Funny Story She was my Slander

Originally a play that I was writing, that is turning into a movie that I am making. Though I have yet to write the story that the plot follows. (Still working on)

It was to be his first night, his first night as a comedian, and no longer the little man in his office cubicle. Yes he is short, not undersized but a little shorter than the average womans size. Ya he knows, sucks for him. All the women of this age are all after the tall, dark and handsome type. When ever a woman even looks at him their ovaries tie themselves and an mental chastity belt forms.

But don't get him wrong, he's good-looking, random people on myspace send him messages about how I am the cats meow, and how they would love to tenderly kiss my lips and slide off my "chastity belt". But we won't get into the rated R stuff today, or maybe ever. Ok, well enough about his problems for right now. I know that most people don't like to listen to whiners, so onward and upward. By the way his label is Alan, Alan Jude Anderson (his mom really liked the song "Hey Jude" by the beatles).

Alan was looking at himself in the mirror backstage, messing up his hair to get the bed hair effect that all the girls seemed to lose their cool over. It was no use the same brown hair always seemed to bounce back to it's original state. Even though the his effort was ineffective he kept trying, wanting so badly for his limp hair to cooperate. As he was demanding his hair to befriend him, his friend was sitting on a couch with two girls laying on his chest.

Jeffrey was the office wench, he was very loose with himself. It didn't matter what his next conquest was, he always got the girl he wanted. Tonight his conquest was two girls, a easy job for a guy who looks stunning. After a few seconds of Jeffrey swimming in his triumph  and testosterone he started to talk to Alan,

"Alan, how come you never have any ladies catering after your every will? Your pretty decent, what's wrong with you?" he smiled.

"Well Jeff, maybe it's because I want my caterer to be good at what she does, and I'm waiting for the right one." I replied.

The girls looked at Jeff and gasped. Tart #1 said in astonishment,

"Are you not waiting for the 'right one' Jeffy, who am I to you?"

That's when Jeff said back,

"Your my lady tonight so don't worry baby."

Tart #2 pouted and said,

"If she's your lady tonight! Then who am ..."

Jeffrey quickly intervened the conversation with,

"Alan, I bet you couldn't get laid by anyone in this whole club tonight."

Alan replied,

"H-hey, I could get the girl of my dreams tonight if I wanted to, n-not to mention sleep with her."

Alan was talking behind his teeth obviously, I mean he even stuttered when he was trying to say that he could do it. Jeffrey knew that it was a fable, and things seemed to slow down as he said,

"Oh ya, well prove it."

The manager came in to the dressing room and said to Alan,

"Ok boy your on in a minute, better brace yourself."

Alan grabbed his coat off the hanger slipped it onto his shoulders, and put on his little hat. He looked at Jeff as he left and said,

"I will."

The manager had provided Alan's que to come on stage, and Alan had quickly swallowed his stage fright and got into the spotlight. The spotlight felt as if the light alone was burning small skin cells that surrounded his body. He looked out into the audience, and saw the shadows of people that seemed to be the overlords of his soul. His throat was tightening and his heart beating as fast as a hummingbirds wings could flap. Then he started out with a joke,

"There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, who were all stranded on an island.One day they found a genie and he said he would grant them three wishes.All three of them agreed that each of them would get one wish each.The brunette said, "I wish I was home in my bed and that this never happened."
  and poof her wish was granted.The redhead said, "I wish that I was at home in my bed and this never happened."
  and poof her wish was granted.Then the blonde said, "I wish my friends were here with me."

Right at that moment he had made enemies with all the blonde girls in the room, but all the brunettes laughed pretty hard. The redheads chuckled a little bit when one of the blonde bimbo's in the back had said OMG I would totally wish for that too!

After A few more Jokes he started to run out of them all, he had about 5 minutes left and no act left. So out of the top of my head he thought of something brilliant. He could invite a girl to come up and be his assistant for improv. He could use the theme "pick-up lines" and secretly get the girl to fall for him. That way he could win the bet with Jeffrey, find a girl that he was looking for, and make many people downstage laugh at the masterly done comedy skit. It was full proof. 

He looked out into the crowd for the best looking girl he could find,

Ok, ladies and gentlemen for my next act i'm going to need a lovely assistant from the audience!"

He scaned the room quickly and there, her head was slightly turned away from him but what I could see was a girl with long brown hair put into a ponytail, a cute shaped face and a medium fit body. She had curves in all the right places and she was the perfect girl for him. So he called out for her, her friend answered first but then he said,

"No, Not you the other one next to you!"

She Quickly snapped her head back in a sassy way and yelled back to me,

"Hey, I am not 'the other one".

 Alan looked a little confused, and he was skeptical but he replied,

"Well then, Who are you?"

 "Actually my name is Racheal."

"Well then Miss Racheal, won't you come up on stage and act as my lovely assistant for tonight?"

 

 

Author's Note

Can read as I work on it, but it might be best if you read it when i'm finished.

Reviews

[Legion]

I like the concept of this (although I must admit that starting in the first person with the firs paragraph kind of threw me off a bit when I got into the rest of it). Sounds like you might have something interesting.