Hitler and Ghandi Together in the Afterlife

In a previous chapter, I wrote about the moment I KNEW to my complete satisfaction, that there was no physical or spiritual existence after death. With no omnipotent absolute moral authority dispensing rewards or punishments, all of us share the same after death fate. Hitler and Gandhi have been reduced to the exact same state of nothingness. There is no "Hall of Fame" or "Hall of Shame" after death, no eternal reward for good deeds, no penalty for cruel ones. Does that mean we can steal, maim and murder without Cosmic retribution or Karmic justice? You bet it does. Fortunately, the laws of Man prevent most of us from engaging in these activities. Empathy exists in most of us, independent of a belief in a higher power, and helps keep us from violating the rights of others. Am I happy that there is no chance of a pleasant state of being after I die? A few years after my revelation, I experienced what I later identified as a panic attack, a powerful surge of anxiety and feeling of doom at a time when I was contemplating death. I wasn't thinking in the abstract or superficially. I faced the terrifying, overwhelming realization of my inevitable non-existence head on and my nervous sysytem went haywire. My heart raced for hours, my thoughts controlled by the ultimate fear. My father took me to the hospital emergency room where they hooked me up to the machines. It was not a heart attack I was told and the staff didn't identify it as a panic attack but my own research later left no doubt. Even now, as I write this, I know that if I think too deeply about my own personal death, it could happen again. I WISH heaven was a real place, a place we could go after our physical death for a stress-free existence, retaining our self-identity, and mingling with family and friends. But pretending it exists won't work for me no matter how much pain the truth inflicts...