Chapter 5

 

            I knocked on Andre’s door hours later. I couldn’t even tell myself where I’d been, much less tell him. He opened quickly.

            “Hey. What time is it?” He asked blearily. He rubbed his eyes. He’d been asleep.

            “Almost midnight.” I answered mechanically. “Can I stay here?” He woke up a bit more.

            “Yeah, of course. What’s wrong?” If I were still attracted to men, I’d still be in love with Andre. Wearing only pajama pants, his body was still in immaculate condition. As if he was still a high school football star. Football players. I sat down quickly, and he sat next to me. “Jay. What’s wrong?” 

            “Too much. I just need rest. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Andre rolled his eyes.

            “Absolutely not. Come on, get in the bed. I’ll sleep out here.” He said. 

            “No. I insist. You were asleep. If I can borrow a t-shirt, and get a blanket, I’ll be fine.” Andre stopped arguing and went into the room, emerging with a t-shirt. I changed quickly, but he didn’t leave or even offer to leave. He watched me change, quietly. Then, he gave me a look.

            “Go get in the bed, Jay.” His voice was husky, thought-filled. I curled up on the couch quickly. 

            “I’m good right here, Dre. Seriously. Good night. Thanks.” I said dismissively. Andre was never one for arguing. He scooped me right up and almost tossed me in the bed, closing the door behind him. I gave up, I was tired of fighting. I succumbed to sleep almost immediately. 

 

            I just knew I’d sleep all day the next day, but I didn’t. I woke up at 6 that morning, frightened. What.. where the hell am I? I reached for Desi, but of course, she wasn’t there. Then, the truth came crashing down around me. The tears had rejuvenated and sprung to my eyes immediately. I checked on Jada, who was sleeping peacefully in her room, and tiptoed past Andre in the living room. I walked out of the house and got my cell phone, long since discarded in the backseat of my car. I called my boss, and told her that I’d be out indefinitely. She seemed understanding, but anyone would seem that way at 6 in the morning. I looked through the phone and saw that I had missed several phone calls from Desi, Liz, and Bailey. I wasn’t planning on calling anyone back, but for some reason, I dialed Bailey’s number back. It was early afternoon there, and she’d normally be in practice without her cell phone. She answered on the first ring. 

            “Jaylen.” She breathed. “I’ve been really worried. Where are you? Are you okay?” 

            “I’m okay.” I lied, not paying any attention to the tears sliding down my face. It was good to hear her voice. 

            “I’m coming home.” She said softly. “I’d like to see you when I come.” 

            “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, Bails. I just don’t. I am going through a lot.” 

            “Yeah, I know. Me too. I’d like to be there for you, if you don’t mind.”

            “How can you even want to, Bailey?” I cried openly now. “After what I’ve done?” 

            “Because I love you, that’s why. I do. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anyone. I’m not saying I’m coming to you, for you, anything like that. I just want to be around, be in your life. Be there for you.” I shook my head as I wiped my face clean. Here was a woman, million of miles away in another country that loved me the way I wanted to be loved, and here I am, crying over one that had been lying to me for at least a year. 

            “I’d love that.” I answered honestly. “I really would.” 

 

            I sat in the same clothes I had on the day before, about to leave Andre’s house. He had taken Jada to day care and left for work hours ago. I was headed to my house, to get our things, but then, I didn’t know what my next move was going to be. I just knew I needed to go back there – my former place of residence, I’d started calling it – and get my stuff. To get to our house from Andre’s, I passed by RiceUniversity. I looked to the football field and saw guys playing. Was that him, I’d think as I eyed each attractive, burly man walking onto the field. A horn honked. I’d come dangerously close to totaling my car trying to spot who might or might not be Mike Copeland. Desi’s boyfriend for a year. I faced forward, determined to not let my thoughts overwhelm me. I pulled up to the apartment, and thankfully, Desi’s parking spot was empty. I felt panicked as I rushed to the door, and dove inside the house. Like I was the one in the wrong. The house was still and silent, and although I’d started referring to it as my former place of residence, it never felt more like home. I caught glimpses of pictures of me and Desi and quelled the urge to not go through the whole place and shatter each one of them. The tears took over again; they had a mind of their own. I touched my favorite picture of the two of us, and held it in my hands gingerly, afraid that they too might take on a life of their own and destroy the picture. 

            “Jaylen.” Desi’s hoarse voice startled me in the cold quiet. I turned to see her and my heart broke all over again. I had so many things I wanted to say; I wanted to will the anger to spring forth, but I couldn’t. Her eyes were blood red, and she wore an oversized men’s shirt that swallowed her. I had bought it for her years before. It was ragged, but she insisted on keeping it, promising to wear it only when she missed me the most. I could smell my perfume on it, even with the distance between us. Her hair was a mess, she was a mess. “Where have you been? Why haven’t you answered my calls?” I went to speak but couldn’t find any words. “What is this?” She produced a box with a card. “It came from Bailey, Jaylen. I read it. It says that she thinks she’s falling for you. I thought you were just friends with her.” Desi’s voice cracked and tears slipped out of her eyes and onto the box, onto the card. She looked at me with a sad ferocity in her eyes. “Why are you doing this? I love you.” She walked closer to me. “I love you, Jaylen. Why?” Her voice was insistent. I backed away from her, looking down. When I looked up again, I had found my anger. 

            “Give it to me. What she sent me. Give it to me.” The card was stained with new tears and old ones. The box was a watch, an expensive watch by the look of it. I put the two items gently on the coffee table, and Desi watched in a state of shock. I smiled at her without smiling. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” 

            “What the f**k is going on, Jaylen?” Desi’s voice had an edge to it. I had to pull myself back in the room, away from her. I wanted to attack her, her and all her righteous indignation. Instead, I surprised myself by sitting in the chair, pushing through to look as regal as I possibly could, and looked down on her coldly.

            “Why don’t you tell me? Tell me what’s going on, Desi. How do you know Bailey?” The color started to drain from her face as she gathered her thoughts. 

            “What did she tell you?” She asked, sounding unsure. I sat up straighter. 

            “What do you think she told me, Desi?” My voice was even, patient. I could do this all day if she wanted. The tears had dried. I had found my anger, my own righteous indignation. 

            “I don’t know.” Desi lied. I had grown weary of being lied to. Because I loved her, it didn’t mean anything. My love meant nothing to her. It would never be enough. I rose from the chair as regally as I’d sat in it and breezed past her. I walked into our bedroom and without a glance to her, started to pack my things. 

            “What are you doing?” Desi’s voice sounded exhausted but frantic. “Jaylen, seriously. Are you leaving me for Bailey?” She sounded as if she was about to start screaming at me. 

            “Are you leaving me for Michael, Desiree?” I was still calm. Desi gasped. 

            “What?” Her continuing to deny it infuriated me. 

            “Desi. Get-the-f**k-away-from-me!” I yelled at her. She was on one side of the bed, I was on the other, closest to the closet. “GET OUT OF HERE. You just keep lying and I’m sick of this, get the f**k out of here.” I started picking up things and throwing them in her direction. “You liar, you lying B***H.” I had never called Desi out of her name in all the time we’d been together. Her eyes widened. 

            “Baby, please.” I threw the picture of us at her, which hit the wall and promptly shattered. “Jay…” I grabbed the phone and dialed the first number that popped into my head.

            “Stewart Holdings.” The receptionist at the company Liz’s family owned was perky as always.

            “I need to speak with Elizabeth Stewart.” I had a growl in my voice. Normally she’d say, ‘my pleasure’, and transfer the call. Not today. 

            “This is Liz.” She answered.  It sounded like she was mobile. 

            “You need to come over here and get your friend.” I said. 

            “Jaylen?” She asked. 

            “I’m trying to pack my s**t and leave, Liz. She won’t leave me alone. Here, talk to her.” I threw the cordless phone on the bed toward Desi. Desi scooped it up. I could hear Liz yelling, and Desi was crying. 

            “Okay.” She finally said after several minutes of Liz speaking, uninterrupted. She walked out of the room with the phone still in her hand. I continued to pack.

            In what seemed like mere seconds, Liz arrived. I glanced out at her without being noticed. She was dressed like she would dress for the office; a purple button down shirt, black slacks, and loafers. Every piece of her clothing always fit her in the most pristine way, showing off her athletic frame. Her jewelry was silver; the bracelet, necklace, earrings, all coordinated. Her hair was neatly combed back in her trademark ponytail. I couldn’t look at the ponytail without thinking of the events from yesterday afternoon. I walked back in the bedroom and heard her talking to Desi in a strong voice, then comforting her and I felt immediately jealous. She was just comforting me. How could she comfort her after what she did to me? Because Liz has always been Desi’s friend, Jaylen. I finished with my clothes and dragged the three huge duffle bags toward the door. I crossed the hall to Jada’s room and started to methodically pack her things. We’d have to come back for a lot of it, but I wanted to take as much as I could. I was putting Jada’s favorite toys in a bag when I heard the click of the door behind me closing. I heard the lock latch. 

            “Jay.” I thought it would be Desi, but it was Liz. I turned around to face her and was immediately and completely struck by how gorgeous she was. I didn’t need to be close to her, not feeling like this, not looking at her in a totally different light, not in a room with a locked door. Liz approached me cautiously as well, like she was thinking exactly the same things. “Can we talk?” She asked. I laughed. 

            “Are you kidding?” I asked her. “What is there to talk about?” Liz sighed.

            “Where are you going, Jay? Seriously. Where are you going?”

            “I don’t know!” I snapped suddenly at Liz. “If I knew, why would I tell you? You’d just tell her. You’re worried about her. She’s your friend, not me.” I hissed at her. Liz grabbed me, and this time it wasn’t gentle or endearing. She grabbed me roughly and sat me down on Jada’s bed. She held my shoulders and forced me to look into those exquisitely milk chocolate eyes of hers. Liz’s jaw was tight. She was pissed. 

            “Jaylen. You’re going to have to stop this right now. It’s counterproductive. Of course I love you and I care about you. You are my friend. Desi is too. She fucked up. Jay, she loves you. She does. She needs to work this out. You need to work it out together. I know you love her.” With all my might, I tried to pull away from Liz’s grasp, but I couldn’t. I was forced to talk. I didn’t want to.

            “Let me go.” I demanded. She knew she didn’t have to, but she did anyway. I snatched away from her and gathered the bags that I’d packed. This time, she didn’t stop me. I threw the bags down the stairs, one by one. And when I was done, I didn’t look back to see Desi’s teary eyes. I heard her sobbing, calling my name, but it sounded like she was continents away. I wouldn’t look back at Liz. When I closed the door, I closed it on both of them. I walked down the stairs and out of their lives. 

*****

 

           

Reviews

[D1218]

This is a great story & You're a great writer


Crap I just realized I'm a year late :( darnskies.

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

AAAARRRRGGG!!! I'm trying not to comment on Jaylen until the end, but she is so hypocritical!!! She was cheating on Desi for 6 months with Bailey and even though physically they haven't done anything yet, but in their own way, they have been coordinating a relationship! And then for her to sleep with Desi's best friend is wrong as well, so her anger isn't justified. I think the news of Desi's relationship with the guy gave her reason to look like the victim and with a bonus, move on with Bailey.