Genie

Okay. So this might be a little bit creepy, the dark side and all that.

 

Genie

 

Can’t believe it, conceive it this vision of me:

bottled genie with three wishes,

just scrub shine the dishes

till polished demolished

they want what they see

the gift that is me

 

Genie’s grinning with evil,

smirk-smirking with glee,

clawing his way clear of me

 

Eyes wide tear the wrappings

unravel the trappings

no October surprise,

laughter’s sparkling demise as

they want and they want,

take a shine to my spine

rub three times and its free

 

Genie’s smirking with evil,

grin-grinning in glee

plotting a path out of me

 

They ask three great wishes and smile

in confused desperation, for while

they are rubbing the lamp, rage is building

and glowing, the cooker is pressured

and vented, the steam like a genie

but searing a path cross their eyes

 

Genie’s glowing with evil,

grim-grimaced in glee

exploding away from me

 

And then they are running in fear

of this monster all bearded and kind-faced

who seemed smart, delightful

not broiling demented in search

of revenge and the color of money

and power it seemed in the end.

 

Genie’s growling with menace,

diminished in anger

and packing his bags into me

Reviews

[Ron Cole]

I think this verse has professional overtones (like your clients expecting or wanting magic from their counsellor)!? Brilliantly written, and a delightful story!

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

I think this just goes to show you, I really stink at reading poetry!!! HAHAA

[Benjamin L. Weekly]

Ok David I like it but I'm confused. I thought this was about a woman and people always asking wishes, cook, clean, etc. while rubbing her back, ok well that shows how distorted an image I can get out of a poem lol! When you talk about the bearded monster I imagine a man, since only men have beards, I mean usually, and hopefully! I like the red/blue text and your Genie theme, and how each blue text and red text goes together in message as well as color.

[Jessica Standifird]

This one was fun, but a different sort of fun than your usual style. I like that you broke from your "usual". I respect writers willing to do that. I could completely relate to the mood of the piece, as I've been somewhat cranky this week. : )

"And then they are running in fear
of this monster all bearded and kind-faced
who seemed smart, delightful
not broiling demented in search
of revenge and the color of money
and power it seemed in the end. "

I love how this stanza grabs onto the switch in mood/character and uses it to sum up the entire piece.

I really loved reading the first stanza, by the way. Strong start to the piece.

I keep going back and forth on the different colors for the stanzas, although my initial reaction was that it distracted me. I think the italics was enough to differentiate the two voices.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

this is very different for you... i enjoyed it. the rhyme scheme, as well as the flow. and interwoven italicized genie-ness.

good job

[Ashly Christen]

THE BLUE HURT MY EYES
BUT IT WAS A CUTE
PIECE
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
:D

[Poetic Lyricist]

Neatly put together baby! I love this piece! Keep doing what you do... I give u a 10 of this...

Iona Gaines
www.Poetic-Lyricist.com
...the freedom of expression

[R George]

Be careful of the alluring package I suspect. The allure of immediate gratification only reveals peril.

well done.

[Gandré]

it is such an contemporary composition, could be a song, I like your way to think! it is humorous and delightful at the same time.

[Barry S. Maltese]

Interesting composition. I like how you describe the two simultaneous views in one poem. It is a great tale of just how greed is rewarded. good job