Chapter 4

 

            “Hey, have you seen Desi lately?” It was the first time in over six months that Desi’s name had even come up. Bailey and I had fallen into a regular routine of talking daily, and I was trying to steer our relationship to be more of a friendship than anything else. I’d fallen in love with my girlfriend all over again. I shrugged, although I knew Bailey couldn’t see it.

            “Why do you ask?” I still hadn’t told her. So, if I really wanted the friendship, why hadn’t I told her? I didn’t know. I knew I had to tell her. “Bails. I need to tell you something.” There was no time like the present. Bailey sucked in a deep breath. 

            “It sounds serious.” She said. 

            “It is.” I confirmed. I heard her walking away from Robyn, who was cackling with someone there, and halfway participating in our conversation like she normally did. I heard her door close. 

            “What’s up, Jay?” 

            “I haven’t been honest with you.” I started. “I am in a relationship.” It sounded as if I knocked the wind of Bailey. 

            “Are you serious?” She asked after an awkward pause. Then she sighed. “I guess, I should have asked. I mean, I just never thought to ask, I just assumed… what made you tell me now?” 

            “Because I should. I have been meaning to, but… I like you. I didn’t want you to be upset.” There was nothing from Bailey, so I continued. “Besides, you asked about her. Desi. She’s my girlfriend. We live together.” The words just started to spill out of me. 

            “You and Jada live with Desi?” Bailey gasped. “Desi? The one I saw you with when we met.” 

            “Yes.” I said. “She’s my girlfriend.” 

            “Is that right?” Bailey’s voice had a bit of an edge to it. 

            “Yes.” I responded slowly. 

            “Didn’t you ever wonder how I knew her?” My heart started and stopped in a most unfamiliar way. It was my turn to suck in a deep breath. 

            “Yeah. I kinda have wanted to ask you, it just never seemed like a good time.” I twitted joylessly. 

            “Desiree Lowe is my best friend’s girlfriend. My best GUY friend, Jaylen. Ask her about Michael Copeland. He plays football at Rice. I’ve gotta go. I sent you something. You can feel free to toss it.” She said brusquely.

            “Bailey, please don’t hang up like this.” 

            “Jaylen, I’ve been talking to you for six f*****g months and you don’t even mention that you have a girlfriend. And then you’re dating a straight girl that’s been with my best friend for damn near a year.” A year? Oh… my… God. I tried to push past that to address Bailey’s feelings.

            “Bailey, please. I’m sorry. I should have told you. I don’t…” I was walking out to my car, I could barely see, and I could no longer hold it together. I was falling into a sobbing heap.  “I don’t know what to say. I don’t want this to be over like this.” Bailey, who’d never heard me cry, much less sob, quieted. “I’m so sorry. I don’t want to lose you.” I don’t want to lose you.  Desi’s words to me. I was choked up with tears again. “Please.” 

            “Jay, I don’t know.” Her voice was much less aggressive now. She was concerned. “I don’t even know how I can deal with this. Are you okay?” I burst into wailing sobs again. 

            “No. I’m not.” I managed to say. 

            “Listen. I think we’re both upset. I just want you to calm down, Jay. You’re at work.” But I wasn’t. I was driving although I could barely see through the tears burning in my eyes. I was driving and I didn’t know where I was going. 

            “I’m not. I left.” 

            “Jaylen.” Bailey chided. “You can’t just leave.” 

            “I just did… I can’t stay. I can’t believe… are they sleeping together, Bailey?” I asked her. Bailey drew in a breath.

            “Listen, Jay, I think you need to talk to her.” Her voice had completely changed from the roughness of before. She was gentle. “I’m sorry I was upset, but Jay. I love you. I think I’m falling in love with you. And then, now, to know you’re dating Mike’s girlfriend…”

            “She isn’t MIKE’s girlfriend.” I screamed. “Mike is dating my girlfriend. We have been together for almost four years, Bailey! We f*****g live together.” I swerved in and out of traffic, still unsure as to where I was headed. I wiped my face off. “I’ve gotta calm down. I gotta call my job and tell them I had an emergency. I will call you back.” 

            “Jaylen. I’m pissed at you, I really am, but I am more worried. Where are you going, what are you doing?” 

            “Bailey, I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you.”

            “How can you call me?” She yelled. “It’s an international call. Jaylen…”

            “I’ll call back.” I said to her, my voice devoid of life. I hung up while she protested. I called my job and told them I’d had an emergency and had to leave right away. I was surprising myself that I had stopped crying, and was driving like a normal person again. I called Andre and told him to please pick up Jada, and I’d call him when I was coming to get her from him. Something about my tone of voice made him agree right away, no questions asked. I stopped the car. I was at Liz’s house. Her house always made me feel comforted, her quaint little craftsman house in the Heights, one of the oldest neighborhoods in Houston. I had somewhat prepared myself to sit there and wait for her, but for some reason, she was home, outside, checking the mail. 

            “Hey Jay.” She looked at me, bewildered. It wasn’t like me to come by unannounced, especially at a time she’d normally be at work. She peered into the car, and noted the red eyes and my frantic expression. She walked over to the driver door, cautiously it would seem, and opened it. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?” It wasn’t Liz to use familiar terms of endearment. I couldn’t say a word. I just looked at her, wide-eyed like a doe caught in the headlights. She guided me out of the car, and wrapped her arms around me. “Jaylen, it’s okay. Come inside.” Liz was an excellent caretaker. She took me to the couch, took my shoes off, and after putting my feet up, she got a blanket and covered me. She sat down right in front of me, on the floor. “Jay. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” I burst into loud, wailing sobs again that reverberated off the wood floors and throughout the room. Liz stroked my back. “Please, baby, tell me what’s wrong. I just want to help.” I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore, and the ever-patient Liz continued to stroke my back, my hair, and comfort me gently. 

            “She’s cheating on me. Mike Copeland.” I managed to choke out. Liz’s face fell.

            “Who is Mike Copeland, Jay?” 

            “Her boyfriend. Her f*****g BOYFRIEND. They’ve been together a YEAR.” I wanted to cry, but I had no more tears. “What the f**k am I supposed to do now, Liz? What do I do?” I was choked up again, but my eyes were dry. Liz studied my face closely. I studied hers, too. She was stunning. Her pretty brown eyes flashed angrily. 

            “I can’t believe it, Jay. I just can’t. How did you come across this information?” 

            “Oh, Liz! Don’t pretend you didn’t know!” I yelled, tossing the blanket off, and stalking across the room. “You know that she was cheating on me. You always know!” Liz grabbed me, and in her way, pulled me back to her. But this time, it was different. It seemed different. There were too many emotions in the room, in that pull, in me being close to her. She turned me around to face her. 

            “Jaylen, I swear to God, I didn’t know about this. You’ve got to believe me.” I yanked my hand away from hers. 

            “I don’t believe you, Liz. I just don’t. How can you pretend to be my friend and keep these things from me? Let me get hurt like this! How can you call yourself my friend?” I started back toward my shoes, toward the door, full of misdirected anger. Liz pulled me back forcibly, and turned me around, and in one fell swoop, I was ensconced in her arms. She even smelled comforting. I buried my face, my lips close to her collarbone. She looked down at me and I took in the intricacies of her face, her emotions, and just how simply striking she was. I reached up and pulled her hair down from the ponytail that it lived in and she gave me a small smirk. 

            “Jaylen.” She complained, but not really. I ran my fingers through her hair, and without a word, pulled it. “Jaylen.” This time, she said my name differently. Questioningly. I didn’t say a word. I pulled her hair again, but only to pull her face down to mine. To pull her mouth down on mine. I kissed her, and at first, it didn’t seem as if she’d kiss me back. But suddenly, her hands wove through my arms, up my back, and she pulled me closer to her. She kissed me back, hard. “Jaylen.” She was breathless the next time she said my name. “What are you doing?” I didn’t answer her. I didn’t have an answer. All I knew is I was doing what felt right to me, right then. What I needed right then. I kissed her again, and this time, I didn’t have to wait for her to kiss me back. She did it, without pause. 

 

            An hour later, and Liz and I looked at each other. I attempted to dress hurriedly, and I knew that she had to feel as awkward as I did. What the f**k, Jaylen, I thought to myself. You’re no better than Desiree. Even to think her name cause my whole body to seize up in pain. Liz watched me. 

            “Jay.” She started, but I interrupted.

            “Liz, I’m so sorry. I really am. I shouldn’t have…” My voice dropped off. “Well, you know.” She pulled me back down on the floor with her. I’d never be able to look at this rug the same again. Ever. 

            “Jaylen. I know what you’re doing. I mean, you’re hurt, you’re pissed. You reached out. I shouldn’t have.” Liz said. “But, I wanted to.” But I wanted to. Liz’s words seared into my psyche. “I know that you love her. I love her too. I don’t love how she treats you. You deserve better.” 

            “You wanted to?” I willed myself not to mention it, only to have my first words be that. “What about Cass?” My eyes were drawn to the picture of Liz and Cass in the living room. Liz sighed. 

            “I love her. You know I do. That doesn’t change how I felt. How I feel.” Liz said. I wanted to stop her, because I didn’t want anything else attached to this situation. But I couldn’t. “Look, Cassidy is my girlfriend. Desi is yours.” I harrumphed. “Jaylen, she is. Until you say otherwise.” 

            “I say otherwise.” I interrupted. 

            “Well, whatever you guys are or aren’t, there’s love there. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to… make you feel better. Make you feel like you deserve to feel. I wanted you to know that you deserve to be loved, completely and wholly.” 

            “Says the girl who just cheated on her girlfriend.” I snapped back sarcastically. Liz sighed.

            “Okay, Jay. You know what I mean. I do love you. In a much different way that I’ll ever love Cass or Desi. If anyone should feel like they’re getting the short end of the stick, it should be me, and not you. You basically just used me. To get at Desi. At least I actually wanted you.” I was putting my shoes on and my head flew around to face Liz. 

            “Get at Desi? How? I wasn’t planning on telling her. And obviously, Liz, I wanted you too. I was the one who initiated all of this.” I told her roughly, snatching my purse up. Liz observed me quietly, the wheels in her extra large brain at work. 

            “You did it out of anger, Jay. It’s cool though. Seriously.” Suddenly Liz was behind me, still shirtless, but with her sports bra and shorts on. She hugged me and enveloped me in her warmth, and I felt like I was going crazy. “I do love you, Jaylen. I’m sorry this had to happen to you.” She leant around me and kissed my cheek. “Call me if you need me.” I didn’t think I could get to my car fast enough. And once behind the wheel and driving down her street with my final destination unknown, I exhaled.  

Reviews

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Still can't stand Jaylen! I'll tell you why later as I move on to Chapter 5