Good Morning... Smashed(Emotional Hangover)

A collaboration with Renee J Martin... we worked on two at the same time... one she started that is on her page... http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/bootsbug/1202380/ and the one I started, this one

 

Thump thump thumpity thump goes the drumbeat

Even though the speakers were blown last night.

A constant ringing plagues my ears

Despite my alarm clock stuck in the wall.

What was I thinking answering my phone

When I saw your number flash on my screen.

Trouble follows you without a leash

Then attacks me without giving a command.

 

Of course you always answer my call 

and my leash darling is by your wall 

not ..the one with the hidden cage..

the other one with cuff and chains 

Oh dear..how my head aches.. why was I calling??  

Oh YeS! Your to BlaMe….How dare you duck when 

I "give" you the time…

perhaps a shock collar will make you mind! 

 

Good you tell your story walking

So I can collect my thoughts

Over a cup of coffee in peace…

Then again no distance will keep your words

From echoing in my head

Causing my heart to break

From tremors down my spine.

Time will never be a friend of mine

When it keeps bringing you back into my life.

 

Excuse me slave.. YoU'rE nOt MiNdinG HeRe ! 

tapping my stilettos … cracking my crop

collect your thoughts some other time 

quit worrying about your heart..

it lies safely in a fur lined box..

I carry for all to see 

and as for your trembling spine..

give me a break ….Pa lese !

you know..you like me to ride your a*s

it's what you live and breath 

and time will continue ticking LOUD.. 

Until you bow down to me !  

 

How can I be minding when my brain is fried

From all our heated discussions?

Such careless use of those stilettos

Has left a hole in my soul

And a mess inside your fur lined box,

It is like everyday is your time of the month.

Like every human being you take for granted

When things are running like clockwork,

Forgetting one major fact…

That anything made by man is not built to last.

Author's Note

Thank you Renee for putting up with me in this artistic endeavor and keeping me on my toes.

Reviews

[.]

:: first off, i love the title... then, in the first stanza... i love the set-up... especially these lines...

"Trouble follows you without a leash
Then attacks me without giving a command."

:: a raw and powerful image but superbly written... it comes across as very poetic... :: in the second stanza... the "cuffs and chains" image is compelling... and the "how dare you duck" line strikes with great force... :: the last six lines of the next stanza are particularly moving... :: there's a heartfelt sadness expressed in them... :: the next stanza is really, really strong... the way the 'slave' image unravels is done very skillfully... :: and those last five lines of the concluding stanza give this collab the perfectly profound closing... there's a lingering sense of helplessness but also the substantial sense of insight into human beings and their limitations... a feeling of learning a precious lesson albeit a painful one... :: excellent work, both of you... :: i've always known that both of you are incredibly talented poets but i couldn't have imagined two collabs... that are absolutely outstanding... :: what a range of emotions you express and relay... truly awe-inspiring and inspiring work... :: after a really long time, i've read your collabs and thought... wow... anyone who says collabs don't work should read these posts...

[Renée]

Dale ..the words are simple...but the meaning is heartfelt... A complete delight to write with you! I had so much fun and I thank you for helping me to grow into poetess shoes ! Cheers ! (( :

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

The pleasure was all mine, it was quite the experience.

[Renée]

( :
...

[icelandicblue]

How fun! And I do believe I saw one of those cop shows where the stiletto was the murder weapon and I'm not talking about the knife. It's fun to write with other poets you admire. Great job both of you- and while reading this it reminds me how much I hate being hung over. Sounds like this guy was being hung over a balcony 10 stories high (saw that on TV too). I just want you to know I do watch an educational show here and there. Again I really enjoyed this.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you very much... and yes recently there was a new story of a woman who killed her boyfriend with a stiletto.

[Renée]

omg I had no idea q ;

[SyberRose]

A great collaboration and i'm sure a lot of fun ...very entertaining indeed Dale and Renee...Rose:)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you very much, yes it was fun and challenging.

[Angi]

This looks like it was fun to write! I can hear both of your voices so clearly. Awesome job. Angi~

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Yes it was fun... playing off another's words is good for the creative juices.
Thanks.

[Rita L. Sev]

Such an entertaining read - and the last line says it all... Another wonderful collaboration!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Why thank you... it was certainly fun to create. Collabs are great for stretching your creativity.

[AYVID]

So awesomely entertaining! I loved reading this collaboration.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you... it was fun to play on anothers words.

[AYVID]

:) you are welcome.

[PP]

This one has a great good flow to it and is awesome to read! Great work guys :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you so much.

[PP]

pleasure :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"my brain fried from all our heated discussions"

God, this was so damn entertaining..what a great fusion of the two voices...

this worked...on so many levels...anything built by man, clocks or relationships, not made to last...time will run out on both.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you sir of for reading and responding, glad you liked it... you are right that they will run out.