Complaints To The Developer of Reality / If I Were The Dev

Warning: the following material is just for entertainment, not as a serious perspective, commentary or philosophy or anything like that.. Purely for fun.






Here's the first idea: to make people able to reproduce on their own, so we didn't have these pointless debates on gender roles and trying to figure out which half of the equation is more important to the process of producing offsprings.. Because in the end if you're missing either one then there won't be any reproduction. So throw out the two genders and make one.

Another benefit would be a smaller population because odds are that more people would be born with a strong aversion to the idea of subjecting themselves to the agony involved in birthing their offsprings. Yeah, that'd be left over material from the male wusses that'd die under the same stress and agony.

It'd also make the question of "who's this kid's father anyway?" kinda pointless. No more pregnancy mysteries about wives getting knocked up while their husband was away 🤣🤣🤣 just think about the money you save on lawyers and private investigators!

Of course while we're at the sex stuff, I would also like the flexibility of body to lick my own private parts like dogs do, just because I always wanted to try that on myself 🤣 it looks like a lot of fun. I mean it'd also spare us the trouble of asking for oral and thinking up elaborate schemes to trick people into putting our things in their mouths, huh?

And hey, I'd never have to leave the house again except for when I'm going to work. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yea that'd be great huh 🤣🤣 and yes, I intended to make it a list of goofy stuff because... Let's face it, none of it will happen anyway.. But if they do, then being honest about the stuff I want just means I'll still get my way so that's optimistic thinking if I've ever seen optimistic thinking 🤣🤣


Yea it might be worth adding some stuff that would benefit everyone.. �"Because that way they wouldn't just blame me for the new disasters they'd have to contend with because I could just say "but I also got you this and this and this etc etc.. And I made yall more fit and capable, less complacent, more competent and highly motivated to stay alive and not be total jerks for no reason. How's that?"

So with that in mind, let's continue our list..
Everyone would have a place to call home and wouldn't ever have to pay taxes for having this abstract concept labeling a physical space which primarily serves as storage space for all their stuff, which they purchased for prices that already include taxes.

Second.. No one would ever die of starvation and thirst because everyone would always have enough food and water to get by, not enough to throw away and waste and whatnot, no.. Just enough to be nourished. So if you somehow manage to kick the bucket because of starvation or thirst... Then, sorry.. You need to play the tutorial first where we learn how to eat and drink.. Also after watching an ad barrage you can get our complimentary can opener to open your food supplies.. for free. or get it by becoming a premium member..



After that one, I'm sure, you'll love the part on using the bathroom 🤣🤣🤣 hahaha



And then everyone would be asked to fill out the survey before birth, if they want to be born or not. They'd get the details of their parent and social and economic situation and the dominant traits of the parent and living conditions along with the risk factor of getting flattened or enslaved by one of the giants in the area.. And then they can decide if they want to live or not. So no more "boo hoo, I was abused and mistreated" coming from people in their thirties. You chose it, now suck it up.


I'd also have everyone receive a red button which is the same as clicking "quit" in a video game because they should be able to have full ownership of their lives.

Here's another list item.. When being indoctrinated into any religion, I'd also have the list with all the details available on every religion and such with their terms and conditions detailed. So people could choose their afterlife and how they want to be judged.. Or they could choose to be reincarnated over and over again. I'd also allow for save games and creating multiple characters.
In addition I'd let them replay previous scenarios.
Because why not? It'd certainly make life more tempting to hang onto if it had replay value, right?


And then, I'd also want me one of those annoying ad banners at the bottom of the screen.. That'd say "remember to thank Dennis for being so kind" and then under that I'd have the plethora of social media sharing buttons and of course the "if you like this, buy me a coffee" because I'm an honest guy, I like coffee.

Oh and of course, to take the mystery further out of death, just before the "game over " message, I'd have a full screen ad that you can't skip or even close the app... And the ad would say "Remember to hit like and subscribe and check the notification button so you don't miss the rest of my goofy creations. Hope you've learnt your lessons for your next try. And if you're not a candidate for reincarnation please consider joining the cycle of souls again some time and enjoy your stay in St. Peter's hotel on Moses Beach."

And now to continue the list, there's another feature I want for the schmucks who don't want to part with their money... But I still want to keep them hooked... So we will have this feature that whenever you fail a quest or somehow meet your demise you get the option to watch an ad and start over once the ad is finished.
Also.. **pressing the red button voids your right to this service, unless you are a premium member.

Of course, I'd have the ad say "Tired of ads? We understand your frustration. So upgrade to premium now, only 0.89 per month and no ads." to make it sell better, people couldn't restart where they left off, no, they'd have to start from the beginning. Just so they would be inconvenienced and more inclined to part with their funds. The only reason I'd have this watered down option available for free would be because I care..
No, not about you, just my ratings in the celestial reality store of universes and miserable existences.

Author's Note

Yadadada