Off

Let me get something off my chest real quick.

Look at my flaws, you can take your pick.

I'll stand here quiet. Here's your free kick.

Preferably hit me right in the dick.

Take my mind and play a trick.

Say the worst words and make them stick.

Maybe even throw a rock or a brick.

Life is certainly not on an uptick.

Can you even see me through the crowd?
How many screams does it to take to be loud?

I have nothing left of which to be proud.

I think I blew up on the ninth cloud.

Once upon a time, I used to be glad.

I wasn't this sad. I wasn't this bad.

I had a real dad. Ignored every fad.

Made them all mad and felt really rad.

When I wore my heart on my sleeve,

I did so hoping that she wouldn't leave.

I never made a plan to go grieve.

I guess I was a bit naive.

When you're in love, you don't perceive

when your partner needs a silent reprieve.

And everything you two could achieve

is never something in which you believe.

Some people say my words don't make sense,

but they make sense if you're on the fence

and you've got to choose, to win or to snooze

but with either choice there's something you'll lose.

Maybe I'm a little bit crazy and hazy.

But that's alright. My life isn't a daisy.

It's not a cake walk, and so I talk

about the things at which other people balk.

But I don't really care what you say.

You can stare at me all day and scoff.

But in the end, it's my price to pay.

And so I will stay here and get it off.

Reviews

[dan]

david, the way you change up the rhyming patterns can sometimes confuse the reader and direct the reader's focus all over the map. But you do it so well and seamless that you make it work very well. The way you announce your feelings, in a way telling all to "love it or shove it!"
Very well conceived and expressed. A top notch write. 100 points. take care...dan

[Not here]

I like that phrase, love it or shove it lol. somehow I haven't heard that before. thank you dan.

[dan]

david: Poetry Magazine, Poetry.com and The Threepenny Review. Three online poetry magazines that you can submit writes to. Being published in an online magazine is a step up from WC and other poetry sharing websites. Be prepared to get rejection slips but keep trying. We need to get you published!! Being accepted by these online magazines is considered as getting PUBLISHED. From there you want to graduate to books. Good Luck!!! take care...dan

[Not here]

should i submit poems i've written on here and take them down from here, or write new ones?

[dan]

The things you've already written are quality writes. I've been telling you this for over a year. Like I said, they are picky and you should be prepared to receive rejection slips, but keep plugging...f****n' send them ALL, david. What have you got to lose? If you send 30 writes and only ONE is accepted, then that's ONE more than I've had accepted. And you'll be published in an online magazine that gets PUBLISHERS reading your work. Just do it (wearing your Nikes). take care...dan

[Not here]

that's a good point dan :) thank you so much for your encouragement. i'll start submitting and let you know asap is i get accepted

[dan]

Good luck, sir...go kick some a*s. take care...dan

[Not here]

I'll try my best. gotta get my Nikes on, as you say. Good kicking shoes.

[dan]

Just sent you a message...you already have at least one book published on Amazon/Kindle. Why am I giving you advice on how to get published when I've NEVER been? NEWS FLASH: Congratulations and continued Good Luck. take care...dan

[Not here]

my book was self-published, so it's really easy to do it. You could do it with your poems, and maybe you wouldn't sell much but every book sells some basically. It's really not a hard process. I'm sure you could do it.

[dan]

I'm just not as well stocked with talent as you are. I am proud of you, david. I am honored to think that I've known you in your (relative) infancy as a writer. Good Luck in the future. Keep RR'ing me? take care...dan

[Not here]

of course dan :) that means a lot to me. thank you. that's the best part about the internet is meeting people like you, whereas I'd never have known you otherwise and benefited from all your amazing advice. if there's anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to let me know :)

[Willard Wells]

Well, the words start you spirally down, but you stop and seem to draw a line in the sand. This is me and take it or leave it. We do have to accept who and often what we are and move on. Even if you don't fit the mold, it was just made different. Kind of walking to the beat of a different drummer. I like it. Well done.

[Not here]

thank you :) im glad you like it

[Emily]

I really liked it!
I really liked the way you started it too!
Keep it up!!

[Not here]

thank you emily :) I'm glad you enjoyed

[andrew mitchell]

A nice play on words Dante. well done!

[Not here]

thank you andrew :)

[Lexyeff]

I feel this really speaks to the genuine feeling of feeling unimportant. Your first line really drew me in. Great job! And I like how you touched base on a little bit of everything. Your feelings about being flawed as well as wearing your heart on your sleeve.

[Not here]

thank you very much :) i'm kinda scitzophrenic (i know that's wrong) when i write, just jumping around

[JayceeC]

D, this reads like an anthem rap, of this is who I am, like it or not.
Not sure who has been giving you flack lately, but your writing is good. I see in it the voice of a generation, one with a focus flight different from mine, with different experiences, but the emotions are the same. And you do a excellent job of giving them voice.
Jan

[Not here]

thank you very much Jan. I've just been in a mood lately. Stupid teenage emotions haha