Don't listen to this lady beneath me! It was perfect! I didn't even notice any vulgarity(that may be saying something to my natural love of vulgar words, but anyway), but it is soooooo beautiful D! I love your commitment to someone that may not deserve it(judging from the outside looking in), but you really understand her, which gives you solace to your decision to ride out!
"Underneath it all,
She was precociously complex
Complex simplicity
Organized chaos."
These lines set up perfectly as to how you describe her as a "walking contradiction"(aren't we all). Great piece my love, and I hope to grow up to be a poet just like you one day!!!!
WHAT vulgarity? Am I blind? I was wonderin what Bridgey was on bout. There isnt any, that I see. I love this, its very very familiar. Did u post tis in my contest maybe? I always review every poem i open except for my contests.
love the way u worded this...
She was precociously complex
Complex simplicity
Organized chaos."
Snap, snap, snap?! What was that review about? Blah, forget that, I thought it was strong, heart felt and incredibly honest. I enjoyed the word play and the flow and i look forward to reading more. ~ Nix
That was quite something... to show you love and understand ing for a friend like that is what it is all about... the depths of you feelings you went into showed so much heart... if we could for one day trade place with someone we love so they could see how we see them and vice versa it could do a lot for our self esteem plus we can get a better understanding of why they feel the way they do.
The line "So, even though she drove me F*****g crazy," was perfectly placed. It broke up the natural rythm of the poem to show how frustration can creep into a relationship yet we stay until we can't, until they learn who they are and we leave or are told to leave or because they never learn who they are. The last line is quite telling: She knew me too.How I love her so. The relationship has ended but not the love. Nicely written
I really love this poem, its simply beautiful
I especially like the lines:
' She was
Full of self-doubt.
She didn't even believe in her own
Beauty.
So very beautiful, inside and out
Beauty so real you could reach out
And touch it.
And didn't believe in her own
Talent.'
I love the language used, it fits the emotions well.
Very very nicely written. Beautiful is the only word to describe it.
Keep up the amazing work :D
Really deep write as it delves into the psych. What can I say it moves me almost to the point that it is too painful to even review. Love to see poetry that pulls on emotions.
this is amazing dear friend. i feel this way about my very best friend. well, except i dont really like her THAT way, but its still love. she is my sister and my best friend that i would never trade anything for. she is amazing and she doesnt even see it. i wish she could see this and think about me. then she would know that i love her and she needs to see the beauty inside herself the way that i do. its wonderful and well written. luv it!! keep on writing, the world will be a dull place without people that share writing with the world. ;)
Yo, this was extra dope! Off the strength of the fact that it can speak to a relationship with another or to thine own alter ego, kills it!!
"Underneath it all,She was precociously complexComplex simplicityOrganized chaos.My very ownWalking contradiction...."
First of all, your vocabulary was on time and your presentation? Listen, I don't want to be one of these ramblers who make a review longer than the piece, so...SNAPS, SNAPS, SNAPS and more SNAPS!
"Oh, I wish I could share with the world:
it was all a front."
Oh the freedom to let the front fall and be completely oneself. This is the one of the greatest freedoms of all. You captured so well here, someone who did not have that as well as your love and commitment to her.
good morning (and if i don't see you again)
good afternoon/good evening
and good night:
for all interested parties -
my name is Dana.
i'm a sagittarius, if that means anything at all to you.
.. more..