Day Old Tarts and Unbeating Hearts

Tortured Reality gave me three words (Cookie, Dog, and Fire) and this is what I came up with.

Father always told her,

Men only want one thing from a girl.

But when the drunks howl like a dog,

She charges to touch far more than her curls.

 

Any walls that stood ever so nobly

‘Round the tender of her heart,

Now crumbled like a cookie,

And rotted much like a day old tart.

 

Daddy never warned his darling daughter,

Of the self-loathing fire

She would burn inside, for making

A pretty penny and feeding men’s desires.

 

The gates of her heart have fallen,

Just as she has to the grimy floor,

Her still and lifeless body

Mattering to the world no more.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this tale. A old fashion feel to the words. I like the poetry with a warning and a story. Some people must test life and end up in a bad place. I like the complete poem. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[devon]

Thank you very much!

[Lina Grey]

I would never have gotten that out of cookie, dog, and fire. A great piece. I love the emotion in it :)

[devon]

Thank you! :) I really appreciate the review!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I hate rash generalizations based on gender, race, political or religious affiliation, age, education or national origin. i.e. All men are...all women are...all Jews are...all democrats are...all whatever ya got are...because in truth every human being is unique and special. It is when we lose sight of that the masses become one. One to generalize...one to dehumanize...one THEM...It is how Adolf Hitler murdered six million Jews, gypsies and Poles. It is how hate groups like the Ku Klux Klan, Neo Nazis and Black Panthers get a grip on weak minded social climbers. I am not saying that we should not judge others. Because judgment is inevitable! Anyone who says they do not judge others is a liar, plain and simple. But I am saying that if we judge one another then let it be by individual content of our character and not based upon sex, race, age or any other ridiculous criteria. That said, your poem was well developed from the points of inspiration given. I have my pet peeves and when I hear anyone bash my gender or the feminine gender I tend to suffer righteous indignation. I hate discrimination and ignorance. But I do not hate other people. Her father in this poem obviously was a prejudiced bigot against his own gender. If all are bad...then what is left to choose from? How can we choose good? So in that simple statement he forfeited his daughter's ability to choose a good man over a bad one.

[devon]

Do I understand this does not reflect my thoughts on men in general. That was just a line in my poem, put there to add to the meaning. I agree, the statement is one of discrimination. It is the reflection of a father's thinking, however, and him trying to keep his daughter out of the wrong hands. But thank you for reviewing.

I'm very sorry I upset you!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Oh no...I'm not upset...not at all. I was reflecting the wrong thinking of the father towards his daughter. I happen to be a father of a lovely daughter whom I raised and she is now 28 years young. I am very proud of her. And I could never imagine saying anything so horrible to her. I explained sex to her when she was five...about good and bad touches...and about good and bad people...but to generalize is so wrong. Please understand my reference was to the character in your work...I am not personally chastizing YOU. (laughing) FAR FROM IT! If your poem moves another to tears...anger...smiles or agreement...if it MOVES them at all...how else would we know that it IS poetry? Love and peace to you.

[devon]

I get you! Hahaha, thank you, dear. :) And your daughter's very lucky to have such a kind and open minded father!

[Mir]

This was amazing! The fact that you came up with this with only three words to inspire you, is just to good for words. Like honestly, it makes me speechless. You seriously are one of the most talented writers I've ever read! I can see you going very very very very very very far with your writing! Just amazing!

[devon]

Oh my gosh! What a HUGE compliment! Thank you soooo much. You're a brilliant writer yourself, darling. And I hope we both go far!

[Mir]

Why thank ya! :) And me too! I've already thought that if I did ever making it big, whether it be music or writing, or even both, I'd make you regonized for your talent. Hahahahaha :) I think about possible future outcomes a lot.

[morgann <3]

its really goooodddd

[devon]

Thanks!