Unbecoming

 

I let my heart rest

In the palm of your hand

Not realizing

You have a tendency to squeeze

As a reflex to telling the truth.

To say the blood is on your hands

Is an unimportant.

For it is the stain

On your white dress

That will not wash away.

To turn it inside out

Would only taint your skin

Already unnatural.

The bleach will only

Bring superficial tears

To your eyes

And hide the smell of danger

You’ve deemed beneath you

But still you will be marked

The crimson queen

With the lipstick to match.

All that remains

Is too strip down

And let the world see

Your plastic scars

Or wear clothing unbecoming

Of the image

You created in “society”.

 

Reviews

[SparrowSong]

I keep reading this, and I wish I could explain the feeling this brings. (I tend to feel the words more than anything). It makes me very sad, some invent these worlds and experiences and wouldn't know true pain if it smacked them in the face. Flip side is, they wouldn't know true empathy and compassion either. Fabricated lies used only to manipulate take advantage of anothers true nature...how devastatingly sad indeed.

This is brilliantly written, love your phrasing...this has got to be one of the most emotionally charged pieces I've read in quite a while, well done.

(I may be way off the true intention behind the words, but this is just how it made me feel)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Wow thank you so much for that review. That was quite a compliment.

[lee von cleef]

Tap Tap,to Tap out, interpretation: What you wrote,What you said,What you meant,The Oil on the surface,Or your subconscious, your concubine.
Carry God into this,him holding your heart in the palm of his hand, provoking.
"Barbie Doll" Bride,The barbie you gave your heart too, you get what you pay for.
The United States, place your heart in its hand,wow.
I like this temple,this poem,twisted as I am,you have sparked,a fire,of thought.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Why thank you very much for that explosive review... I really liked the Barbie Doll reference.

[lee von cleef]

A singing song writer Todd Snyder, has a great song, "Barbie Doll"

[william keepers]

An amazing piece of work Cowboy, very vivid imagery, yet what I like about it resides beneath the images, the conscious observer, being truthful without judgement. Or at least very subtle judgement from an optimistic perspective! You are very good at removing the veil from societal assumptions. Thank you!

[.]

~ an apparently simple and descriptive piece of writing which is actually very complex... personally, "i let my heart rest" in someone who is similar... yes, he crumpled my heart and it bled profusely... he wears many masks... and one of them is his reality... but he keeps questioning his reality... keeps questioning his inner voice... what society sees are his "plastic scars" not the real ones... that i happen to know... i recently realized that such people are not uneducated but 'under-educated'... and the only way one can facilitate some sort of learning is by making them more and more and more self-conscious... this is because i believe in education... i haven't turned completely cynical just yet... ~ i can't say if you placed your heart in someone (it could be you) or in something (it could be a value), but i can say that this piece of poetry is brilliantly written... p.s. ~ am not being judgmental in the use of the term 'under-educated' but being diagnostic... being 'under-educated' for me is being someone who is not receptive to new information that could potentially lead to a 360 degree change in perspective...

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you again, I appreciate the in depth review... I like your term undereducated... a profound observation.

[.]

~ you're very welcome...again... :)

[.]

~ oh...and thank you for liking that term... discovering it was a zen moment for me...

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

I know how you feel, writing this was a Zen moment for me.

[Muse]

This about being phoney and fake? Trying to clean up the sins of the past...once tainted...forever stained?

To say the blood is on your hands
Is an unimportant.
For it is the stain
On your white dress
That will not wash away.
To turn it inside out
Would only taint your skin
Already unnatural.


It's like you washed off all of her make-up letting the world see her for who she truly is. A plastic lifeless...liar? I have to say...despite the pain in your words..this is certainly one of your best writings to date! 100/100

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you very much... a very good interpretation... as always I love and appreciate your feedback.

[Mia]

It's not about love, not romantic anyways. It's about betrayal?! Because I’m not sure what it is about I’m going to tell you why I think it’s about betrayal.
“I let my heart rest
In the palm of your hand”
Well that speaks volumes; you put your heart in her palm…willingly…so you had reason to believe you could trust her, that you should trust her.
“Not realizing
You have a tendency to squeeze
As a reflex to telling the truth.”
That bit you in the a*s.
“To say the blood is on your hands
Is an unimportant.
For it is the stain
On your white dress”
She tried to wipe the blood off her hands. Hiding her crimes to you, hiding her guilt. Guilt makes you, clearly, because the blood’s off her hands but on her dress for all to see and it’s going nowhere.
“superficial tears, hiding the smell of damage”
She’s trying to manipulate her way out of this mess but it’s obvious, you know and so does everyone else, also the blood is still on her dress.
“Your plastic scars
Or wear clothing unbecoming
Of the image
You created in “society”.”
She set the standards she was supposed to live up to and still she failed. That makes the betrayal worse, she told you she would…you didn’t ask her to and still she messed up.
Okay I’ll stop trying to dissect this poem…Dale…what is this poem about!!!?

[Mia]

I loved how descriptive this was by the way!!!

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you so much for that detailed review... I really like what you took from the poem and what the lines said to you. A wonderful interpretation.

[Mia]

No, thank you for such a wonderful poem...It's good to think once in a while :)

[Renée]

Woah... this a very strong write Cowboy ! Love your images.. From your first lines to the last ... You captured this type to perfection....... perhaps.... unfortunately..

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Why thank you so much... I think ;)

[Renée]

( ;

[Circe]

this speaks of hurts on both sides that are so real and often the emotional battle we face between the material world and who we are inside.. I don't think anybody wants to end up like this, but the choices we take can lead us to these crossroads and sometimes the person becomes a plastic version of themself.. the one that society expects them to be, real relationships are severed in the process.. it's very sad and painful to read..

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

That is an interesting take on my piece... I love seeing people get other things then why I intended of my work. Thank you so much.

[Lily Mae]

I know what this means to you and yet while reading it..it reminded me of a woman that claims to own and where the white and slithers in the red.. strange how it can mean something different to everyone..but hey.. it's my strange mind..lol..xo

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Hey nothing wrong with finding something different then I intended... all our minds are strange, that is what makes us writers xoxo

[KAOlmsted]

I read this the other day and cannot figure out for the life of me why I didn't review it...poor senile kimmer *laugh*

I remember thinking, what striking imagery, and then again, as I reread it today, the same thought...and I feel as though you've given this "woman" (I see you meant Lady Justice in one of your review comments) absolutely no choice...show your scars...wear the cloak of honesty, which would be considered unbecoming, I imagine, for a system that thrives on lies...

Excellent write...I thought so then, I am saying so now ;-)

-kimmer

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Thank you so much... yes it is bout lady justice and the injustice that comes because of money and power.