Life With Out You (My Worst Nightmare)

Life With Out You (My Worst Nightmare)

You died on August 24, 2016, just days after your 18^th birthday. To most, it was a shock; to others, it was expected, but still no less terrible. I knew you were going through a rough patch and I tried to help you as much as I possibly could, but in the end, it just wasn't enough. The day before you did it, I was crying in my room and I had called you because I really needed help. You told me to be strong and that I’d make it through and that you love me, and then you hung up. That was the last time we ever spoke.

I don’t understand why you did it. I knew you were sad but on your birthday, you had seemed so happy. You told me that you were finally over all of your problems and you could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just didn't know that the light would be the one bringing you to Heaven. You were so young and you deserved everything in the world. The ones who deserve the best always seem to be the ones who are handed the world’s s**t on a plate and are told “Good Luck”. It just isn't fair at all.

I miss you, every single day. There hasn't been a night since you left that I haven’t cried myself to sleep and there hasn't been a single day when I haven’t been thinking about you every second of the day. We were supposed to be the ones who save everyone else, not the ones who need saving. I wish I could have saved you. You were my best friend and I need you. I need your hugs and your smiles and your sweet voice telling me that I’ll make it, that I can do anything I want, that you’ll never leave. I need that reassurance right now because I’m losing myself and I can’t see a happy ending at the end of the story. There’s nothing left for me. You were all I had and you’re gone now. I don’t know how to live anymore.

The days stretch on and on and on and the nights suffocate me in their emptiness. Music doesn't help, especially since I have your favorite song on permanent repeat. Our friends try to comfort me by hanging out with me and always calling me just to talk but it doesn't help; it actually makes it worse. None of them knew you like I did. None of them knew what you looked like when you first woke up in the morning or which TV shows you liked to watch late at night or which faces you made according to what you were thinking about. None of them loved you like I did and none of them were loved back like I was. None of them really knew how sad you were so none of them tried to help. They all loved you and they all miss you but not like me. I will never stop missing you.

On most days, I want to leave so I wouldn't have to miss you so much. I've considered it so many times but I’m afraid that you’d be disappointed in me for being so weak. You always told me to be strong and to push through but I don’t think I can when you couldn't because you were always so much stronger than I am. You were the one who was always there for me when I was breaking and needed someone to hold me together. I just don’t understand why you left without so much as a ‘Goodbye’. Were you thinking about me when you did it? Were you crying because I had no idea that you were going to do it? We have been together for over three years and we had plans to be together after college. How could you erase all of that with a rope and some pills? When you killed yourself, you should have killed me too because I can’t live like this. I can’t live without you.

There is nothing holding me back from flying high except the thought that you would have been disappointed in me. I have been visiting your grave every single day but I probably won’t anymore. I probably won’t be doing very much of anything anymore. Like you always said, I can do anything I want, and I want to leave. Goodbye my friend, I’ll see you again soon enough.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

It's a beautifully put together flow of thoughts. I'll admit... I wouldn't react the way the one left behind is portrayed, so I can't relate to the mechanics of the plot. However you are able to put across the emotions felt along the path that this one has chosen. The piece is a fine balance of description and story and is woven well as it is read down the page.

Thanks for sharing!
Aaron - Wolfwind

[Takoda Sorvillo]

Beautiful goodbye story... Very moving piece