Day Old Tarts and Unbeating Hearts

Tortured Reality gave me three words (Cookie, Dog, and Fire) and this is what I came up with.

Father always told her,

Men only want one thing from a girl.

But when the drunks howl like a dog,

She charges to touch far more than her curls.

 

Any walls that stood ever so nobly

‘Round the tender of her heart,

Now crumbled like a cookie,

And rotted much like a day old tart.

 

Daddy never warned his darling daughter,

Of the self-loathing fire

She would burn inside, for making

A pretty penny and feeding men’s desires.

 

The gates of her heart have fallen,

Just as she has to the grimy floor,

Her still and lifeless body

Mattering to the world no more.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this tale. A old fashion feel to the words. I like the poetry with a warning and a story. Some people must test life and end up in a bad place. I like the complete poem. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[devon]

Thank you very much!

[Author Rucha Joshi]

Cool!!!

[devon]

:D

[Flaming Maisie]

loved it! :D

[devon]

Thank you, I'm glad!

[Annabelle Lee]

This is great, Devon! Tragically beautiful. Exquisite!

[devon]

Thank you!!

[Sir Jaykom]

This is an excellent piece. Nicely composed. Good job on the choice of words you used! i like it. very. much.

[devon]

Thank you. very. much. :)

[.]

Beautifully done,Devon. This is like a nursery rhyme from hell lol. I love your use of description and sensory details that paints a raw tone for your audience. I think the only suggestion I have would be to delete the comma after "has" in the third to last line, and let your masterpiece flow stronger. Great job, and thank you for your read request.

[devon]

Thank you! I'll go fix that little flubber up there :)

[.]

Lol

[Becca Bishop]

Ok, clear the room everybody. We have a genius in our midst. And no, I'm not talking about me (for once).
I can't believe you came up with this with those words!!!! It's like.....WAWRCH!!!!! You know, I've just noticed that I use a lot of made up words in my review....that's a wee bit weird. Oh well. I'll deal with it. Um....oh yes, I was being amazed.
WAWRCH!!!!!
You are one crazy fruit loop!!! (That was a compliment...I think). A crazy, talented fruit loop!!!
Oh - and just so you know - I may hate you right now. Stop being so talented!!! Well, actually don't stop!!! DON'T STOP!!!!

[devon]

Oh my goodness. You are just a bundle of sunshine, my Lord! Thank you so very much, dear! Though I can't take the HUGE compliment of being a genius, I do thank you very, very much for the other flattery! Holy cow.

:)

[Becca Bishop]

Was it you I was threatening with a soft plastic ruler the other day? I have one rule and one rule only:
IF I SAY YOU'RE A GENIUS THAN YOU ARE A GENIUS!!!!
Well, actually I also have a second rule:
IF I TELL YOU TO MAKE ME PASTA THEN YOU MAKE ME A CAKE!!!!
But not many people follow that one. I think they think that I'm not being serious. Oh well :P :P :P :P :P
Man, what is with me today???!!!!

[devon]

I don't believe I was the one threatened with a plastic ruler! :)

[Becca Bishop]

Well, considered yourself threatened now. Here, I'll make it official:
IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW RULE NUMBER ONE I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH MY SOFT PLASTIC RULER UNTIL YOU BEG FOR MERCY AND/OR ADMIT YOUR A GENIUS AND/OR MAKE ME A CAKE.
-By order of Becca Bishop
Caps makes everything more official :P

[devon]

Okay, okay!

[Becca Bishop]

:D Good. I'm glad you see it my way ;D

[devon]

Well, what do you expect, when you threaten a person with a ruler?! :)

[Becca Bishop]

Touche...I'M A SCARY PERSON!!!! YAY!!!! Fear the ruler ;D ;D ;D ;D
....It's really hard to make a smiley face look evil, have you noticed?

[devon]

I've always thought that this face looked down right evil: >:D

[Becca Bishop]

Wonderful! I'm going to use that from now on! It'll by my personal...whatever you call it!! >:D MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[devon]

Hahahaha! Glad I could assist you :)

[Frieda P]

The significance of your words are so profound, especially if you're a daughter. This was like a slap in the face, and I mean that in a good way. :)

[devon]

Thank you for the lovely review :)

[River Page]

This was so so so incredibly good! And I'm personally pissed that it is not longer. In fact I am so pissed that I am ending this review NOW.

[devon]

Oh my God. Stop. I seriously think I may just love you! You are too nice, even when you're p-d off (haha, sorry, can't bring myself to swear)! But seriously. Stop. YOU ARE KILLING ME WITH YOUR KINDNESS.

[River Page]

And you with yours :) And its okay. Piss isn't a swear word unless your around my mom. lol

[devon]

Hahaha, I can't even say the "p" word without turning red, let alone a curse word! I don't know why. So, I have to use the term "willy" instead, lol.

[River Page]

Oh god, lol. I believe we are going to be godd friends, oh coservative one.

[devon]

That's good that you think that, because I see it in the cards, oh-non-conservative-one! :)

[MandaBear]

Amazing! Very clever! Great use of the words that you were giving. I agree with Miranda that you are going to go very far with your writing!

[devon]

Thank you so much for reading, and leaving such a sweet review!!