There is no way to Learn to love the only friend

A Poem by Gigi

Led the boy to think that I love him. He's waited for me 3 years but I was usually always in a relationship and it gave me a reason to say no to him. Now i'm alone, in an act of desperation I ask if he wants to get into a relationship. Now I feel i'm goin

Here I am, never thought that I would do this but I have.

An act of desperation has led me into a trap that has highwalls with iron spikes along it. A pitfall.

If I were to climb up and out I would get bloodied from those spikes, unfortunately I wouldn't be the only one who'd get hurt.

There is my friend down here too, he's been waiting for me for three years.

He says "I need you" he reminds me of the long hours he's been down there.

I pity him so I stay down there awhile.

I look up at the sky out of the pit and dream of all the things that are awaiting me.

Dreaming about real love, friends, fun, true happiness, freedom, far off places, and all the peices of green grass that await my touch.

I think about all the traps that I had previously stumbled in to, and how another trap is always just right around the corner for me.

Then I think about how hard it is to get out of those traps and how broken I have become from escaping them.

I look out, "I think that i'll stay down here for a few days." I think to myself.

Maybe staying down in this trap will help me regain the power I once had.

The next two days, things look scary, dark, and gloomy.

I am recovering from the past traps but at the same time I feel worried about what happens next.

My friend comes up close to me and comes in for a kiss, my heart leaps into my throat as a backup away from him.

He look at me with that face, those eyes judging me in every way, those lips linger in my frantic mind, and those hands eager to touch.

It starts to rain, giant drops out of nowhere washing down the sides of the hole.

The bottom is pooling around his feet and mine, and I know I need to climb up or drown in there with him.

My adrenaline is pumping my body to climb as fast I can up those iron spikes to get free from this prison in which i'm kept.

But for some reason right now time has stopped, the rain in the place it falls, my friend stuck with that expectance, and the cold air against my face.

I breath in the still cold air, and I look up at the sky again. This time it's the grey of the storm clouds.

I imagine the world above, how the land spreads across the surface, and the grass beaten down by the rain.

That's when I place my hand on one of the iron spikes behind me.

It cuts me sharply for a second, but it doesn't hurt as much as my first trap had.

I look at the teardrop shaped blood on the tip of my finger, as I do the rain falls down again and my friend comes back to movement.

His look changes into a more calmed face. I know that he is getting tired of waiting for me to make a move to show him how I feel.

Why can't I love him, what's so wrong about him? He's probably perfect for me, but at the same time he is the absolute worst for me.

I know I have to make my choice right now, or else I will be stuck in this chasm forever... Stuck.

That's when I look at him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"i'm sorry, but I can't. I don't feel that way about you, no matter how much I want to."

I grab onto the spikes and climb my way out of the pratfall, once I get to the top I escape from confinement.

Out into the open air, I feel a gust of wind go through me, pass through the long grass, and on to the far off mountains beyond my discernment.

© 2009 Gigi

Author's Note

Pitfall: a lightly covered and unnoticeable pit prepared as a trap for people or animals.

adrenaline: A hormone secreted by the adrenal medulla that is released into the bloodstream in response to physical or mental stress, as from fear or injury. It initiates many bodily responses, including the stimulation of heart action and an increase in blood pressure, metabolic rate, and blood glucose concentration.

chasm:a yawning fissure or deep cleft in the earth's surface; gorge.

Pratfall: a humiliating blunder or defeat.

Discernment: The act or process of exhibiting keen insight and good judgment.