Cast Into the Water

You’re gone.

Cream colored lilies fall to the surface

Of a fast paced river.

The current just carries them away.

They’re just another flower in the water.

 

So much unlike you,

I absent mindedly think.

No, you were placed into that river

And it rippled.

Oh, how that water rippled.

 

The petals and stems drift

Far down the flowing waters.

I follow them with tear laden eyes,

Until they’ve vanished.

They’re almost instantly etched from my mind.

 

They've slipped away from me,

Much like you have.

But you’re not just some lily, cast into the murky waters.

No, you were a satin petaled rose,

Not to ever be forgotten.

 

 

Author's Note

For my Uncle Howard, who passed away last night.

Thank you for causing such a huge ripple in my life.

Reviews

[外人 (Gaiji..]

First of all: condolences, I'm really sorry for your loss :(
The poem is great, full of pathos and VERY vivid images, they're spread all over the poem. I enjoyed also the metrica, people usually write quatrains or octave, not many write pentastichs, original :)

[Jordan's Back]

This is a write that's rendered me speechless


Im Sorry for your loss (hugs)

[devon]

Thank you. I just reread this. It's been so long - I probably shouldn't have. It's funny. People say over time, it gets easier. But it seems that it just gets harder, over time - missing him.

[Jordan's Back]

My sister committed suicide in march. I still feel her loss, and sometimes I wake up thinking she is there still.

[devon]

I am so sorry that you had to loose your sister. Especially that way. I don't know which is worse, and I believe they are probably the same, having someone take their own life, or a disease like cancer stealing them away.

But I do know the feeling of thinking they are still here. It's a good, but also terribly sad feeling to have.

[MandaBear]

condolences, I'm really sorry for your loss :( you can tell you mean every word. well done.

[devon]

Thank you very much. :)

[Aeternal Oceanfire]

To your dear Uncle Howard I offer these three words: Requiescat in pace.
And what a gorgeous poem, truthfully. I have a feeling he would be proud.

[Lumière Dé..]

Very emotional. I'm sorry about your uncle.
You created very vivid images without using basically any adjectives which I love. Comparing influence to ripples, yourself to the river, time to the water's flow, flowers to your uncle... all very clever and sentimental

[Beck Louise]

This has so much emotion in it. you can tell you mean every word. well done.

[Alicia Beavis]

The last stanza finished the piece so perfectly and made it all the most sad for me, as the reader. Great use of symbolism to convey all that you have lost. Very nicely written.

[afra]

the last stanza was my fav ....keep writing

[R.A. Youngblood]

This is so sad and emotional write.
I like the way you expressed your feelings and i like your imagery, i'm sorry for your uncle, i lost my both grandpas too, so at least i can sympathize with you.
Going to my library! Thanks for sharing..Keep it up buddy :D

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and beautiful poem. Your Uncle must of been a good man. People who show us the proper ways need to be part of us always. I'm sorry for your lost. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote