[Woven World]

 I can only meet you with a granite stare

a mark of my

own failure to give    [give back]

 

Chasming with reluctance.

 

Why do I think of the red fox?
The northern pacific mountains, umbrellaed in evergreens.

That backpacker with the brown curls and the grey eyes

I couldn’t help but smile whenever she laughed.

 

 

            The dilemma lies in doing    [being]

            Return to the scene of the stare.

 

 

Boil away

to a vapor, a trace     [is that nothing enough?]

quilted in glass

slice then shatter

 

 

            Take me back to those mountains

Clouds purposefully moving low, as if revealing a great secret, hidden in hills.

Todaiji, Kyoto

that steel ocean

Brooklyn

juvenile sea lions, barking behind joggers wearing headphones

Oblivious      [Oblivion]

 

 

I want to sing sad songs

dance

laugh, starve

wear old sweaters

grow my hair long

run 50 miles

speak Japanese

get devastated

 

           

            I still haven’t learned how to live as me

merely entertaining empty what-ifs and hallow ideals

 

 

            All I can do is stare back.

 

 

I weave my world

break it

vaporize it     [is that nothing enough?]

Author's Note

Please give me your ideas for revisions.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

A very interesting poem. So many good lines in it...Bravo...:)>...............

[bobc]

D...another strong effort. Like how you've used nouns as verbs...chasming and umbrellaed.

Not much in the way of suggestions for you but I do have a question about hallow in the ''...empty what-its and hallow ideals' line. Did you mean hollow instead of hallow? (If you meant hallow, the verb, I'm not sure it's working as an adjective in this case. Then again, you could say '...hallowing ideals' to stay with it as a verb and make it consistent with '...merely entertaining empty what-ifs' earlier in the line.)

Good work. Keep at it...bobc

[Ruth]

Wow! Personally, this flows beautifully for me! Superb :)

[Jordan Bryant]

I love how vivid your imagery is throughout this entire piece. My only suggestion for revision would be to ask yourself if the format of the poem is servicing the poem itself. The form should function. If you believe it does, then the reader will too.