get pregnant; men don't have to deal with the consequences of pregnancy. Babies are born out of wedlock, children are born without fathers and feeling a hole in their hearts because that single act of sexual pleasure creates life.

Some religions also give women the short end of the stick; we are treated like a piece of property that has to be unused and pure for our husbands. In the bible; men laid with multiple women to spread their seed while women that had sex for pleasure were w****s.

Women are made out to be a madonna (saint) or the other extreme. Men raised with this value syste sometimes see us and treat us as one or the other. The wife or the object.

What i would like to see in my life time; is respect without labels.

[Angelalala]

pretty disgusting isn't it? the totally different set of standards on women as opposed to men: not only sexually, but professionally and in many other areas. it is so not fair. & the sad thing is it's not only guys dissing girls for sleeping around when they are themselves, but sadly it's alot of girls dissing girls in all areas too, perhaps jealousy? that's my biggest issue is that we women need to stick together instead of tearing each other down. very true, indeed, dale. & it makes me sick. glad someone else notices.

[Coyote Poetry]

I have six sisters. I knew the truth. Woman want and need too. I like it when we are lucky enough for a woman to give us a friendly welcome and come on in. Don't happen much in a life. You are correct. That is why I recommend. keep the sex away from work. My father told me. If you going to be bad. At least two counties over. No-body need to know your business. I like the mystery of the woman I like . When I see Shania Twain. I wish for a view of her beautiful body. But the mystery is what makes her so wonderful. World is changing. Rules must be follow for woman as men followed. Keep the bad things private if all possible. A outstanding story. You made me think.
Coyote

[Winter McPherson]

The old double standard is alive and well! You are quite right. I, personally, can't stand it and don't agree with it. My main concern would be disease, and male or female, anybody can spread STD's. And die from them as well....

Thank you for a thought provoking article!

[Colleen C Dunphy]

I agree. I do not understand why there are different standards for men and women. I find it even more interesting when it crosses the lines into Gay/Lesbian/Trans individuals and how the opinions fall there. It is sad for our society that things like this still exist.
Thanks for writing this.

Best,
Lee

[Paza]

This is also one of my pet peeves and you are spot on. I had a discussion regarding affairs with a friend of mine...not judging right or wrong, simply that it is much more acceptable for a man to stray than for a woman. I always wondered just who these men were having all these affairs with if women were to remain so chaste or be taken apart by society? Certainly not with each other...but the men who would have one, and expect their wives to forgive them, are the same men who would file for divorce immediately if they caught their wives in the same situation. Society needs to wake up and decide - right or wrong...no gender excepted.

[Windy]

Here, Here my friend. You have brought up such valid points and I for one don't understand why it is the way it is either. It is one of my pet peeves. LIfe is hard enough without all the judging going on especially with this kind of thing. Your Title "Double Standards" is perfect for this peice. I could not have said it better and I mean that as a compliment to your question of "Why?" It just shows you are a "real" man and a smart and talented one as well. I also must say I agree with Lia, "people are ignorant", sad but true. This is a subject that should be brought up and definatly questioned. I applaud you for doing so. The fact that you backed up your questions with "proof" makes it all the more powerful. A great write and an appreciated and great read. ;)

[The Grammar Nazi]

This is a really nice write. I'm not going to go into too much detail, because for the most part, I agree with Lia. If you're single, you're free to do pretty much whatever you want, providing it's within the law. Why not have fun? The only thing I'm sketchy on going with her on is the part about a woman pleasing a man or vice versa because of how experienced she/he may be. It has nothing whatsoever to do with experience, you create experience through the partner you're with, for two reasons. One, it's a mutual thing, and you both love each other. Two, not all men/women like the same things. I don't have a problem with a woman sleeping with more than one person in her life. If you think you love someone, you think you're going to be with them forever, it's fine. It's also fine on terms of having fun, if you're doing it safely..However, there's a major catch to it. Another two things: One, if you claim to love someone, it's not right. Two, if you've slept with a certain number of people, and your significant other asks you about it in a private setting, you should tell them the truth, for many different reasons, but the main two are: It's not right to keep a relationship with someone you feel the need to lie to, and it's not right to tell someone you love them, then turn around and lie...Wow, that went a bit more in-depth than I thought it would. Anyway, this is a really great piece. Thanks for sharing.