After

A response to Versenator Challenge #20, Eve sitting on the shore looking out at the sea

 

After

 

After

After the world had not ended

After God had not picked up His marbles

And walked away from the blue planet

After Adam, the serpent and Eve

Had long given up the Garden,

Had been forced to fend their way

In a world of stunning sunsets,

Miraculous waterfalls

And abundance of all manner,

In a world of famine and drought,

Of wars, alliances and subterfuge,

In a world set to destroy its own life,

After the party to end all parties,

The orgy to end all orgies

After the rainbow followed the storm

After the waves broke on the shore

Like Virginia Woolf meant it to be,

After the waves begat wavelets begat sea foam,

Eve discovered the beauty of the sea,

The feel of the brine and sodden sand

Against her naked flesh,

And was one with its nature

With the whole of our blue, watery planet

Was one with the perfection of herself.

Reviews

[Nihad Dweidary]

Spellbinding notion. I do love the theme of your poem. God, I am enjoying this challenge like no other. I get to see through your eyes- and the eyes of so many Versenators- what beauty lies within each of you as you yourselves consider writing about it. What a treat!

in a world of stunning sunsets,
miraculous waterfalls
and abundance of all manner,

Yes, the words complement the senses, unearth what the heart feels, and what the mind desires when the it is all over, when a different life begins. Eve at the shore reminiscing on the failures and triumphs of man, and absolving her heart within her body at an ocean divine. Thank you for this most wonderful write.

-Nihad

[J.P. Bristow]

"like Virginia Woolf meant it to be, ---------("The Waves" the questions-echoes of Shelley)
after the waves begat wavelets begat sea foam,
Eve discovered the beauty of the sea, -------("and they shall be two in one flesh.")
the feel of the brine and sodden sand
against her naked flesh"..........Oh David where to start?....Fabulous! your allusions and crafting of myth and fact-----well you make a girl jealous! Your words surfed brilliance!

[Talon Sjostrom]

I liked the description of the nature of the world both the "good" and the "bad." I really liked the after repitition. I like repitition. The description of Eve was great, with the ocean (the world) and her connected, hence Mother Earth. Good write

[Katie B]

I liked how you connected the woman in the picture to Eve. It was a wonderful connection. As another person said the light/dark aspect of this poem is what really sold it. Nicely written

[Kai]

wow....this is quite good my dear. cant wait to hear more!

[Barry S. Maltese]

"After" I read this poem I smiled. "After" I smiled I just had to tell you just how much I enjoyed reading it. For long after I read this one - I know I will still smile from it. Nice job with this one! I ejoy the descriptions in here. Like the serene waterfals. . . ect.

[Krystal Waters]

Really a diverse and open type of poem. The repition of the word After is set and gives the poem strength. Nice timing and easy to read. I enjoyed the narrative sound to this... however I did not know who Virginia Woolf is... sorry! I guess I should find that out and the poem will have more meaning. Very up and down feeling...


Krystal

[Sarah Williams]

I like the way that this poem delves into the "light and the dark" of things...the abundance and the drought, the stunning sunsets and the famine... The religious understones, the "blue planet" references...quite a full and deep piece. I think that overall, the flow was nice, but it could have been a little sharper with some different line breaks, but still it was a fabulous read!

[K Antonacci]

The reference to Eve and the oneness with the ocean is really beautiful, this is a great piece and thank you for inviting me to read it :)
Love,
K

[Blue Bard]

I saw Eve here as well. The nakedness suggests innocence as well as sensuality. There is as much spirituality as the other and you capture that well, that longing for better days.

[Gandré]

Loved it very much how you made unity of of the woman and the ocean, yes, the planet. You felt the imagination of this photograph perfectly and also, you repeted the innocence of the photograph with the innocence of this poem. It is almost like talking about a treasure what shouldn't be touched. For me, this was an exciting poem!