Losing Love

Losing Love

A Poem by Gigi
"

A piece that I'm writing for an actual character in a screenplay that I'm working on. I'm hoping for some feedback. The character, is going through their first separation from their first love.

"
I should be happy that you were in my life at all. 
But here I am...

The halls are darker than they have ever been before. 

The windows as cold as the blood inside my skin. 
You were the warm breath of youth. 

You wrote on me


Words of Love

Fading out, as the wind blows in. 

I never knew...
Or maybe I did. 

That our conclusion would come sooner than expected. 


     That I would die. 


Can I come back home now?
     I don't want to do this anymore. 

     Please end it. Please. 

© 2014 Gigi


Author's Note

Gigi
Anything that I need to work on?

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

I'm no poem expert but the style is interesting and dynamic. Makes reading it pop out more. I also love that I really can't tell if this character in question is dying literally or metaphorically. Excellent wordplay.
The most criticism I feel valid to give is I'm not a fan of the font, but that's more a matter of personal preference.

Posted 9 Years Ago



Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

217 Views
1 Review
Rating
Added on February 9, 2014
Last Updated on February 9, 2014
Tags: break up, hardship, character, screenwriting, screenplay

Author

Gigi
Gigi

Traverse Town, CA



About
I tend to like to write a lot of erotica, romance, teen and poetry. Which I never would have expected. Welcome to this unexpected: more..

Writing
A stupid song A stupid song

A Poem by Gigi


My Poet Tree My Poet Tree

A Poem by Gigi