Admitted

Along with the poem Panic, a description of a hospital experience.

 

Admitted

The stink of artificial air

cooled and primped like Florida,

clicks and beeps of IV pumps,

crickets of the medical floor

 

Looking up from air-pumped beds,

TV mounted on cream green walls

the vantage point turned on its head

no visit for an hour and gone

 

Hospital rhythms tune the ears

to clatters, beeps, talk and cries,

doctors, nurses, worker bees,

living, dying, injured, ill

 

At night no room seems ever dark

no corridor without its hum

come check your pressure, temp, your blood

while darkened skies presage the dawn

 

A friend, a wife comes for an hour,

visitors to this foreign land

and if they’ve lived here times gone past

air and rhythm call them back

 

When tests and waiting run their course

and doctor’s heard to mouth the words

“You’re discharged home this afternoon”

you’ll freely leave but not soon free.

Reviews

[Ilene M.W. Lush]

I love this piece. Nice beat, and I know a great spoken word piece.

'cooled and primped like florida'. ha. so good. so dead on great. it has a great sound, the subtle ryhmes or is it just beats? blow me away..

At night no room seems ever dark
no corridor without its hum
come check your pressure, temp, your blood
while darkened skies presage the dawn

when i read this aloud, i have a pause at 'your blood' to maintain the beat. do you?

i love it 2x
thanks
ilene

[IMOGEAN]

I actually have spend enough time in the hospital that they feel almost like home for me. I understood this well.

Norma

[Goodbyeguilt]

Ooo hospitals.
Good description, it had such an awesome flow too.
I liked the description of the noises and things.
The visiting hours part made it incredibly vivid.
I never liked hospitals much, they terrified me when I was a little kid.

Thanks for the read,
It is incredibly well written.

GBG - Leah

[Amberly...]

very good...keep up the good work!!!!!

[Jessica Standifird]

This brought back a ton of memories.

"At night no room seems ever dark
no corridor without its hum
come check your pressure, temp, your blood
while darkened skies presage the dawn"

A hospital really is a city that never sleeps. You've got the feel down so well in this one, and it's an experience most of us can relate to, whether we were in a hospital, or a loved one.

[Tamela J. Gordon]

This was amazing. You really captured the experience of being in a hospital. It's so visually loaded and in the moment... I wonder if you wrote this while you were actually in the hospital.

[Jonathan Standifird]

Strangely buoyant in it's rhythms for the topic. Or maybe that is just the jaunty rhythm in my head. Either way, I liked the contradiction.

Jonathan

[Ebby]

There is a clear pulse beat running through the rhythm of this piece, like when it's so silent that you can hear your own heart beating in your ears.
This is very good, thank you for inviting me to read it.
Kindest regards.

[T. L. O'Neal]

A gloomy poem about a miserable place to be. Well, described and well written. T

[Cheryl J. Turner]

I can relate so much to this piece, it's just what being in hospital always feels like to me.

[Gandré]

This is like a trauma of that hospital. I can read your being paralyzed and waiting thinking what 's going to happen next. You wrote again a successful poem, the last stanza crowned it.