Punching Bag

Once drowning it hurts to even look.

To take a quick glance, tip my hat.

Give the rain to your nose.

i've got a parade in my bones,

Rattling like a broken wing,

You've done me many wrongs.

Micconception of this harsh perception.

The art of falling,

Of breaking free of this establishment.

F**k society and it's reality.

The sail of this ship will sink you

so deep, so quickly you'll miss the point.

You'll only see the puff of my last joint,

Of my last breath lingering inside your lungs.

Filling you up like an animal balloon.

It's about taking things down, serving the last punch.

This is me communicating.

Me telling you how I feel.

Of wallowing, of swallowing, but

Mostly me just not giving a s**t.

Simply letting go of my last hit.

 

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

Awesome poem, very intense. Honestly I loved every line of it; I love how well it adheres as a whole and delivers its spiteful message. It's really angsty, in a good way that I can relate to. Throwing random profanity into a poem can ruin it, but I'd say that this write needed it and it's tastefully done lol. The title is good too and helps to tie it all together and underscore the point that this is about someone who is fed up dealing with society and even people in general, or maybe someone in particular. I can't believe it has 15 views and no comments frankly, it deserves more attention than that. Anyways, really nice job :)

[Vesa Lee]

The phrasing here just pops in my mind...just imagining this as spoken word nearly give one chills. Solid voice. Parade in my bones indeed...

[Stammers]

i've got a parade in my bones

Nice. Some lines wouldn't be compromised under gentle revision.

i.e think you meant establishment not establishments? or 'these' if you did mean plural.

But nothing intrinsically needs to be changed. Very awesome writing.

[sentimental~ galore]

Thank you so much! Yes I meant to say establishment. Sometimes i'm in a rush when i post these. Thanks a ton however.

[Stammers]

Know the feeling. I kept switching a character's name from Phil to Paul a few weeks ago. Though, I could just blame that on bad writing not being in a rush!

[sentimental~ galore]

I just read some of your poetry and i'm in love so it's not bad writing at all. Trust me. haha.