You Wanted My Soul

You understood me from the beginning to the end
Or at least I thought that until I looked behind
You jumped at shadows
And teased me at the wrong moments
I hadn't done anything about it, what I had turned myself into
But I had saw it inside you, the way you smiled
The darkness in your eyes said it all
It was too much for you to even stand being close to me.
You brought the cold tears of joy and frustration, telling me it was the wrong time
To make you say your prayers.
But now it is different, the way you showed me how you really worked
I know I shouldn't have gotten soft
Even though the fondness for you still raged.
I didn't want to leave you, no matter how hard I tried.
I got up every night to think about what you had told me every night.
Always seemed to be something awkward or something sweet and playfully rude,
At the same time.
You always made me a cup of tea, how I liked it.
We sat in your living room in your stiff chairs
And you talked about life and how painful it was for you.
I didn't listen even though I knew I should have,
Because I knew I was home.
You shouldn't have gambled with me,
Asking so much of me
And then throwing it away without a second thought,
Thinking that I agreed with you.
Don't try again.
You shouldn't have even gotten close to me and then pulled me in, to push me back out
Seconds later.
But I saw the darkness in your eyes
And I knew I should surrender.




But I didn't.
I knew what was right, and that involved leaving loose ends for you
To keep trying to get up again so you can chase me,
But keep on falling down.
Once you fall one last time,
you'll find what an idiot you've been
and go bother someone else who deserves it.
You can play cards with another woman
Who wants the devil as a soulmate.
You could have tried to find
A helpless creature
And have struck fear into her heart, and you would tell her to get down
With a pistol in your hand
Needing someone new or old
But I could have stopped you.
Maybe I could have not been so soft,
Even though the anger still ebbed through both of us.
I knew that I should have gone away during the first signs
In the paperback book by an expert
But I thought it was just an old wives tale.
I was never sure if it was just in my mind, and you were standing above me,
pulling the strings,
turning the dials,
Until I found that everything was right.
But I was still wrong, horribly wrong
And I wanted to fly away like a bird,
leaving the nest, out into the night.
In the ice, where I found that it could never be finished right until I had spoken up.
It was almost fair for both of us, because
I was learning a lesson
While you had won.

Author's Note

I thought this was like "Parameters" by Ani Difranco a little.
A mix between heartbreak and domestic abuse. Also grieving. It wasn't supposed to be dark but it just turned out that way. It was supposed to be sad. :( But I guess it's better dark.