Muddy stars

I am going through stuff at the moment, so i guess it may emerge in my poetry.

Distant kites swim in the silky sky.

Bottles of messages wash away in the tidal waves.

Autum leaves fall away, leaving a frozen oak tree in place.

The house we once tendered, and built with our very own hands,

Turns into melancholy dust,

And drifts away in the aching wind.

We watch, hand in hand,

As our planet of dreams flies away like a free bird.

Torn pictures, broken branches, and muddy stars.

The things we hold most dear always fade away,

Turn into something shattered and sail away.

Monsoons into hurricanes and love into hate,

We are all broken, that is our fate.

Into the moon we gaze with solemn faces,

Hoping that someone will put our dreams in a jar,

Keep them safe even if we are scarred,

But we are too hopeless,

Even the heavens don’t cry a storm for our hearts.

 

 

Author's Note

Please review, and i love advice!

Reviews

[Misery]

All too hopeless amidst a sea of people passing by, but this is a touching thing to find.
I hope whatever jar you might find could keep you warm till the storm passes

[JanuaryDreamer♥]

This is beautiful An excellent piece

[Emily B]

I think it will grow up to be something special one of these days. So much potential in this piece of work.

[Stammers]

I like that you build through a poem with segmented images, and the idea of 'muddy stars', this is well expressed... as for advice, maybe read what you wouldn't write yourself - different styles. You might find they push yours on more (they do all seem very relatable, which is good, most of the time)

PROFOUND... NO DOUBT,but you need to read more often.

[Sarah McConnaughey]

This beautiful, strong, and very powerful. The detail is amazing; I really liked it a lot. Well done. :)

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

'We are all broken...' is a powerful and true thought. Your poem is full of captivating imagery. A beautiful piece. I love the thought of keeping safe our dreams. A beautiful and thought provoking dreamlike piece.

[Midnight_Mystery]

loved this! very nice write :)

[Chelsea]

That review below me, really bugged me, sorry. Just had to say that. It was a great poem! I cannot emphasize that enough. How on earth do you write like this?
The flow and everything just fell perfectly. Amazing!

[Michael.]

When I first read I thought it said distant kitties. xD
Its good.
No complaints.