Exhaustion

A spoken word piece reflecting my version of living on the edge.

 

Exhaustion

 

Exhaustion is caution ignored at a peril

to bedevil my level of fogged up concentration,

consternation at forgetting, regretting

sleepless nights, all day fights

to prop toothpicks in eyelids

and keep the muddled mind moving

bobbing and grooving;

each expense of pretense

when sleep is the cauldron I’m lacking,

no chance for a sip of the brew

attacking the day as it flew

to the night, while imagination

pretends it’s all right,

as shine of my face shows grey hues,

pay my dues in the aches of my bones

and the sad undertones in my eyes,

while my soul yearns to soar to the sky.

Reviews

[Jessica Standifird]

I really like the way this piece worked as a whole.

"when sleep is the cauldron I�m lacking, "

I love that idea. "Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble...." Any time I hear cauldren I go automatically to that line. : ) I completely related to these lines:

"pay my dues in the aches of my bones
and the sad undertones in my eyes, "

I love the image of dark circles under the eyes that comes with the second line, there. Great use of the language in this piece.

[~crazy Beautiful~]

I love this piece
I feel this way every night
As a fellow insomniac
I feel your pain
The words you used to display this emotion are outstanding
A genuis
You are
:)
Kristine

[C. Harter Amos]

I liked the music and the painting and think you did a great job picking out what complimented the poem with both. The play of 'concentration' and 'consternation' side-by-side is visually and acoustically smooth and catchy. Thought you nailed the 'toothpicks holding up eyelids' angst we all suffer after not enough sleep with plenty of real enough imaging that it's no doubt you've been there. The grey hue reminded me of the trip to the hospital in "Panic". More than just good, I thought. - Mimi.

[Mishel Rosario Reyes]

nice poem,
----Mishel

[Randall Richard]

nice, real nice

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

Kevin's right, it seems like a rap-poem. It's quite enjoyable. Again I can see your large vocabulary being brought to bear. Propping toothpicks in your eyes is a most fitting metaphor for forcing yourself to stay awake when you should be sleeping, as a toothpick would be REALLY painful to put in your eyes and well... It's painful to stay up! I also liked the line where you talked about paying your dues in the aches of bones. This is so true.

Exhaustion sucks, but your picture rocks. Where did you find that? It's very fitting to the piece. You'll have to share with me how you write about things like this... Well, adios,
- Tiger

[Kevin Connolly]

A rap-type poem, David - makes a nice change. Your rhyming is exemplary, as always.

[Krystal Waters]

Wow David! I think this is one of your best. I really could relate to the poem and the sense of trying to do it all, knowing that it is impossible, yet still trying. I didn't understand why you were sad. Maybe it's the fatigue and wanting? I liked the part you had with tooth picks holding up your eye lids! lol I know that one all too well! I could also understand your meaning in wanting to do what you want to... you have so many hats you wear and I am sure that in itself can tire one out. Your kids, wife and the house... keeping it all together. Then you have your painting you love to engross yourself into and of course your writing. I hope the patient load goes down a bit and you get more time with your family and the activies you enjoy! Very nice write and down to the real issue... exhaustion!

Kristine

[Barry S. Maltese]

This poem you write here on this site is not at all contrite, in fact it's so bright. Because you get tired your talent gets hired to pick up your pen and write great again! . .. .(LoL) Nice job David. You never cease to entertain me!

[Ebby]

Such yearning in so few words.
We are so bogged down in everyday, to soar would be to sleep and dream, to escape, just for a few minutes.
I rate this highly.
Thank you for posting this for us to read.

[Gandré]

This is fantastic poem. If you are also the painter of it, what I think, it is amazing I am speechless. I would like to have him over my bed...I have acts there but not such a powerful
one...

I find it wonderful that you can write about everything. A real poet !