Your Love Life: This Weekend, Please Don't Share It with the Neighbors

Hi there, this is a story I recently published on my blog; it's about vicariously living through our neighbor's romantic escapades through the music he plays.

This weekend, please don't share your love life with the neighbors. Have some mercy. Don't be that guy. I'm writing this now because our neighbor appears to think that tonight, he's going out on a date with the woman who might be "the one." I know this because - well, read on.

By the way, I don't mean literally share your love life with the neighbors. That would be even worse. In this case, I'm talking about the soundtrack of your love life.  Our neighbor's love life can, I swear, be tracked by the music he plays. He plays it at an exceptionally high volume, and he plays it outside (on what device, I don't know, because I can't see him, although I sure can hear him).

Sometimes, his relationships are working out really well.  This is when he plays happy music, maybe something uptempo like "Happy" (he's pretty literal) or something a bit slower, like "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You."

When Your Love Life Goes Bad, We All Suffer

Inevitably, the relationship sours.  But it doesn't sour overnight; no, it generally takes at least two weeks of drama. This starts with loud arguments outside, devolves into sobbing (his and hers), and - of course! - sad songs. As Breakup Day approaches, the aural melancholy increases. There's some mathematical relationship here, an inverse relationship between the song's Sadness Quotient and the days left until Final Breakup Day. I bet I could devise an algorithm to predict exactly when she will storm off for the last time.

From Breakup to New Start: An Audio Timeline

Generally, the breakup period begins when the apology songs start; he might play "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word."

When the apologies don't work, he begins his descent into complete and utter darkness. These songs range from "Without You"(find a version with the written lyrics, so you can deepen your own depression) to "Bring Me To Life". Whether or not you find this song to be depressing is, I suppose, a matter of taste. Personally, I can't listen to anything by Evanescence without wanting to throw myself off a bridge.

Depression on Repeat

If it's a really bad breakup, he's been known to play the same song over and over and over, and then a few more times, for good measure. Sometimes, he plays it 20 times in a row, as was the case with "I Can't Make You Love Me," which is a great song, and I enjoyed hearing it the first three times.  After that, I'm pretty sure that if I still had teenage daughters at home, I would have sent one of them over there to comfort him; I was that desperate to make it stop.

How do I know it's a guy? I'm sure of it. I can give you a pretty good profile, because I've painted an entire, complete picture of him in my imagination. Here he is:

• Mid-40s
• Pretty good hair
• A professional of some sort
• Somewhat of a renaissance man, given his wide variety of musical tastes
• Perpetually optimistic
• Difficult - or, he just keeps choosing unsuitable women

This weekend, he appears ready for a date with someone that I'm guessing he just met, because he's blasting playing "Don't You Want Me" and "The Sign."

Should I Go Over There?

You may be asking yourselves why I haven't gone over there, maybe just to chat with him and brighten his day, or to confirm who he really is. There are two main reasons I haven't done this:

1. At heart, I'm a voyeur, and if he knows that I've been tracking this, he may take it inside.
2. If it turns out that he's nothing like I thought, my dreams will be shattered.

Anyway, in all seriousness, good luck (again), dude. I hope you find the woman of your dreams soon, because I'm not sure I can take another breakup.⧉

Author's Note

Hello, this is my first submission! Please let me know if you found this amusing, if it held your interest, and anything else that will help me improve my writing. Thank you!

Reviews

[Evil Duncan]

This made me smile! I liked the lighthearted style which suited the subject.

I guess this is somewhat autobiographical? I sometimes struggle to find things to write about and work through writing exercises (with varying degrees of success!) but I also try to keep my eyes and ears open for conversations, experiences, places, objects and such that I can steal from real life.

I think this is a good example of that and wonder if you could do something more with it? Perhaps it could be worked into a larger story, so you could explore the developing relationship through the change in the soundtrack of your neighbour. Or it could be filed away as a way of adding depth and colour to a character in a wider piece of work.

[Dawne Richards]

Thank you! It's completely autobiographical; I only write nonfiction, having realized a long time ago that as much as I love reading fiction, I have zero talent for writing fiction. I have thought about publishing some collecton of stories at some point in the future. Also, I'd be happy to review your work, if you'd like. Thanks again!

[Evil Duncan]

Interesting you don't think about writing fiction. My father-in-law tells stories like this, they start off being true things that have happened to him (or to a friend), but they gradually evolve as he re-tells them, he makes up details or slightly changes things to make them more entertaining (sometimes I'm not even sure he realises he is doing it!). But the point is that the line between non-fiction and fiction can sometimes be a little blurry.

I often try and use little experiences like this as springboards to start me off on something. An overheard argument in a café and I want to think about who the two people are and how they got to be arguing in this café; or a man sleeping on a late-night train and I wonder where he might be when he wakes up and what adventures he might have trying to get home.

To be fair the majority of the time I don't get anywhere, but I like to think it is still a worthwhile exercise, like flexing my imagination muscles a little!

[Evil Duncan]

And I would love for you to read something of mine if you have the time. I haven't been on this site for a while, and haven't been writing either, so I don't have much stuff on here to read I'm afraid.

But I have been thinking that I ought to make time to write a little more and be brave enough to share a little more, so I thought I'd sign in again and read a few pieces by others to get myself in the mood.

[Dawne Richards]

That's great about your father in law and how you use your imagination to do that! And yes, please be brave and I'd be happy to review, if you'd like.

[KCthelastboyscout]

From the outside I can understand the humerous points of your story. But I think I can relate to your neighbor. Music can sometimes be therapy so instead of seeing a psychiatrist you play the music that identifies what you're feeling. When I'm sad I play sad music and when I'm happy I like something up tempo. there are some songs when I'm driving that make me pull over and make me ask what the hell am I doing whether for good or bad moments in my life.Some of us are not as fortunate as you are at finding love. The longer the search the lonlier life can become.

[Dawne Richards]

Thank you for the review! I totally agree that music is therapy and I behave similarly to my neighbor, just not outside. :) And I'm sorry for the long search! Hang in there.

[Relic]

haha, This is a humorous first submission Dawne. It's a good thing he didn't play 'Stairway to heaven' after his break-up or you may have thought the worst. lol

Nicely done. :)

[Dawne Richards]

Thank you so much! And OMG Stairway to Heaven - you're right, I might have had to actually go out there and see him to make sure he's ok! Thanks again.

[Relic]

haha, you're welcome.