WOW! This is a very intense piece, and yes you are right when you say that no matter the influences in our lives the path we take is our choice.
This piece has such a eerie feel to it, and I can relate to this in my past in so many ways. I love the lines -
"The father we go
the more the seed of hate grows
around my heart,
till suddenly I find myself alone.
Surrounded in darkness
except a sliver of light"
When you realize you are alone, and the hate is wrapped around your heart, you can choose to go one way or another, some people continue down one path, while others go another. When you go on to say - You were lead down this path by me! I think putting me in all caps is important, because it gives the reader exactly the clarity you were speaking of just two lines above. Again it takes great courage to be able to do this. And to be able to come to your road of salvation. This is an excellent write. The vivid descriptions and comparisons are excellent and really take the reader on a journey of the realization that YES you do choose your path, you make your own choices.
With such a relateable topic (i.e. we are the masters of our own destiny) it is extremely hard to come by such a unique voice in which the tale is told...you are that voice. (You sort of give away your ending a bit in your quote before the poem, though *laugh*) I am well and truly impressed with everything you write, and I must thank you so very much for sharing your gift with us.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Wow, thank you... I am honored and humbles by your compliment.
12 Years Ago
an absolute pleasure...you are one of the reasons this site is so enjoyable. Keep up the great work.. read morean absolute pleasure...you are one of the reasons this site is so enjoyable. Keep up the great work.
this is nicely written and some how so true, as we (humans) seem to lead our own selves down so many dark paths throughout our life.
"by ME!!" loved it - been there, done that.
Dark piece. That werewolf needs to be killed...the one within that is.
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Reconciled, perhaps, but never killed. The beast within is the only thing we have to compare ourselv.. read moreReconciled, perhaps, but never killed. The beast within is the only thing we have to compare ourselves to. How close are we to being that beast? To letting it have control? If it dies, how do we know we are not becoming its replacement?
Only we can pave the way to our own path of forgiveness. The moral to this poem is one that even I can relate to. Myself...including some others...need to stop playing the victim...get a grip on reality...and make some positive changes. :)
one quick corretion my friend:
The father we go
the more the seed of hate grows
I'm sure you meant farther...not father? xx
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Damn can't believe I missed that, thank you for the review and correction.
WOW! This is a very intense piece, and yes you are right when you say that no matter the influences in our lives the path we take is our choice.
This piece has such a eerie feel to it, and I can relate to this in my past in so many ways. I love the lines -
"The father we go
the more the seed of hate grows
around my heart,
till suddenly I find myself alone.
Surrounded in darkness
except a sliver of light"
When you realize you are alone, and the hate is wrapped around your heart, you can choose to go one way or another, some people continue down one path, while others go another. When you go on to say - You were lead down this path by me! I think putting me in all caps is important, because it gives the reader exactly the clarity you were speaking of just two lines above. Again it takes great courage to be able to do this. And to be able to come to your road of salvation. This is an excellent write. The vivid descriptions and comparisons are excellent and really take the reader on a journey of the realization that YES you do choose your path, you make your own choices.
It's better to be dead and cool than alive and uncool
About
Birth name: Dale Deadmond
Born November 20th, 1969
Metaphorically speaking music is my BFF and poetry is my soulmate.
This is my world of
my favorite poets are E.A. Poe, Dylan Thomas, R.. more..