The Lost Art Of Humanity

A repost of one of my favorite stories I wrote

  

         I stood in a never-ending line of dying humanity.  All I could do was watch all the people walking around in their own little worlds not giving a care to all the troubles around them.  This time of year was the worst.  It’s was Christmas time, a time when we should come together as family and friends to help one another in the name of the Lord.  No way was that going to happen because everyone was too worried about buying all those fancy gifts like they were buying people's love and affections.

            I knew right then that something had to be done.  I was going to have to make a statement that would help bring people together and it had to be done before Christmas was over.  After much contemplation I decided the best course of action would need to be violent and swift.  Something that would force people to take a look at their lives and the lives of everyone around them.

            There were only three weeks until the holiday so I would have to work fast in order to carry out my plan.  What I needed were some guns and I needed them fast.  Since there were waiting periods to buy guns these days I knew my only option was going to the local flea market.  There you could get some nice weapons that didn’t require a background check.

             While at the market I began noticing things that made me realize more and more that something had to be done and knew I was doing the right thing.  I saw people walking over a couple of homeless men like they were simply pieces of trash scattered on the ground.  Yes sir this was going to have to work for the sake of all.

            I proceeded to pick up a couple of semi-automatics, it cost me quite a bit of money but it would be money well spent by the time I was done.  Then I went to the clothing outlet and found a real nice trench coat to conceal the weapons until the moment I unleashed my frustrations upon the world.

            My plan was to go to the local mall on Christmas Eve around noon when it should be at its busiest, I figured the more lives I took the bigger the statement it would be.  I had only wished I would be around to see how my actions affected the nation but I would have to take my life afterward to put the exclamation point on the situation.

             I went about my business for the next few days. Going to work, hanging out with friends and family knowing it was the last time they would see me. I wanted so bad to tell them and say my last goodbyes there was no way they could know or this would never happen.  They would have to read about how I felt in my final letter to the world.

            

            The morning of Christmas Eve I could feel my heart beating faster as my time to shine was upon me.  I called my parents to tell them to never forget how much I loved them.

            “Is everything alright dear?”

            “Yeah, mom just wanted to say that.”

            “Your such a sweet boy.  Well, see you here for dinner around five o’clock?”

            “Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”  That had to be the first time in my life I had lied to my mom I just hope that’s not what she remembers after I’m gone.

            

As calmly as I could I drove to the mall and found a parking space way out in the middle of nowhere.  The walk was long but it gave me time to reflect on my life and what little I did and how insignificant my legacy was.  This moment coming would all but make up for that.

            My hands were sweating as I opened the door and walked inside like a normal person coming to buy last-minute gifts.  I looked around and realized nobody here knew what was about to hit them.  My final stand was here.  I thought to myself “Nobody lives forever.”

            I was about to pull the guns out and begin my road to glory when out of the corner of my eye an old lady carrying numerous shopping bags caught my attention.  She tripped and fell causing her bags to fly everywhere.  As she slowly tried to get back to her feet I was watching all those people walking by her and not even lending a hand.  I could feel a tear start to roll down my face because I knew that I was definitely about to do my part for humanity.

             I walked slowly towards the lady. When she glanced up I held out my hand“Here let me help you up?" omce I got her to her feet we exchanged smiles, then I said" Can I carry your bags to your car for you?"

Reviews

[Lorraine Pearson]

A very disturbing piece. As I read it, I kept wondering how come "he" wasn't just doing his part to make a positive change for humanity. Watching his actions...plotting and planning the obvious worse--playing judge and jury for everyone...just so he can go "postal." I'm so glad he softened at the end, and the real Christmas spirit bug bit him in the backside. I do wonder however, how did he ever manage to assist the old lady with the cumbersome automatic and trenchcoat he was sporting. :) I enjoyed your story.
~Lorraiyne

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

thank you very much

[Sheila Kline]

Wow, what powerful emotions in this write Dale, but it does bring to light how so many have lost the true meaning of the Christmas holiday. I am so glad it ended as it did! He realized that he could help another in need...creative and well done!

[Lizanne]

What can I say that has not already been said about your writing? So you really don't need this review. You are multi-talented and pull a rabbit out of the proverbial hat everytime you pick up your pen or should it be said, everytime you tap those keys. It is a piece that once you start reading there is no stopping.

[closed account]

WOW,, I am speechless..... I never would have expected something of this nature come out of you.
I am glad the ending was the way it was. I really have a loss for words, lol i guess that
is a good thing, proving that your story moved me.. very good discription it kept the reader
wanting to speed read to get to the next moment.. Great job.

[Wildfleour]

An interesting story, Dale. Nobody knew the turmoil this character felt, even those closest to him.

I am not sure I understood completely why he chose such a desperate act or why the old woman was enough to stop him and completely change his self-determined course.

I think you could develop this story further.

(typo: Of coarse..........of course)

[Dianne]

I like this story. "I wanted so bad to tell them and say my last goodbyes there was know way they could know or this would never happen." Should read no way rather than know way. This is in paragraph 7.

The ending on this didn't feel like it quite fit. I'd like to see some indication earlier of his actuall caring, giving some food to the homeless guys or something. Other wise his response to the woman falling is out of character for a guy who hasn't done anything himself to actively help people. Great job!

[emmajoy]

Oh my! I wasn't expecting that ending, didn't know whether to laugh or cry!

You slowly built up the story, took your readers on a gradually increasing scary trip, got to the point where people would be holding their breath ...

'I could feel a tear start to roll down my face because I knew that I was definitely about to do my part for humanity.' - even after that, 'wasn't sure if the character was going ahead.. then, then ..

.. then - POWWW

You're an extremely creative writer, not quite a manipulator of the mind, but with practise ... lol

[[untitled]]

Whoa, Cowboy . . . this is a great story, although somewhat disturbing. It evokes some powerful emotions, which is what I'm sure is intended. I feel as though this could be expanded upon. Why the sudden change of heart? Why did the character feel that he needed to cause death, in order to be "heard"? In the beginning, he seems like a compassionate soul, who is disgusted with the materialism that surrounds Christmas, and those who are over-looked (homeless people). And then, in the end, one moment where he can perform a simple act of kindness all of his "plans" are washed away? Don't get me wrong. I like the concept. I just think that there could be a little more to it, is all.

Thank you, so much, for sharing this with me.

hugs,

S

[Winter McPherson]

What a timely piece in this climate of chaotic rage that we live in! I was shuddering throughout, wondering where it was going to go. I'm so glad it ended up the way it did. Whew! I loved the way you made his reasoning seem so rational to himself. You could clean this up a bit more and send it into a magazine for the holidays! Egads! Seriously...

[Aries]

Awesome Story...I Loved the ending much better than the one he originally planned...

It really makes a statement about the world in which we live..

Awesome Writing~~

[Kara Emily Krantz]

" I stood in a never-ending line of dying humanity. " - what an awesome beginning. totally traps the reader. :)

"This time of year was the worst. It's was Christmas time, a time when we should becoming together as family and friends to help one another in the name of the lord." - i liked the introduction here, teh setup. however, shouldn't you capitalize "Lord?" - it just read weird without it... unless you intentionally kept it lowercase.

"I knew right then that something had to be done. I was going to have to make a statement that would ..." dork lol

"After much contemplation I decided the best coarse of action would need to be violent and swift."
that sounds really scary. and "coarse" should be "course". :)

"What I needed were some guns and I needed them fast." oh my god. where are you going with this? oh goodness.

"I proceeded to pick up a couple of semi-automatic," - guessing you meant that to be plural... :P

"the more live" - pluralize my dear. sheesh. :P hahaha

"I would have to take my life afterwards to put the exclamation point on the situation." - ha. morbid, but a good way to write that


"Here let me help you up. Can I carry you bags to your car for you."

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

i like that ending way better than the way this could have gone!!! you were scaring me for a moment there, my dear lol

big hugs