toxic

abusive relationships

and to think, i stayed up countless hours of the night trying to figure out what to say or do that would make you happy again, careful to not say the wrong thing so you wouldn't belittle me or tell me how stupid i was. to think, i actually put your own happiness before mine, ignoring the emotions i was having, ignoring all the red flags i saw, defending your actions every time you would f**k up, even though i knew it was wrong and wrong of me to do that. i knew better, so why did i stay? i knew i deserved way better, i knew i was just hurting myself staying longer, but i couldnt do it. i got so deep into the relationship and i could tell i was the only one who wanted it and i just could not let go, even if it was hurting me. i didnt realize it was such a toxic relationship and i am truly scared to start another relationship because i have a gut feeling it'll just happen again and i cannot put my heart through that type of pain again. 

Author's Note

this little poem or journal entry or whatever you want to call it is about being in a toxic relationship and not being able to get out of it and not allowing yourself to gain the respect and happiness you deserve because you're afraid of leaving the relationship, i get it. i do.