Even the sun is blue

I waited for you,

Meandered the world, the sea, and even the empty breeze.

But you were nowhere to be found, posters of a lost soul all around town.

I walked through the deserted streets, a white ghost in the stormy alley.

Searched my way through the rainforest but lost sight of the moon,

Built a sandcastle on the beach, but the waves knocked it down,

Made a wish in a tunnel, but lost my breath when the lights came on.

I lost my pearl, even when I found the treasure box I was not satisfied,

Coarse sand through my velvet fingers,

Let time slip into a haunting incubus.

It was always me, I was buried in the stories of the faded sky,

I forgot you had a soul, a broken record that can cry.

Now even the sun is blue.

Author's Note

Sometimes your just looking for hope, a sense of determination...and even if its there its not always evident. Sometimes you have to search every corner of the earth to find that it was always right withing your soul.

Reviews

[SOUL LESS]

The best thing about the poem is the last line. It's nice. Great Job.
But...you have a few basic faults;
1) Lack of flow...try saying the words in your head or aloud e.g.
"But you were nowhere to be found, posters of a lost soul all around town."

That line could definitely be improved.

2) Vocab selection; "It was always me, I was buried in the stories of the faded sky,"

The word buried doesn't go.

"I walked through the deserted streets, a white ghost in the stormy alley."
NOT walked...try wandered...give the aimless or searching impression.

And...well that's enough for one day =P

~SOUL LESS~

[trainwreck]

This was really good. I'm glad I found this in my read requests. :)
You made excellent comparisons and this was an amazingly well crafted piece. No lines seemed out of place. Excellent job.

[JanuaryDreamer♥]

This is very inspirational Good write

[Damon Favreau]

"But you were nowhere to be found, posters of a lost soul all around town.
I walked through the deserted streets, a white ghost in the stormy alley."
This part really spoke to me. I can really sense the emptiness...also
"I lost my pearl, even when I found the treasure box I was not satisfied, Coarse sand through my velvet fingers, Let time slip into a haunting incubus." is really intreguing...especially the 'haunting incubus'...you know why that connects to me I hope ;p Anyways, another great work!

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

I feel the sadness.

[Antonio Valentino]

The beginning was fantastic, but here is where it really shined.

Built a sandcastle on the beach, but the waves knocked it down,
Made a wish in a tunnel, but lost my breath when the lights came on.
I lost my pearl, even when I found the treasure box I was not satisfied,
Coarse sand through my velvet fingers,
Let time slip into a haunting incubus.
It was always me, I was buried in the stories of the faded sky,
I forgot you had a soul, a broken record that can cry.
Now even the sun is blue.


You're a pretty amazing writer you know that. I hope you keep it up. You're voice is fresh, and crisp, and just plain promising with new light.

fan, fan, tastic.

[Stammers]

I love this. It just works, don't alter a thing.

[Calypso]

Beautifully written. I say that truthfully. I say your bio and I was surprised that you're 17. I could have never written something so great when I was 17!

[Sarah McConnaughey]

Wow! I love the wording you chose for it; it's simply beautiful and you can feel the emotion in it! My favorite part was the ending: "Now even the sun is blue." Amazing. :) Thank you for sharing.

[OT]

oh I love this one!! brilliantly written - the descriptions are great - this line - "I was buried in the stories of the faded sky" - I wish I had thought of! brilliant! great poetry here!