Tempest of Thoughts

The sea rides the waves as tempers flare.

Every angle, forces act against the mind of his severity.

Who should I be? Who shouldn't I be?

Let every wind gash flames of terror upon his soul,

so it may devour his thoughts.

The clouds leak water that freeze into stones,

stomping through the dense atmosphere.

In his heart it form craters, each is a scar of hate,

and a fist knock of heartbreak.

Quietly he speaks...Who goes there?

It is thy enemy, who has come from far to bury thee.

He panics, trying to escape.

No window, corners without shadows to hide.

He feels the strangers presence, he screams...stay back.

Veins rip through his mental state,

every emotion from his heart circulate back and forth.

He faint in the deep ocean of his tears,

as lightning strikes volts of pain into his spines.

His scream was the thunder afterwards.

Author's Note

haven't been on here for a while, been busy with exams. I leave you with this poetry.
Hope you enjoy it

Reviews

[Siren]

I love the way you combine the building storm with his thoughts. Wonderful write, really. Sometimes, our vices and enemies get the best of us in the storm. But sometimes, we're lucky enough to make it through and see brighter days ahead. Great job!

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Interesting, great mix between nature and feelings, one overwhelming the other

[Lily Mae]

Your expressions are great and yet it's that last line I love the most.. very strong..in feeling..xo

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A fierce sense of belonging crashes through here, well done.

[Shy Girl]

Your thoughts are quite strong in essense. I liked this piece very much. :)

[Cathy Wattam]

I hope you are happy to receive constructive criticism?

There are some really good descriptive lines here and great storytelling but sadly, spoilt a little by the grammatical errors. I do find myself somewhat distracted by errors, which is a shame when the words are good and the poem has a nice flow. A little tidying up here would make a huge difference.