Chapter Two

Bailey, with his hawk-like face and pointed features, said to Langdon, “Okay, I’ll do what I can, even though it goes against my better judgment.  Let me follow you to your place so I can speak with Miss St. Clair.  How long has she been employed by you, by the way?”

            “She’s been with us since the delivery.  She came with excellent references.”  Langdon followed Bailey out of the office, and Bailey locked it behind him.

            Bailey then followed Langdon in his brand new Ford Mustang which he could only afford, along with the office supplies and equipment, by cashing out part of his 401K plus using the money paid him by his wife’s life insurance policy.  They pulled up at a gated drive in Ladue.  The gate opened automatically for Langdon and Bailey followed him through.  He was stunned at how wealthy they must be; the mansion probably had seven or eight bedrooms at least.  Five-hundred thousand dollars would be like a drop in the ocean to this couple.  Again it crossed his mind that someone needed a specific amount of money.  He made a mental note to find out how they acquired such wealth.  The Langdons made the Beckers look like the Beverly hillbillies.

            They walked up to the front door together and the door opened from the inside by a man who appeared to be in his fifties, with short-cropped salt and pepper hair, very distinguished looking, and gracious.  Bailey didn’t know that people still owned butlers.   “Mr. Bailey, this is our man-about-the-house, Alexander,” Langdon said in introduction.  “He is our chauffer when we prefer one, our butler, and our chef.”

            Alexander bowed to Bailey and said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you sir.”

            He had been with the Langdons for fifteen years, starting as a personal chef.  But he quickly established a knack for keeping the whole household running smoothly.  Naturally, as the years passed, his responsibilities increased, and he was now, indisputably, the king of the castle.

            Langdon dismissed Alexander with a glance, turned, and said to Bailey, “Let’s go right up to the nursery.”  Bailey agreed and, together, they climbed a large and grand, steep and curved marble staircase to the second floor.  There was a corridor to the left, one straight ahead, and one to the right.  Langdon led the way to the left and stopped at the last room on the right, and opened the door.  Bailey stood at the door, astounded at the sight before him.  The nursery was a mini-planetarium.  The walls and ceiling were painted a midnight blue, the ceiling was adorned with Christmas lights arranged in various constellations, and the mobile over the crib was a replica of our solar system.  And over in the corner was a spherical Chinese lantern that he supposed was to represent the moon.

            Bailey found it easy to imagine Mr. Langdon as a doting father, checking on his son frequently.  He wondered if they left the lunar orb glowing in the nighttime, rather than having a night light.  The room was not just unusual, it was unique.  No one yet turned off the sparkling lights on the ceiling or the Chinese lantern and shadows crisscrossed the room like a skeleton, dismantled. 

            He said to Langdon, “This is the coolest room I’ve ever seen.  Who did this?”

            “My wife hired a designer, I don’t remember his name.”

            Bailey said, “Okay let me start by interviewing Miss St. Clair.”

            “Let’s go to my study, and I will send for her.”  They went back down the corridor and down the stairs to the first floor, and took a corridor in the opposite direction. The study should really have been called a library.  Against every wall were shelves from floor to ceiling filled completely with books, all of them hardcover. There were biographies, auto biographies, non-fiction, true crime, and every subject imaginable of fiction.  There were two high-backed armchairs of brown leather and between them was a game table that looked as though you could play checkers, backgammon, and a host of other games.  Behind them, right by the only window in the room, stood a good-sized telescope, and over in the corner was a large, vintage ,  free-standing globe.  Langdon pressed a button on the wall which was an intercom, and said, “Alexander, would you send Maddy to the study please.”

            Not more than two minutes passed before Maddy came into the study.   She was about five feet and five, with short brunette hair, an ordinary nose, and full, pouty lips.  She wore blue jeans and a tee-shirt,  and  her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, she had obviously been crying a lot.  “Maddy, this is Mr. Bailey, who I’ve hired to help find Lance.  He wants to ask you a few questions.  I will leave you two alone,” Langdon said abruptly.

            Maddy interrupted, “But the note said not to call the police.”

            Bailey said to Maddy, “I am not with the police, I am a professional investigator.”

            “Oh, okay,” she said doubtfully, “I, of course, will help in any way I can.”  Langdon left the room quietly at that point.

            Bailey took control.  “Let’s start from first thing this morning.  I need you to tell me absolutely everything that happened, down to every last detail that you can recall.  Just say it all and I will ask questions when you are done.”  She nodded, dabbing at her nose with a tissue.

            “Well, I awoke at seven-thirty this morning like I always do.  I always check on Lance first thing after I’m up.  So I went to his room and he was sleeping soundly.  He always does, he sleeps excellently through the night and usually wakes around eight.  That leaves me time to shower and get dressed, brush my teeth, brush my hair, and put on my make-up.  So I did all that and went back to Lance’s room.  He was awake then, just lying there quietly, he really is a good baby.  So I gave him his bath and put on a fresh diaper and outfit.”  Bailey interrupted.

            “What outfit did he have on?”

            “It was a pair of turquoise blue pants and a short-sleeved white shirt with horizontal turquoise stripes.  Then I fed him his breakfast and we went for a walk around the grounds.  When we were done we came back up to his playroom so he could play for awhile.  I always do my reading while he plays.  Mrs. Langdon came in for a little while but she never stays very long,” she added acerbically.  “I changed his diaper again and fed him his morning snack. Today he ate vanilla wafers and milk.  I took him with me to do the grocery shopping.” 

            Bailey looked at her quizzically, “I thought Alexander was the chef?”

            “Alexander does all the cooking for Mr. and Mrs. Langdon and myself, but I take care of Lance.  So I did the shopping then we came back home.  I fed him his lunch and ate mine and by then it was one o’clock and time for his afternoon nap.  He usually sleeps no more than an hour.  My room is adjacent to his so I can hear him if he’s making noise or crying; there’s also a baby monitor.  Two o’clock came and went and I still didn’t hear anything, so I finished the chapter I was reading.  At that point it was two-thirty and I still hadn’t heard anything so I went to check on him but he wasn’t in his crib.  I went to get Alexander and when we returned to the nursery we saw the note.  I read the note that was pinned to his blanket and called Mr. Langdon right away.”

            Bailey asked, “And you heard nothing on the baby monitor?”

            Maddy replied, “No.”

            “Okay Miss St. Clair, I think that is all I need from you right now.  Can you take me back to the nursery, I need to check for fingerprints?  And speaking of fingerprints, can I get yours right now to compare to the ones found on the ransom note?”

            She complied and took Bailey back to the nursery.  He looked around the room.  There was the crib, the mobile representing the solar system, the lights representing the stars, and the Chinese lantern representing the moon.  His blanket was celestial-themed as well, being covered with half moons and stars and comets.  There was a white dresser which was low but wide.  A baby changing table sat on top of it.  There was a large white bookcase with hundreds of children’s books.  All of these surfaces Bailey checked for fingerprints and found none.  None from Lance, none from Maddy, none from Mr.  or Mrs. Langdon, absolutely none.  Every surface had been wiped clean.  And the baby monitor had been turned off.

            Bailey still had to figure out how someone got past the security gate to gain access to the estate in the first place; but then also how someone got in and out of the house without being seen by Maddy or Alexander.  The immediate next step was to question Alexander, and investigate Maddy, Alexander, and the Langdons.  Bailey also noticed on his cell phone that there were three new voicemails.

            He summoned Alexander and together they went to the study.  Bailey told Alexander that he had a few questions to ask and to please be as thorough as he possibly could be.  Alexander agreed.  “First of all,” Bailey said, “I need to know your full name.”

            “My name is Alexander Joseph Goodman.”

            “Okay, now I need you to tell me to the best of your recollection everything that you did this morning.”

            “I awoke at six this morning.  I showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, those sorts of things and got dressed.  I always serve breakfast at seven-fifteen.  This morning I fixed eggs benedict and fresh fruit along with juice and coffee.  I cleaned up the dishes and started the dishwasher.  Then I went ahead and made the salad that would be served at lunch today.  From nine until noon is my personal time.  Today, I ran a few errands for myself, like going to the bank, the post office, a department store, and a home improvement store.  I took the Langdon’s car in for its lube, oil, and filter.  At that point it was noon and time for me to finish preparing lunch.  So I broiled some chicken breasts to lay atop the salad.  Maddy came and took hers to eat while she fed the baby.  Mr. Langdon came home and ate at twelve-thirty like he always does.  Mrs. Langdon usually spends the mornings here and then works in the afternoon. The Langdons left at about one o’clock and I again cleaned up the kitchen.  At one-thirty I lay down for my afternoon nap; I generally nap from one-thirty until three o’clock.  But at about two-thirty, Maddy called upon me to help look for the baby.  This was before she discovered the ransom note.  We both went to the nursery and that is when we saw the note pinned to the blanket.”

            “Who normally picks up the mail after it is delivered?” Bailey asked.

            “I do,” replied Alexander.

            “Okay, I’m going to go fetch some non-latex gloves I want you to wear when you’re picking up the mail, in case the kidnappers attempt to communicate via the mail.  If any of the mail looks irregular to you,  I want you to resist opening it, don’t let anyone else touch it, and call me right away.  Is that understood?”

            “Yes, sir,” declared Alexander.

            Bailey went for the gloves and gave them to Alexander.  He returned to the car and drove back to the office.  It was now four-thirty and he still had a lot to do.  First, he retrieved his three voicemails.  One was from a law firm inquiring if he would be interested in serving summons’ and subpoenas for them.  That was a definite yes, he wrote down their name and number on his legal pad.  The second one was from an insurance company asking if he would be interested in investigating fraudulent claims.  Another yes�"he was happy his advertisements were paying off.  The third and final message was from a debt collection agency wondering if he would be interested in skip tracing cases for them.  Again, a yes.  He figured himself a fool to turn down any work so early in his new career.

            There was just enough time before five o’clock to email an advertisement for a receptionist to the local newspaper.  Hopefully it was in time to be run in tomorrow’s paper.

            Now, he needed to run background checks on the Langdons, Alexander, and Maddy.  He had signed up with a background services company for these matters.  He ran a criminal records search, an employee background check, and a business background check on all four of them.  All of their records came back clean except for Maddy who was arrested for petty theft when she was sixteen but in the ten years since that time her record was also clean.

            Maddy was arrested for shoplifting garments from a clothing store.  Since she was a first-time juvenile offender, she received only a small fine and 1 year of informal probation.  Her employee background check was clean.  Bailey would have to more thoroughly examine her past to make sure that nothing was overlooked.

            He called the Langdon residence and spoke to Alexander.  “Alexander, is this a  landline or a cell phone?”

Alexander replied, “This is a cell phone, Mr. and Mrs. Langdon only have a landline for the fax machine.  He asked to speak to Maddy.

  After a few moment’s wait, she picked up the phone and said, “This is Maddy.”

            “Miss St. Clair, this is Bailey, the professional investigator that you spoke with earlier today.”

            “Yes sir, how can I help you?”

            “Well as part of this investigation, I ran background checks on the Langdons, yourself, and Alexander.  I know about your shoplifting offense when you were a teenager.  Don’t worry I probably won’t have to tell the Langdons anything since otherwise nothing shows up in your background.”  He heard a sigh of relief over the phone.  “However, I do need to check your background a little more thoroughly so, in the interest of finding Lance, I wondered if you could answer a few questions for me?”

            “Of course, anything I can do to help.”

            “What high school did you go to?”

            “Francis Howell.”

            “And did you go to college or start working immediately after graduation?”

            “I went to college at Lindenwood College here in St. Louis.”

            “And what was your major and minor?”

            “My major was in child psychology, and my minor was in English.”

            “Okay, now  I need a list of your employers from the time you finished college until the time you started working for the Langdons, and their addresses and telephone numbers.”

            “Could I just fax you a copy of my resume?  It has all of that information on it.”

            “Certainly,” Bailey said and gave her the fax number to his office.

            He received the fax not even five minutes later.  Maddy had graduated cum laude from college and got her first post as a nanny three months later, after traveling through Europe for a couple of months.  She stayed at that position for almost two years and until her next position for almost two years and now she was with the Langdons.  It was too late today to do anything more with Maddy’s background.

            Then he remembered that he forgot to cover their cell phone.  He put in a call to a cell phone tracing agency and gave the Langdon’s number.  He spoke to a representative on the phone.  “I need the location of any incoming calls to this number, is that possible?”

            The representative responded, “Yes, we use a triangulation process of tracking overlapping signals.  It can tell us a location within twenty-five to one-hundred meters.”  Bailey gave them a credit card number to pay for the service.

            Bailey now found just enough daylight time to go back to the Landon’s to inspect the area  outside the nursery windows.  He made an assumption earlier that Lance must have been taken out through the house, but he remembered the use of a ladder in the Lindbergh kidnapping and decided he should take a look.  Alexander let him through the security gate and Bailey pulled right up in front of the house.  He went around the left side of the house and looking up to second floor could identify which two windows belonged to the nursery.  The  ground beneath both windows was concrete so there would be no footprints to be found in the dirt, unfortunately.

            Bailey asked Alexander if he could be let into the nursery one more time.  Alexander led the way and waited, watching with interest.  Bailey opened both windows and checked the screens.  Both were firmly in place.  He then checked for fingerprints on the window sills, and these too had been wiped clean.  He had a sudden intuition he was about to find something significant or that he was overlooking something.  This sixth sense of his was quite keen and had served him well when he was a detective and even when he was sheriff.  He couldn’t shake off the feeling but also he ran out of ideas for searching for clues at the house. He got back in his Mustang and drove back to the Central West End.  On the way, his cell phone rang and it was Taylor on the other end.

            Taylor said, “I’m heading back to the office, will you be there?”

            Bailey said, “Yes I’ll be there shortly and remind me to give you a key to the place.”

            “Good idea about the key.  You won’t believe what I’ve been through today.  I can hardly wait to tell you about the Beckers.”

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 32-40)

32) Bailey definitely needs to address the issue of a receptionist.

33) Establish that he is back at his office and then take us through the business of the background checks. And keep with the more formal "Miss St. Clair", especially in Bailey's case; he is an older gentleman and probably wouldn't refer to the young woman in such a familiar way. And giving her a petty thief conviction is a nice touch.

34) Here you could probably just go with "St. Clair", dropping the Miss.

35) Have something to base the question on. Even if you say, "something occured to him" or "he thought of something"...the way you have it written it seems like Bailey just called to find out if the Langdons had a landline. And if that actually is the nature of the call, establish that.

36) A answers the question. And then you need to close quotes and start a new paragraph with Bailey asking to speak with Miss St. Clair.

37) She should say "this is Madeline St. Clair" or something like that, not just "this is Maddy"...again, too informal.

38-39) Nothing wrong with this.

40) I wonder why the fabulously wealthy Langdon's wouldn't already know about St. Clair's juvenile conviction--actually, now that I think about it, I wonder why anyone WOULD...aren't juvie records sealed? When Langdon said earlier "she came with excellent references" and I suggested he might have used a 'tone', perhaps this is why; because he knew she was a shoplifter but the references outweighed the offense. It might be more interesting for St. Clair to let her guard down and be like, "so what, tell them"...I don't know, just a thought.

I have to go :-( See you Monday :-)
xxoo -kimmer

[KAOlmsted]

paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 29-31)

29) Assuming you've gone through all of the formalities with Alexander, I'll start with this lengthy bit of dialogue about his movements for the morning. This really needs to be broken up into a question and answer session. Remember: direct questions from Bailey and ever-so-slightly evasive answers from A interspersed with internal dialogue about the observations Bailey is making about A's behavior--you want to build suspiscion here. I want to think at this point that any one--if not all three--of these people might be connected to the disappearance of this little boy.

30) My only real issue with this paragraph is the word "fetch". Maybe Bailey says he will "supply" A with some gloves.

31) You don't need to walk us through the glove exchange. Say something like, "After he gave Alexander the gloves, Bailey returned to his car and noticed he had three missed calls on his cell." And thinking about it, I don't know if Bailey should listen to the voice mails now, especially as they do nothing to move the plot forward. Maybe save the calls for when he gets a receptionist; she can take the calls and Bailey can say yay or nay whether he wants the jobs. Maybe have him discuss the jobs with Taylor and maybe Taylor doesn't think they need to take the jobs. Creates a bit of tension and shows Taylor is not Bailey's lapdog. But unless the calls are about Langdon or Becker, I'd skip them for right now.

xxoo -kimmer

[KAOlmsted]

So I only got to paragraph 28 today, and that's where I'll leave it for now. Stay tuned tomorrow for the rest :-) Paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 27-28)

27) "Miss St. Clair and Alexander." "The immediate next step was to question Alexander, and investigate the entire household, including service men, repair men, and anyone else who had access to the house over the past several weeks. This crime took some planning." If the cell phone calls are important, bring them up later. The line doesn't really fit here.

28) Maybe have Bailey search for Alexander, which gives you an excellent opportunity to expand on the grandeur of the home. Perhaps he finds Alexander in the large, industrial-equipped kitchen, laboring over a stew or something. Use Bailey's senses. And keep him in the kitchen. If Alexander is on his own turf, so to speak, he might be more forthcoming and supply Bailey with additional information. Play with the dialogue, too. Bailey compliments the aromas, etc. Have him ease into his questions a bit--Alexander looks like a tough nut to break. But if he is the man-about-the-house who believes he is the king-of-the-castle, he is most likely a wealth of knowledge about the occupants.

Okay my love, that is as far as I got today...I hope it helped. Like I said, I'll post more tomorrow (I hope--Ole Netty just went on a beeping spree...ugh)
Either way...talk to you then. xxoo -kimmer

[KAOlmsted]

Paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 17-26)

17) Have Bailey make sure Miss St. Clair is seated comfortably, and maybe have him reflect a little on his old detective days, his old interviewing techniques. The dialogue here is fine, but St. Clair's actions need to start a new paragraph.

18) Wow...she really did give him every last detail. Bailey's interruption needs to start a new paragraph.

19) "Bailey interrupted, "Could you describe the outfit?" " Reverting back to cop-speak.

20) Good.

21) Good.

22) I didn't get a real explanation for why she did the shopping. Maybe add a little inner-staff tension here. Perhaps Alexander thinks grocery shopping is beneath him. The rest is okay.

23) Good question.

24) Good.

25) Bailey strikes me as a take charge kind of guy. I wonder if this might sound more authentic if he tells her what he wants as opposed to asking her. And, just out of curiosity, why does he need her to take him back to the nursery, especially as you don't use her for dialogue once they get there. And why tell her why he's going there; and he should just tell her he is going to take her fingerprints, maybe judge her reaction, and then dismiss her.

26) How about: "Back in the nursery, Bailey looked around without touching anything. Having a closer look, he registered the celestial theme--even the baby's blanket was covered in half-moons and stars. He wondered if they glowed in the dark. Langdon's telescope may have been the inspiration for the design." Or something like that. And, as a Mommy, I can tell you a changing table on a low dresser would be a back-breaker. Just a thought, if you're going to describe the furniture--and I think you should--make the changing table a seperate unit ;-)

[KAOlmsted]

Paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 13-16)

13) Again, I gave your bones some flesh...again, feel free to use all or none. Try: "While they waited for Alexander to collect Miss St. Clair, Bailey used the time to comment on the elaborate telescope that pointed out the large window behind Langdon's desk. He'd never seen anything quite like it, outside of the Planetarium." New paragraph: " "A family heirloom," Langdon said, but offered no further information." New paragraph: "The longest two minutes of Bailey's life passed before Miss Madeline St. Clair knocked softly on the doorframe, and then hovered in the passageway as though she was unaccustomed to being in the room. Bailey had a fleeting thought that it may have been an act for his benefit." (everyone is a suspect if you make everyone just a bit suspicious) "She was about five feet and five, with short brunette hair, an ordinary nose, and full, pouty lips." I don't know that the affluent Langdons would have their nanny in anything but a uniform, but that's your call. Drop the "a lot", you don't need it. And maybe have Langdon call her Miss St. Clair instead of the familiar Maddy. These are wealthy people who may not be so casual with the help. I would lose the "abruptly".

14) Good.

15) "Miss St. Clair"

16) I don't think you need to say “I, of course, will help in any way I can.” And Langdon leaving the room should be a new paragraph, whether he leaves quietly or with a grand show is up to you.

onward xxoo

[KAOlmsted]

Paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 12-

12) I went ahead and did a bit of a rewrite here. Feel free to use all or none of it ;-) New paragraph: "Bailey supposed the room may have been used for studying, but from what he saw on the hardcover spines of the hundreds and hundreds of books that lined the floor-to-ceiling built-ins, the reading was decidedly less academic and geared more toward the liesurely; Bailey could have easily spent hours perusing the shelves." New paragraph: "Langdon indicated Bailey should take a seat in one of two high-backed brown leather chairs, between which sat a game table prepared to offer checkers, backgammon, chess. To Bailey's eye, the table looked as though it didn't get much use." New paragraph: "Once Bailey was seated, Langdon pressed an invisible button that immediately summoned Alexander. He appeared on the threshold of the study that quickly, Bailey wondered if the man had been standing just outside the door. Langdon spoke his orders: "Please send for Miss St. Clair." And Alexander took his orders with a small bow."

Just a thought, instead of describing the contents of the room, give the job to Bailey.

[KAOlmsted]

Paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 11-12)

11) There needs to be some action or some inner thought before the line "Bailey said, “Okay let me start by interviewing Miss St. Clair.”" These men are standing in the doorway of a child's room that should be filled with laughter and joy, but instead it is unaturally quiet, with that eerie light show going on all around them. Maybe use Bailey's regret at never having had a child of his own to really move this paragraph to a whole new emotional level. And then have him shake his thoughts loose and get down to business. "I'll need to speak with Miss St. Clair."

12) Let's try this from Bailey's point of view instead of straight narration. "Langdon nodded curtly and spun on his heel. He led Bailey back down the stairs and, even if Langdon wasn't walking at a brisk pace, even if Bailey wasn't trying to keep up, Bailey would not have even noticed the fine art on the walls; his mind was elsewhere now, having seen that sad empty room. A child was missing. Langdon's child. And the man didn't want to get the police involved, hadn't even told his wife." You get the idea. And then start a new paragraph, from Bailey's POV of course, to describe the study. "At the end of a lengthy corridor, Langdon opened a set of double doors and gestured Bailey inside. "My study," he said nobly, stepping inside and making a beeline for his desk." Maybe say something about 'this is the true king of the castle' or have Bailey make an observation about how men seem to find comfort behind their big desks, like seeking refuge.

(paragraph 12 continued...)

[KAOlmsted]

Paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 7-10)

7) This is where I think you could really play around with building suspense. First, have "Bailey agreed..." start a new paragraph. Instead of coming right out and telling us the staircase is large and grand, describe the way the tiles sound under their feet, the only sound in the too-big house, and give Bailey some awe here, but don't make it obvious to Langdon he is gawking at the opulance of the place. Describe Langdon as taking his steps efficiently; he's been up and down this staircase thousands of times. The richness of the home is something he is used to, where as Bailey is having a hard time not lingering at the paintings. Begin a new paragraph with "Bailey stood..." and here you might let a bit of the astoundedness show. Maybe have him look at Langdon, and have Langdon smirk a little, like he knows what money can buy, before he slides the mask of grief back over his face. Adds a bit of intrigue, like what's this guy's story. Just a quick note about the baby's room: I think if the Langdon's have cash to spend on a top-notch decorator, said decorator is not going to use Christmas lights in his/her design. Seems a bit...cheap. I have Christmas lights as a night light in my bathroom. Maybe research other lights?

8) To add mystery, everyone is a suspect at this point, right? Have Bailey wonder if Langdon is a doting father rather than easily imagine he is. The rest is good.

9) Please please please do not have Bailey say "This is the coolest room I've ever seen." He is a man in his 50s, he used to be a cop, he is a professional. If he is going to comment at all, give him dialogue that is believable. But if you played it well back in the paragraph where you describe the room, that look between the men should say it all and this exchange should be cut.

oops...been forgetting to say "xxoo -kimmer" Consider it implied :-D

[KAOlmsted]

Paragraph by paragraph review (continued with 3-6)

3) "They pulled up at a gated drive in Ladue." should start a new paragraph. Is 7-8 bedrooms impressive? I had 6 in the house I lived in in WA, and it wasn't a mansion. Maybe have Bailey marvel at the grounds, or the design of the manse to demonstrate the occupants' affluence. Thinking about the amount of ransom is good, well done. But I would prefer "white trash" to the Beverly Hillbillies reference. Just me, though.

4) Too many doors. Try: "As they approached the house, the door opened from the inside by a man who appeared to be in his fifties, with short-cropped salt and pepper hair." New sentence: "He was very distinguished looking and gracious to a fault." And Bailey didn't know people still owned butlers because they don't; they employ butlers :-p And I think Bailey probably did know people still employ butlers, but perhaps this is the first time he has ever seen one. "Not too many butlers in Oakville." Start a new paragraph with Langdon's dialogue.

5) I might lose the "to meet you" and just go with "It is a pleasure, sir."

6) There is nothing about this paragraph I like, particularly because Bailey has no way of knowing any of it. Also, if you say Alexander is the king-of-the-castle it doesn't sit well that in the next paragraph Langdon dismisses him with a glance. It is incongruous. If you want Langdon to explain Alexander's duties to Bailey later on, I'd have Langdon say "He thinks he's the king of the castle," in a way that lets us know he is not--at least not in Langdon's eyes.

[KAOlmsted]

Paragraph by paragraph review (starting 1-3)

1) It's a good paragraph but I'm wondering something. Bailey used to be a cop; presumably he knows how things are done. Why didn't he tell Langdon to leave the note where it was found, to not touch anything, he'd be there as quick as he could--like that? I wonder why Bailey had Langdon drive to his office--unless he wanted him to see his poster collection *wink*

2) “She’s been with us since the delivery," and then put something in Langdon's tone that Bailey hears but maybe can't quite put his finger on. (All throughout Bailey's chapters I'd suggest putting things in his perspective.) Then have Langdon continue with "She came with excellent references.” But maybe have him say it a bit stiffly. Start a new paragraph with the action sequence but have Bailey follow Langdon out. An ex-cop wouldn't turn his back on a complete stranger.

3) I'm not wild about this paragraph and here's why: Bailey is distraught by his wife's death, even now, as established earlier, and I don't see him spending his wife's life insurance money on something so flashy. And wouldn't a P.I. want to maintain as low a profile as possible? Especially if car surveillance is part of his job. Maybe give Bailey an unassuming vehicle but let us know he can afford something newer, there's plenty left over after setting up his office out of his 401k, and certainly the life insurance would cover the expense but Bailey can't bring himself to spend the money. There is something obscene in profiting from his wife's death. I would like him better if he drove a 5 year old Toyota.

(paragraph 3 to be continued...)