Chapter 14

 

            I went back to the lake, finding my way a lot easier than I had found my way back.  

Bailey approached me as soon as she saw me.

            “Jaylen, where have you been?” She asked. 

            “I went back to the house for a while. Talked to Liz.” I honestly started to omit the fact that Desi was there, but then, decided against it. “Desi was there, too.” Bailey nodded.

            “Okay.” She said slowly. “Okay.” She said again. I took her hand.

            “Bailey, seriously, no worries, remember? I’m not worried about her, you’re not worried about Lacy, remember?” She nodded agreeably, but her eyes clouded over. “I promise I was just talking to Liz. Cass left her.” Bailey’s eyes grew wide. 

            “What? Why? Is she okay?” Bailey asked. “Maybe we should stay and talk to her.” I shook my head.

            “Nah. I don’t think we should. I told her I’d come by later and see her.” I said. “Let’s go on the boat trip, you’ve been looking forward to it all day.” Bailey and I walked hand-in-hand to the boat to join the others, and Jada flung herself into me, and I scooped her up. I felt eyes on us, and I saw who was looking: Desi and Lacy. Lacy couldn’t tear her eyes away from Bailey, and Desi looked to me, then to mine and Bailey’s entwined hands, and then at Jada. I could have sworn I saw a tear rise in her eye, and I couldn’t look at her any longer. 

            The boat trip was fun and carefree. Everyone relaxed, and hung out and we saw even more of the beautiful countryside. When we got back, we were all exhausted, and Ava suggested that we all rest, and come back together for dinner. Jada and Bailey instantly fell asleep, and I was up, not sleepy in the least bit. I walked down the hall to Liz’s room, and knocked on the closed door. 

            “Yeah?” She called.

            “It’s Jaylen, can I come in?” I heard her walk over and unlock the door. Then she opened it. Her eyes were still blood red and the only thing covering her flawless body were  shorts and sports bra. Her hair was down, which was unlike her, and slightly mussed, but still beautiful. She gave me a half-grin. 

            “Of course. Excuse the mess.” Liz’s clothes were everywhere. “Cass went through here getting her stuff and threw my s**t everywhere. I can only imagine what the house must look like.” I sighed, and started picking it up.

            “Want me to fold this stuff for you?” I volunteered. Liz caught my hand before I picked up another item.

            “Nah, not at all. I’ll get it. It’s not a problem. I could have done it sooner, but I hadn’t wanted to. I’m glad you came like you said you would. I wanted to talk to you.” I noticed the two empty wine bottles. 

            “Liz, you can’t drink like this. You don’t drink like this.” She nodded, and smoothed her hair back. 

            “I know. I’m just… well, I’m just fucked up, Jaylen. I love Cassidy. I do. I don’t know what to do to make her happy.”   Liz sat in a chair opposite where I sat on the bed and looked at me. 

            “I think you do. You know she wants to get married. You know she wants to marry you. So, why don’t you?” I asked her. She smirked.

            “Why is it such a big f*****g deal? I mean, seriously, Jaylen, why are you marrying Bailey?” 

            “Why does this always come back to me and Bailey, Liz?” I asked, exasperated. “This isn’t even about me and Bailey.” 

            “It’s just weird to me. Bailey Price. You leave Desi and go and get engaged to Bailey. They’re complete opposites, Jay. I’m just perplexed.” Liz said. I shook my head. 

            “Okay, so, what?” 

            “It’s just that I really thought you and Des would end up back together. That girl, she doesn’t deserve you, but she really f*****g loves you. You made her better.” I took a deep breath. 

            “I really don’t want-“

            “Don’t want to talk about this, I know, I know.” Liz’s grin was shrewd. “Oh well, Jaylen. I’m the one in pain and you’re on my time. We’re talking. Get over it.” 

            “Fine. Fine, Elizabeth.” I snapped. “I’m marrying Bailey because I love her. Desiree and I didn’t get back together because she was f*****g a man for a year.” I felt my face flushing; I was angry, still angry with Desi after all this time. “She lived with him in our apartment, Liz, d****t. Like I never f*****g existed!” Liz eyed me deliberately, taking it all in. 

            “So, that was you that day? You went over there, and sat in the car and watched her?” Liz asked after a long pause. I sucked in a breath. 

            “Ho-how-how did you know about that?” I stuttered, asking a question that I already knew the answer to. Liz relaxed into the chair further.

            “Come on, Jay, you know you freaked her out, and she called me. She was so worried about you. She must have called everyone trying to get in touch with you to see if you were okay. I don’t condone Desi’s behavior, I really don’t. I think she got scared. She started to see the forever in that forever type s**t y’all had going, and it freaked her out. So, she started behaving in a very destructive manner, and she was successful: she destroyed y’all’s relationship. But after spending time away, being with someone else that wasn’t you, she realized that she made the biggest mistake of her life. She cried to me almost every day about it. I cried about it too. I hate that she hurts like she does. I hate that she destroys things and expects people to come back and still want to fix them, fix her.” I felt tears burning in my eyes.

            “Do you know how it felt to forgive her those little indiscretions, every single time: the texts and e-mails, the whispers about her dating this girl, dating that girl, all that? I wanted to stop loving her but I couldn’t.” My voice cracked. “I still loved her. I always forgave her. But to have Bailey tell me that she was dating a guy, and had been for a year? How was I supposed to forgive that? They were in a relationship! And then she didn’t even try to come find me, come after me, to even ask me to forgive her. She just moved him in with her. Moved him into our apartment.” I cried openly now. “So, I did what I did with you. I know if she ever found out she could never forgive me, never want me again. I never told her because of you and Cass. But the knowledge, the thought alone is enough to make me stay away. I’m no better than her.” Liz watched me still. 

            “So, you still love her, then? You’re still in love with her, but you’re marrying Bailey?” I began to sob, I couldn’t answer that. “Why don’t you ever address those feelings, Jaylen? I mean, seriously, you’re going to be sitting there, with Bailey, making her miserable because you’re miserable because you’re still with Bailey and she isn’t and never will be Desi.” 

            “No!” I said through gritted teeth.  “I won’t do this with you. I won’t make Bailey miserable because I love her; I love her just as much as I ever loved Desi.” Liz sat forward with her elbows on her knees. “And she loves me, more than Desi ever did.” 

            “So, that’s what this is about, then. Her loving you more. Not you loving her more, because you don’t.” I stood up and turned to walk out of the room. In seconds, Liz was on me, grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back on the bed. She walked to the bedroom door and locked it. “We’re finishing this today, Jaylen.” I wiped my face gingerly. 

            “So, since we’re talking on this real s**t, Elizabeth, why won’t you marry Cass? Why does she think it has anything to do with me?” Pain flashed across her features, but her eyes remained strong and hard as they looked at me with that trademark aloofness of hers. 

“I don’t know,” she started. “Okay. That’s not true. I do know. After all the crazy stuff, Jaylen, I thought I was in love with you. I mean, I’ve always loved you, and I have always held you in a very high regard. You took care of Des, I mean, really good care of her. You motivated her, you made her better. Without you, Des wouldn’t have half the s**t she has. She wouldn’t care about things. I’ve known Desi since we were little. I couldn’t reach her, nobody could. She was just on a path of destruction.” I nodded. I knew of Desi’s wild past. 

Desi’s relationship with her mother was horrible, and in response, Desi acted out in school, being suspended and then finally expelled, until finally, Desi’s mom, took her to visit her great-aunt and never came back for her. The aunt took Desi in and nurtured her, and finally, Desi found some security, calling her Aunt Mary her mother. Aunt Mary died six years later, when Desi was only 13. She had been the last surviving member of Desi’s family. The aunt’s best friend took Desi in and took care of her, but Desi went wild. She started doing drugs, drinking, and struggling with her mother abandoning her and her attraction to women. In order to prove to herself that she wasn’t a lesbian, she started having casual sex with different boys, and got pregnant, having an abortion at 14. 

Although she was quite intelligent, her behavior led to her being expelled from several prestigious private schools. She met Elizabeth Stewart at Westbury Christian. Liz tried to reach Desi, but as the many before her, was unsuccessful.  Westbury Christian was where Desi finished, although suspended many times and threatened with expulsion; Liz managed to help her through. As soon as she graduated high school, she ran away, but kept in touch with Liz. Desi came back to Houston at 18, only to go straight to Aunt Mary’s lawyers and receive the trust fund that her aunt had left for her. She and Liz got an apartment together, and Desi tried going to school, but didn’t get her degree. She’d returned to Houston accepting that she was a lesbian, and dated mercilessly, leaving broken hearts strewn all throughout the Houston lesbian scene in her wake. Liz often asked why she wouldn’t settle down with this girlfriend or that girlfriend, and Desi’s token answer was that if she didn’t stay with them, they could never leave her.  Then, I came along, and try as she might to push me away, I wouldn’t leave. I couldn’t leave. Not until I had to leave, when she made it impossible for me to stay.  Soon after we met, we began spending every moment together, and she finished school, and got a masters’ degree. She began to take life and the things in it a little more seriously. She often talked about marrying me, wanting to adopt Jada. A perfect little family.

“I do love you, Jaylen, but I’m not in love with you. I think I love you so much for everything you did for her.” 

“I think she loves me for those same reasons. She doesn’t need me anymore.” I sniffled. “I can’t stay, Liz, I have to go.” 

“She’s scared you’ll leave her if she tells you how she really feels.” Liz said to my back. “I’m not going to chase you down, Jay, I want you to want to stay and talk to me.” Liz’s voice calmed me, and I sank back onto the bed and looked at her. “I love Cass, Jay, I really do. Despite what happened between me and you. That was the only time, you know, the only time I ever cheated on her, in all these years.” Liz’s eyes welled up. “I just don’t know if it’s the type of love that makes me need to be with her and no one else. I just haven’t done anything else because I never wanted to. I wanted to with you.” I wanted to. She had said that after we’d had sex. She had wanted to. “What if I marry her and I find that I want to with someone else?” 

“Liz, for you to be as smart as you are, that was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” I laughed through my tears and she did, too. “You’re going to want other people. It’s natural. But you’ve gotta know, you love Cass and she loves you, and being attracted to someone else isn’t going to make you jeopardize that. Look all you want, just don’t touch.” Liz laughed out loud.

“I remember when you used to tell Desi that, all the time.” I prepared myself for the twinge, but just felt sadness. I nodded. 

“I remember it too.” I stood this time, and walked over to Liz and hugged her. “I love you, Liz. I know this will work out.” 

“I love you too. Don’t think she won’t forgive this, Jaylen. She would.” Liz whispered. “I know she would. She probably already has.” I pulled away from Liz and studied her face, but there was nothing. After a kiss on the cheek, I unlocked the door and walked out. 

Reviews

[Shellie]

The story is coming along really wondefully, I think the isolation at the log cabin between them all made an awful difference to bring in all the tension and now its being filtered away but will still be tough going till all issues are sorted, which they may never will! The drama is great, its there then its toned down then its there again. Your an expert at dialogue its so well done.

[Ruby Moon]

finally, some...in your words sh!t sorted out. i wonder what will happen next after talking about all these, will it make a difference and how :)