They fooled me!

life.beliefs.death.beliefs.beyond.beliefs.

 

[{(So... it’s Hell?

Hmmm...but it doesn't seem like..

 

How come he’s here? He was good!

A good son, a good husband, a good father

He was all of the above.

A..n..d. . .yes, I even saw her, she mustn’t be here...in Hell!

...There’s some problem, people are happy here.

Ha! Did I say ‘People’?

Ha.. but, he’s laughing and he’s dancing!

Yeah few are crying, hmmm... these few are cursing, and he’s beating himself.

But these are just FEW of them… What a Hell is this???

It’s just like down there.

Same- few cry- few laugh- I know this all.

What’s new? Do I ask someone? Well, I must.)}]

 

‘Hey you, Sir, you work here?’

 

 

 

 

‘Wow, so are you some officer or something, uh?!!’

 

 

 

 

‘Well... sir, I’m just wondering if it is ACTUALLY Hell?’

 

 

 

‘Yes, well they brought me in, they said it’s Hell.

And there was a signboard written Hell-Come!’

 

 

 

‘Oh no no, I don’t have any problem.. I’m just not.. I mean

It’s NOT LOOKING like HELL!’

 

 

‘Who ME? It’s the first time.’

 

 

 

 

‘Yes, I’m SURE. I haven’t died before it’s the first time, yeah!’

 

 

 

 

‘No...But I know what Hell looks like! I heard of its descriptions.’

 

 

 

 

‘Yeah..not from the dead men but...Okay. Fine, it’s like this I accept it as HELL, so tell me one thing, if it’s Hell, then those people,

 

There...

 

Yes...why they are here?

 

They were good, I knew them.’

 

 

 

 

 

What? No, I mean..but..how come?

 

 

 

 

 

 

But this is Hell!

 

 

 

 

No, but you said it, those officers told me and there was a sign board!

But just now you said it is Heaven, didn’t you?

 

 

 

 

 

Oh...please don’t confuse me, please!

 

 

 

 

Okay explain!

 

 

 

 

Yeah.. I did see the sign board, yes!

 

 

 

 

What ? the door?

 

 

 

 

It was black.

Hey..wait wait...What Do You Think… am I supposed to check the color of the door while entering Hell??? I …Oh Man,you’re.. LISTEN. I am DEAD!

Do you understand, DEAD. Dee Ee Aye Dee!

You know what does it mean? I am no more a living being! And you’re playing.

And that also with the feelings of a dead man!

 

 

 

What the Hell...YOU...

 

Yeah…cool…I’m cool…no I’m not shouting nope!

 

But can you… ah…what do you mean by ‘That Matters’???

Be it Blue, Green, Pink, there be gate or no gate, no door… How Does It Matter!?!

 

It’s HELL my dear, hope you know where’re you workin’?

 

 

 

Ok.

Yeah…speak…I’m listening.. no I am.

 

 

 

Ok I won’t interrupt… but colors?……..ok fine..speak.

 

 

 

ok, so there are two doors.. great!

 

Yeah.. continue. , hmmm…

 

 

 

 

Well yes they took me to the black one, hmmm, fine, so it was for Hell?

That’s what I am saying!

 

 

 

 

Well well. my dear officer… that’s what I am saying. you agree that door’s to Hell, right?

Fine and this is Hell, correct?

Great!!!

So when it is Hell, and I am here because I did all the wrong deeds……I was bad. My question is why the hell they are here??? They were good, I knew many of them. What are they doing here, in Hell?

 

 

 

 

Yeah tell me!

 

 

 

 

No. please………not again… you said this is Hell!

I’ve been listening to your crap!!!

 

 

 

 

You just said it’s Hell….even I’ve reconfirmed it

about..Mmm..Mm…about eight-nine lines above this…..and now you’re denying!

 

 

 

 

Yes it is a denial! What else it is?

 

 

 

 

NO!! I don’t want to listen anything… what the bloody s**t is this!

 

 

 

 

Oh…Please I beg please don’t confuse me, I only want to know that what all we’ve heard about Hell and Heaven, that if we are good we go to heaven and if we are bad we go to hell…is it not right?

 

 

 

 

Yes, see all these people, there, yeah... they used to be good down there but if they are in Hell then why to be good? Especially to them who never do good to others.

 

 

I tell you, I cheated them many times but even then they always treated me like a little brother, now if they are here, it’s a shame to this Hell!

 

 

 

 

Hey, speak something. I want an answer, please help me with this but if you can, just make it simple. No more confusion I am already damn confused!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hmmm..

Hmm..uhmm… fine.

 

 

Yeah… hmm… ok fine.

 

 

Okay. . .but.. ok speak.

But you… hey it’s wrong!

No, but, okay complete… but it’s wrong!

 

 

 

 

No…uhum…but… hmmmm…

 

 

…

 

 

 

Done?

 

Holy S**t!

 

 

 

 

 

I’m gonna sue you all!

 

I’m gonna sue you!!!

 

I swear!

 

Damn..you’re evil! Yeah wicked… Satan yes Satan!!!

 

I mean how COULD you?

 

You’re fooling all! You people are cheaters!

 

We’re innocent; at least we’ve never been to this place before. You have no right to change what’s written! You…you cannot do this!

 

 

We know how Hell or Heaven is! We’ve been given this knowledge from childhood, and I do know what happens in Hell, I’ve seen pictures!

 

 

 

 

Yeah, I saw many. No, they painted them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well I don’t know… and it doesn’t matter, I know those pictures are just like the REAL Hell because I WAS TOLD THAT… ALWAYS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, you’re lying!

 

You are cheaters. You are interfering with our beliefs!

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! They WERE NOT, but YOU are making a FOOL of us.

 

They always told us that there’s fire…and even I saw many paintings just like what they said! So I know they were right.

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know what you’ll get but I know you’re lying!

 

What a wonderful explanation… ha!

 

Front door entry: Heaven

Back door entry: Hell

 

WOW! AWESOME!

 

 

 

 

 

Hey what do you mean???

No… our deeds DO NOT get rewarded then and there!

 

 

 

 

We are not same! No NOT even to GOD!

 

 

 

 

 

I'm NOT SHOUTING!!!

...

 

 

 

 

Okay….yes… I am chill.sorry…fine….. but then why there’s Heaven and Hell…two different places?

 

 

 

 

No they are different!!!

 

What you’re saying is not true, why should I believe you? Now you’re saying there’s no difference, all will live together, differences are made by humans and blah blah blah…

You can say any thing... but I won't believe you!

 

 

 

 

WHY SHOULD I ?

 

 

 

 

 

Man.. I won't let you people go!

 

I'll sue you all!

 

I need to talk. Where's the top man here?

 

I need to talk to HIM!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

Well I started out with a poem and ended up with this. A monologue sort of thing. It's my first attempt to write any thing like this (in terms of the way of writing) so please help me improve. ;]

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

lolz... This one actually made me smile and that too smile a lot, I loved that opening part the most... and the way you scratched every minute detail and that too in such an apt way, that's really very impressive..
From that "Hell-come" thing to the reference of the "two doors" that really made the entire write full of humor.
And trust me, as a poet I'm committing that it is indeed not at all easy for a poet to write something write like...
But you did it very well and I really enjoyed reading it!
Great work...
[But still I prefer your poems than your stories :) ]

[ViolationPhilosophy]

Oh, I love the front door - back door metaphora...description...whatever) That's just so cool to know that you are not the only crazy one. I'm really impressed with monologue - even having only one side of the dialog you said it all, and explanations are right there. Some things confused people, but really, it express character's mood nicely, the confusion and harshness, self-assurance and all that.

[laceyjane23]

i like the method you chose in writing this, i especially liked the sign "hellcome" you did a good job on this piece, i have never written a monologue so i really don't know much about their structure, but i enjoyed reading this.
laceyjane

[KayOss]

Okay. It was like... hrm. I felt the confusion; I was confused. And then I started to get a bit upset, trying to figure it out. Like what in the hell... I think the way you wrote this does serve to emphasize the emotion and feelings within. Like the speaker, the reader feels confused. I was right there with the speaker, trying to figure it out. I got upset too, because the explanation just wasn't coming out. Even more so, because I am getting only half of the conversation (maybe you should write another half of this, from the other perspective. Now THAT would be interesting).

I do like the subject, though. The way you wrote it serves to highlight the fact that things aren't what they seem. It's unwise to believe everything you were told. The jolt from learning the truth can be enormous.

But I agree. I don't think hell's exactly like what they've been telling us. I think that hell was constructed, at least in part, to scare us into being good and believing. Like little children, we adults are scared into behaving by the idea of hell. Hell is our bogey man, our chupacabra... I'm not saying it's not real. I'm just saying that maybe it's not exactly the way we've been told.

Hrm... I wonder if it's a bad sign that I found myself laughing during some of this... I don't think so; it was funny! Great job, here. Hooray for breaking away from the norm!

[Irfan Shah]

Its a nice piece. You have really worked hard on it. You have the gift of writing my friend.

The humor you have put into it and the one-sided conversation was all very well planned and well executed. In case you agree with my feeling that the one-side conversation need a bit more refining, I would suggest you to read the novel of Mohsin Hamid "The reluctant fundamentalist". That whole novel is nothing but a one-sided conversation in which you don't hear the american say anything but the pakistani is telling all the story. You will love it and it may be quite inspiring for you. In fact your writing here is so good, it immediately reminded me of Mohsin Hamid's novel.
Secondly, at times the conversation becomes too complex and boring; try to shorten it a bit. For instance, when you mentioned something about the door and color of the door, a lot of un-necessary text followed before the narrator of your piece finds out that there are 2 doors to the same place (heaven / hell); I feel (and i might be totally wrong) that you may cut some of the un-necessary and not relevant parts which falls in between.
Secondly, at times the transition from dialogue to description is too blunt and the reader may not be ready for it. For example, you may change this:

"What ? the door?

It was black."

to something like this:

"
"What? the door?"

I looked at where the officer was pointing and saw a black door"

or:

"What? the door?... that black one?"

I hope that helped. All in all it was a very nice effort and there were many lines which made me laugh and/or made me think. One such one was "why the hell are they in hell?"... I was kind of expecting something on these lines when I started reading the passage and I really enjoyed it when I read your lines.

All the best and thanks for sharing,

[EliJoLee]

wowow it kinda confused me a lil but then, i got it.
lots of humor.
great read.

[Candle in the wind]

What a trip to hell!!! Must say its better than the one we live in!

[shadadakiya]

that was great i love the way you winged it you did a great job

[Robert Luna]

Very compelling drew me in right away and found that the story being told from one side was interesting as it allowed my own thoughts of what might be taking place in the background with a couple of key details given to allure your senses to dwell a bit in the idea of his scene taking place and you in a way becoming the character of the story itself. I enjoyed this alot and found refreshing and different. A break away from the norm.


Great Job!!!!!!

[Steve Thompson]

I really like what you did here, a whos on first feel, which makes you want to catch the answer. I love the ending and the little twist. Good piece, if anything I would want more! A deep elaborate idea of what heaven and Hell is + more on the back door + the character himeself talking to the other character+ you can take it in any direction!

If it will be a monologue without a 2nd person speaking, I believe the narrator's conversations should give an idea of what the other person is saying through his replies.

Quite frankly, this got too confusing. I do not have any idea what was the reason for the narrator getting pissed off.

But I love the concept a lot. I can see this as a very good comic piece.

A few refinements in the conversation and this will be one of my favorites.