Cilantro

a short story about humanity

And so it fell out that at Milton the power and might of those with the proper genetics met in bloody conflict with those flawed beings.  What started as a very small pogrom exploded and transformed into the greatest change of humanity.  Slaughtering thousands started easy enough.  The basic tension just needs one little reason to explode.  Ending it was just as easy, enough of the right people died.  

For decades, centuries, or possibly millennia people have tasted differently.  Now seemingly ancient schools taught children their tongues sensed only four tastes.  These combined in near infinite possibilities to create the joys of eating.  Everyone tasted the same, or so the cannibals said, but each person experienced tasting food the same way.  Personal preferences didn’t matter, that was just a matter of taste. People still remained the same.  Almost.  People began to get over superficial differences.  Skin color, eye color, hair color, and height, these were just petty little distinctions that meant nothing.  People still breathed the same, walked the same, loved the same; people were fundamentally the same.  There was no real reason for anyone to hate anyone else simply for who they were.  No reason until the little gene was found.

OR6A2.  That was the designation.  That gene encodes the olfactory receptor protein 6A2.  The olfactory receptors interact with odor molecules that enter the nose initiating the neural response that triggers what is commonly known as smell.  In the end it turns out that it was smell and not taste that kicked off what could loosely be described as genocide.  Variants in the OR6A2 gene led to variations in how peoples tasted food, and one food in particular, cilantro.  

Now with ‘taste’ actually being mostly smell this shouldn’t be too much of a surprise to people.  What was a surprise is that so many people had the same reaction to one particular ingredient.  Through exhaustive study and genetic research it turned out that half the human population liked, or at least could like, the ‘taste’ of cilantro.  The other half of humanity genetically could not abide the herb.  For slightly less than half of the population of Earth cilantro tasted like soapy dish water.  It was off-putting and eventually nauseating.  Cilantro laced food just could not be eaten.  

At first this remained just a quaint anomaly, a light topic for dinner conversation.  But the bored population of the fat, food loving, advanced societies had too much time to let it remain that way.  How could there be people not able to appreciate cilantro?  Did they lie to humanity about appreciating the delicacy of Himalayan rock salt, also?  What else were they not telling?  And to have this deficiency stem from the very fabric of their being, well, what did that imply?  Were the cilantrophobes even human?

The whispering grew louder over the years and scientific papers were published establishing the genetic differences between cilantrophobes and normal humans.  Conferences were held.  Then governments met in Geneva, New York, Los Angeles, Paris, London, where ever expensive restaurants were found for ministers to eat cilantro laden food to discuss the issue.  Hong Kong, Tokyo, and Sydney chimed in as well, each with their star bejeweled establishments.  The consensus of science determined that there was two sentient species of humanoids on Earth.  The cilantrophobes had hid under humanity’s nose for millennia but were now discovered.  If you could not eat cilantro, you were not human.  That was the edict from world governments.  The majority of scientists agreed, so it had to be true.  And the world accepted the new fact.  

Deniers of the scientific basis for the new species, homo osor coriandrum sativum, better known as anticors, were denied publication in scientific journals.  There was no point.  The majority of the finest minds had figured out the truth.  These people were just different.  They were not even people.  They were something else.  There was no denying it.  Science was not open for debate.  Life would settle back down into a new normal, and then move on.  Life returned to what it was before the discovery, for the most part.  A human could not identify an anticor by looking at them, talking with them, or even sleeping with them.  Anticors could only be identified by how they ate.  So human grew more observant about how those people dined, and shopped.  

It may be obvious once mentioned but being a cilantro farmer became extremely lucrative.  Every god-fearing human had to have bushels of the stuff.  Cilantro was added to everything.  Some chefs stated it was simply a culinary adventure, or others that it was a reaction to the demands of customers.  Very few restauranteurs admitted changes to menus aimed at ensuring anticors were not welcome.  The herb more commonly found in Latin or Southeast Asian cuisine graced Irish, British, French, and Italian dishes without anyone thinking twice about it.  It just happened, often without alerting the public.  

The new Italian restaurant that opened in the city of Milton did not put on their menu that every dish from appetizer to dessert on their menu contained a hefty dose of cilantro.  Opening night an unwitting anticor took his seat at table.  It was later said that, of course he would, those people didn’t know any better, and, imagine him trying to dine with humans; those people just have no respect.  The appetizer was small, and therefore tolerable.  The entree, a wonderful chicken piccata with shallots, capers, lemon, and white wine all adorned with cilantro, just could not be stomached by one of those anticors.  

“Excuse me, waiter, could you send this back?” the anticor asked pointing to the very delicious looking plate of chicken piccata. 

“Is there a problem, sir?”

“Um, I’m not sure.  It just tastes off.”  At this other patrons turned to look at the impudent ‘man’.

“It’s all fresh, sir.  How does it taste ‘off’?”

“Just like the chicken is not right.  Please, I would like to try something else.”

“Not right?  As in tastes like dish-soap?”  With this a look from the waiter caught the attention of the manager who came to the table.

“Is there a problem, sir?”

“This gentleman was just explaining that his dinner tastes off, and he would like to try something else.”

“Yes, that’s right.  I don’t mean to cause any trouble.  I think I would like the steak au poivre.”  The poor man apologized. 

The waiter looked to the manager, who said, “All the dishes have cilantro in them, sir.”  The last word emphasized to the point of being sarcastic.

“Um… That’s not a problem.  Could I just get it grilled, no sauce.  I like the pure taste of the beef.”

“No, sir.  We cannot alter the menu.  I am afraid it has to come as described on the menu.”

“But I am just asking you to not do something.  It really isn’t that much.”

“No.  You have to have the cilantro.  Or I invite you to dine elsewhere.”

“You have got to be kidding?!  You are asking me to leave?  Because I did not like the taste of your food?”  By now the other customers were staring or looking away in embarrassment.  

The waiter leaned over to take the man under his right arm and lift him out of his chair.  “What are you doing?  Take your hands off me!”

“We serve people here, not your kind!”

“What are you talking about?  Your kind?  I’m as human as you.”

“This is a respectable place.  We do not need anticors dirtying this restaurant.  You are to leave now.”  The head chef came out from behind the counter of the open kitchen carrying  a large knife.  Too busy arguing with the manager and waiter the man did not notice.

“How dare you?  I have never …”  The man did not get the chance to finish the sentence.  The head chef, who designed the menu, stabbed him in the left kidney.  The man died before his head hit the floor after bouncing off the table.  The man’s date screamed and ran to the far side of the room.

“I had no idea he was one of those.  I’m human.  Look, I ate my food.  It tasted great.” She said loudly enough for all to see.  She was horrified to be seen in public with ‘one of those’ more than watching him be murdered before her.

The chef went back to the kitchen after telling the manager to call the police.  To the room the manager said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we are so sorry for this distasteful display.  We assure you this is not how we treat our human guests.  Please enjoy a round of drinks and a dessert compliments of the house.  The cilantro creme brûlée is to die for.”  A few of the ladies tittered at the joke.  

When the police arrive they took statements from the staff.  They quickly determined the person was an anticor from what the manager said.  He apparently acted like one, suspiciously.  But because the murder and assault laws referred to humans the were not sure if any crime was committed.  Dogs, cats, horses, and pigs were protected animals, but anticors were not covered by statute.  No crime was committed.  The police were nice enough to have the coroner take the body away though technically the restaurant should have done it.

Word spread.  A dirty anticor had tried to assault a decent human woman in public.  When the staff of an excellent restaurant intervened the animal flew into a rage.  They were forced to defend themselves and the woman.  It didn’t matter that this story was not the truth.  People wanted it to be the truth, and that was good enough.  

Wisely, the government did not want people killing anticors willy nilly.  There would simply be too much mess and cleanup.  And there would be the inevitable mistakes.  People would then sue for murdered loved human loved ones killed for being thought an anticor.  There needed to be a plan to solve the anticor problem.  These ‘people’ now had become a problem.

Scientists at Harvard and MIT collaborated with Yale and CalTech to develop an anticor detector.  The hand held device quickly scanned a person to determine the status of their OR6A2 gene.  Special police units nationwide were authorized to randomly scan anyone.  The Supreme Court preemptively ruled that this did not violate the fourth amendment since a person may not even know if they were scanned, and anticors were not human anyway.  It was for the good of society so humans who complained were monitored.

Of course, identifying the genetic defective was not enough.  They were 49% of the planet’s population.  They were a drain on resources and offered little to society that people now wanted.  When the anticor scanner became available commercially the defective population came under wholesale assault.  Anticors were hung from trees outside their houses as the houses burned to purify the property.  Women married to them automatically had the marriages annulled, and were then send far away to start over with new identities.  Any anticor children were taken away, for their own safety.  

Where this was all going was easy to see.  Many were very uncomfortable with it.  Too many times in human history had this happened before.  The state selected people as different and executed them.  In this case it was every state on Earth.  Many did not want to reach the obvious conclusion to events.  No one said it was wrong, as it was determined that they were a separate species.  Still, very few wanted to kill every shark or cow on Earth.  That was the analogy to not wanting to kill every anticor.  Government could not be involved, even for the good of humanity.  Philosophers saved governments from the hard choices.  The men, who collectively would win the Nobel Peace Price that year, reasoned that governments could not be tainted with the necessary sin of purging the planet of anticors.  The only way for absolution was to have every human be involved.  That way all would be equally culpable, and in that equality be rendered not guilty.  There could be no observers, or those who could try to say they didn’t know.  No, all  humanity had to be involved.  It was for the survival of the human race, after all.  The United Nations General Assembly voted unanimously in favor of the unanimous Security Council resolution directing all people to participate in the purge.

Anticor representatives were ignored.  Protests were seen as proof that something needed to be done.  With the UN resolution ratified by every legislature and parliament on Earth, the planetary civil war began.  It was not much of a war.  Anticors had been identified for years, removed from positions of power, and disarmed.  But half the planet did not die easily.  And every human man, woman, and child was required to kill at least one anticor.  Publicly.  

It all started with the need to have a ‘those people’.  Then we simply could not have ‘those people’ near us.  After a bloody ten years ‘those people’ were not near anyone.  Some places erected monuments.  The difficult task was commemorated, not the dead.  Then the squabbling began.  Cilantro farmers demanded heavy subsidies.  With no anticors left people no longer proved their humanity by eating cilantro.  The corporations that made the anticor scanners went bankrupt almost overnight.  Thousands who worked in industries related to the identification, arrest, deportation, or execution of anticors were laid off.  With the loss of productivity from half the planetary population economies shrank.  Governments did not have the revenues to help.  Politicians were blamed but after a few elections and no improvements that rallying cry died out.  

Everyone was the same.  There was no one left to blame.  Then the desire to blame burned out into a glum acceptance.  Scientists continued to study maps of the human genome, all in the interest of learning more about what made humans human.

Reviews

[A.D.]

I don't like cilantro.... this was a fun read, thanks

[M. Black]

a very entertaining read. I was drawn in by the title and then hooked right until the end. a very clever piece of writing and thoroughly enjoyable. great job!

[Doug Scibeck]

Thank you for the review. It is much appreciated.