Cluttered Journey

How our lives change with the lack of time and the growth of responsibilities, how marriages change with the same.

 

Cluttered Journey

 

In the clutter of my desk

typed out verse vies

with bills and billing,

the papers stacked on a sorter

or piled without reason

on the copier,

while pens, paperclips

wires, name stamps and notes

battle the laptop for primacy

on the dark cherry surface

or the little I can see of it.

 

The real estate competition

for open mental space

fans out in my mind

like a fast-paced auction

for my dwindling attention:

never meeting committees chaired,

paintings unfinished,

hospital duties  never done

and the angst of firecracker minds

inside teenagers under our roof

diminish moments of meditation.

 

Life moves ahead and me with it,

relishing the rare moments for a hug

or a quiet dinner by candlelight,

a live jazz quartet improvising

before the firelight

as my partner and I try to recall

the days of holding hands,

dancing and watching dance,

climbing mountains with our border collie

that launched our journey so quietly.

Reviews

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Isn't it funny how time just seems to disappear when life happens- Then you look back and wonder how you got there in the first place!

The phrase:

"The real estate competition
for open mental space
fans out in my mind
like a fast-paced auction"

really caught my attention because you describe it so perfectly! You have amazing talent and structure to all of your writing! I'm envious! Thank you for sharing it with me!

[Ron Cole]

Interesting reminescence! The way it is versus the way it oughta be! Nice reflection contrasting the "clank and clatter" of real life, versus the quieter, reflective and enjoyable moments that we live for! Nicely done!

[Talon Sjostrom]

I loved how the poem started "closed" at your desk and by the end you were looking at life, ending with your climbing of the mountain. A soothing end. It's raining. I like jazz and rain...

[K Antonacci]

This was quite mesmerizing. I really enjoyed it, everything flowed very well and the images are awesome. You have a gift with description, and i'll be looking forward to reading anything you send me! :)
Love,
K

[Ebby]

Love it.

Your use of the word primacy sticks a little in my reading, but this could well be that as a Brit I would use it differently. I think I personally would use 'supremacy', but I get all itchy when I give suggestions.
It's tough, this family stuff. You've got me with this one and I wish I could write better reviews, as you deserve them.
Kind regards. :)

[Otto L.n. Pipgras]

when I got to the second stanza, I looked around at my own desk, and thought to myself, "man this guy, David, has a clean desk", then I started reading it over...and was actually stirred to attention when I took in the title again and found each stanza carries it's own weight as seperate legs of the whole journey, quite effortlessly, slowing down the pace in the end into the reflective moments of the here and now. this was a very well executed design.
making time for the good things, the important things that really matter...wouldn't be nice to incorporate a stopwatch on the snooze button once in a while...enjoyed this one David. nicely done.

[Barry S. Maltese]

This was a great piece. Not only was it written well, but about a topic we writers have to deal with quite often - the ability to make time, and room, in our lives for writing. . . . and for life in general. Somehow when I was younger life was s o much less complicated. Less demands on my time. Less people who needed me. You make great inferences like how
"The real estate competition
for open mental space
fans out in my mind
like a fast-paced auction
for my dwindling attention"
Fantastic verbiage. Great imagry. Terrific job. This one goes in my favorites.

[Maria G.]

Sounds just like my desk and house for that matter i need a spring clean.
this was great i especially loved the last stanza

Life moves ahead and me with it,
relishing the rare moments for a hug
or a quiet dinner by candlelight,
a live jazz quartet improvising
before the firelight
as my partner and I try to recall
the days of holding hands,
dancing and watching dance,
climbing mountains with our border collie
that launched our journey so quietly.

the most important moments that should be treasured.
thanks for sharing this.

[C. Harter Amos]

Every working adult in a relationship should be able to relate to this; being barely able to see the desk underneath the work sorted in piles, torn in different directions mentally and physically... trying to sort out your mental space, too, and then "relishing the rare moments for a hug". I could see my office and my desk...remember trying to find enough time in any one day for everything and everyone. My favorite section is this, "a live jazz quartet improvising before the firelight as my partner and I try to recall the days..." It's a well written and very smooth piece. I liked the title "Cluttered Journey"...a peek into the everyday life journey of David Eckert...Like Kevin Connolly in his review below says, I think it's brilliant poetry. Very crystal clear and very visual. You make it seem easy to write this well, deceptionally so. Thanks for the read. - Mimi.

[Krystal Waters]

I can relate! I know the burden as well as a parent and being over-whelmed with everyday duties... the needs of others are above my own as I struggle to make it to bed at night, knowing I have more to do.

A very nice write, wonderful wording and balance. Precise and keenly tuned... Very good write.

Kristine

[T. L. O'Neal]

Life sure changes as time progresses, it stills away the peace and solitude of what we look forward to. And replaces it with all the committments and stress of trying to obtain it. A wonderful write that speaks to all adults that are trying to find that little slice of heaven in a too fast moving world. T