# 632,438,209 of 349,341,627 or; BEING A BLADE OF GRASS MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY I'M SPECIAL.

A story about a very cocky blade of grass in the Andersen's lawn.

 

BEING A BLADE OF GRASS MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY I'M SPECIAL.

 

As blades of grass go, I am one healthy, fast growing, thick, deep green colored, well veined, kick-a*s blade of the stuff. Not only that; I am surrounded by nearly identical, very impressive blades of grass, each (as far as I can tell) also pretty proud of itself.

 

Pride.

 

In this reality it's not really the ego thing it sounds like on paper. Being proud is just one of the neat things about being a blade of grass. Not only that. The fact that I, along with a few billion of my close friends, together make one fine looking – and feeling – lawn! I've lost track of how many times I've actually heard ol' Harv out bragging to someone about us. That's right. I am blade number 632,438,209 (counted begin at true North, moving counterclockwise) of the Anderson lawn!

 

You seem to be not-so-impressed. That's because you're an idiot. You think that “Gee, what a dead-end job, being a blade of grass in the Anderson lawn."

 

You are sooooo off base on that one.

 

You think that just because you have opposing digits, can control fire, and have an email address, that you are better than me? Or that your life is more important? Hah! You think having a steady income, flush toilets, and 2.3 kids makes your life better than mine? More important than mine? Maybe even a richer life than mine? Think again, Moron.

 

You walk around on your bipedal appendages, killing insects with every step. “Not important” you say? How about this: You spend your lives working at errands, building structures, and trading goods – and then you throw away almost everything you labor to create after one short use. You argue and fight over everything. You don't even believe your own dreams can happen! And every one of you...Every One Of You...wants something you don't have.

 

Of what use is that life?

 

I am part of the Anderson lawn. I am looked at, and important. I dazzle and delight your senses in the Spring, exploding onto the scene to announce the end of Winter. I (Well, “we,” actually) then achieve greatness each summer, codelling your backs during naps in the sun. We tickle your feet, and clean in between your toes. I define your gardens and line your sidewalks. I make your real estate increase in value! (We know that's important to you – however it doesn't mean s**t to us). I am certain to return every year. No one has to pay me. I don't have a contract. Assuming even minimal care I'm absolutely dependable. I must point out here that the Anderson's deliver far above the required minimum care, and is superior, meaning I (We) will certainly live in splendor for many seasons.

 

Still think you're the superior being?

 

You might not want to read this part, because things that seem important to you now wont after I tell you this. Still reading? OK. Here's a little alternate reality for you. My life is nearly constant bliss. I exist in perfect peace and harmony with my surroundings. I am never lonely. I am never bothered by trivialities like lust or greed, or work or sorrow. I am one healthy, fast growing, rich-green blade of grass, and that's all I want to be. I am very good at being a blade of grass. I please virtually everyone and everything that comes in contact with me. Even if they just glance my (Our) way, I am a thing they will not forget... and I have made the world a better place.

 

Mr. Andersen went on vacation four years ago. While he was away he did not make provisions for anyone to groom his yard, and I (giggle, giggle) went to seed. Shortly after I was visited by a bee! She could fly.. oh!..and she sang with her wings! Bzzzzzzzz, bzzzzzz.. (What a day THAT was.) By the time Mr. Andersen got back I had matured a fine stalk of seeds, some of which germinated and now grow near me, others of which a beautiful – and hungry – bird, ate and carried away! My pride swells when I see my healthy, strong, very dark green offspring all around me, and I can only imagine the incredible lives of my other offspring the bird relocated! I picture them being transported through the air, and eventually being dropped on a hillside... maybe one with a view! I hope they ended up in a fine lawn like the Andersen's. I want them to be a happy as I. And I want them to be healthy, happy, beautiful, dark green, broad-faced, tall, cool blades of grass... like their dad.

 

I am blade of grass # 632,438,209 of 349,341,627 in the Andersen lawn, and I'm livin' the good life. Eat your heart out, biped.

 

 

Author's Note

Please comment, as my stories can be a little 'out there'...

Reviews

[Jason Henry]

its interesting a blade of grass has a mouth like that when i have to do is call my friend, mr fire and burn him and his buddies haha!
but its a great story, with great irony. thanx for writing. hopefully this can wake some people up lol