Problematic Addict

I hope that I

can be your only guy.

Hold you while you cry.

Never say goodbye.

If you were ever mine,

I would make you shine.

You'e the queen of cloud nine.

Nobody can define.

If you saw what I see,

you'd understand that we

were truly meant to be.

You wouldn't disagree.

So if I fall apart,

please lend me a fresh start.

Don't leave me; don't depart.

Free my imprisoned heart.

Will you be all I need?

Please don't ever mislead.

I'm starting to lose speed.

I can't hope to succeed.

My stress is well-renowned

but still you drag me down,

shatter my only crown,

and I'm run out of town.

(y)Our problems run abound.

I'm ground into the ground.

I try not to make a sound.

Guess I'll see you around.

I believe in what we've got,

and of love we've got a lot.

But you tear me down for sure.

Can I do this anymore?

Reviews

[fattycbreezy52]

Well that's very personal but just asking a straightforward question.Have you been through a breakup or separation lately? I commented on your last piece as well. It was somewhat like this. Full of poignant moments and lamenting tone.

[Not here]

i hadn't been near the time of writing, but i've been through my fair share of breakups/heartbreak/etc. so it's a lingering memory. Dark pieces are stuff I write whenever I'm feeling particularly down. Thanks for the reviews :)

[fattycbreezy52]

Take care!:)

[Not here]

you too :))

[Riley Justine]

Stanza 3, line 3 has a grammatical error! Other than that, an amazing piece! You improve with every new piece you post!

[Not here]

oooh i best check that out. and thank you :) i appreciate it

[Corbin Driver]

I like this poem a lot! Great work!

[Not here]

thank you corbin :)

[Imperfection2aT]

Wow, this is a really powerful piece. I love the rhyme scheme you've used, and I think it adds an interesting element to your poem. There is something to be said about the story as well. You bring to light some thoughts of an addict's partner, and it is stated expertly in this poem. You've done such a great job; I can't wait to read what you come out with next.

[Not here]

thank you very much :) i appreciate it. im glad you liked this poem

[Emily]

I love it!
Such a cute poem!
Keep on writing!

[Not here]

thank you very much emily :) i apprecate it

[dan]

david, First off you start with an alliterative title. This grabs the reader's attention immediately. Then as I read I try to follow through with the addict theme and find excellent word play (and a different rhyme scheme) that talks of a relationship endangered by barriers, erected by a partner with addiction issues. When you end the piece with a plaintive, "Can I do this anymore?" you share how this situation has you at the end of your rope. david, this is one of your best! The construction of the piece is flawless, the words burst forth to shine. This goes into my library favorites, so thank you for that. take care...dan

[Not here]

thank you very much dan :) im really glad you liked it. i appreciate your indepth reviews. and i came up with the title after i wrote this, so im just glad it fit well. take care :)

[dan]

Yeah, sometimes I start with a title, but more often I wait so see what hell I wrote. Again though, great title...dan

[Not here]

thanks dan :) i appreciate it

[Crystal Overmeyer-Birmi..]

The flow was flesh and the phasing on point. i really liked the play on y(our) that was clever and meaningful. Good solid piece

[Not here]

thanks very much :) that just came to me as i wrote. i didnt know which to put so i put both. glad you liked it :)

[MissLaine]

Wow beautiful ~ Loving the rhyme and flow definately. :)

Awesome work!

[Not here]

thanks :) i really appreciate your review. glad you liked it

[MissLaine]

No problem. :) Keep it up! Nicely done!

[Not here]

i will :) take care

[Stan Lee]

"I'm ground into the ground." Sweet work Dante! :)

[Not here]

thank you very much smiley face :)

[Mara]

Great rhyme and flow,

My favourite line
'Free my imprisoned heart.'

Thank you for sharing this lovely poem!

[Not here]

thanks very much tee :) im glad you liked it.