Heartbreak's Hymn

I woke up with half of me missing,

and drank from a bottle half-gone.

If she were here, we would be kissing.

Now how will I carry on?

'Cause she's the better half of heartbreak,

and she's the girl of my dreams.

So every night I lay wide awake,

crying over internet memes

or so it seems.

But you told me you would love me
and you promised we'd be fine.
So what happened to the lovely
lies that made you only mine?
And i thought we'd last forever-
be together to the end.
But in all my years i never
dreamed you'd be less than a friend
in the end.

And I thought that I would hold you

as you cried yourself to sleep,

but instead I'm what you once knew

and he's the man you're gonna keep.

So just walk along that dark road,

and splash puddles on my face.

'Cause after all the love that I showed,

I sleep in a lonely place,

an empty space.

The sunrise doesn't affect me,

'cause I sleep with curtains drawn.

I wish I could find a way free

and life would just carry on.

But every morning I'll be waiting,

with an eye fixed on the door.

All the doubts that I'm creating

can't stop me hoping for more

of life before.

I don't like the tears. They're falling

like raindrops down my face.

But I promise I'll keep calling

and sleep in a lonely place.

You're the one I'm never losing,

and the one I'll always chase.

But every night's another bruising.

Your memory I can't erase

or ever replace.

Reviews

[Stan Lee]

Sadly I felt I could really relate to this one. It feels like we'll never get over the heartbreak and perhaps in some ways that's true but there's only one thing to do. Have a good cry then get up and keep going.
Always a fantastic poem Dante. "After all the love that I showed"..... *sighs*

[Not here]

thank you smiley face :) im really glad you liked it, but sorry that you can relate. anyways thanks so much

[zunie frost]

i really like this poetry and 1st and the last stanza was awsome .... !!!!
you are so talented ... thanks for sharing such a lovely piece of work !!!
90 points from me

[Not here]

thank you zunie :) i really appreciate your review

[zunie frost]

welcome !!!!!

[JayceeC]

Overall I really like this, but there are places where the last short line does not flow as it's read. There is something that feels short and stilted or perhaps a change in meter? It only stands out in the first and third stanzas, but feels more natural in the other three.
The opening stanza is absolutely wonderful. I love some of your descriptions "the better half or heartbreak" and I like the opening two lines just as much. Jan

[Not here]

thank you jan. ill work on the last short lines. they were something i added quickly at the end, but ill give it a look. i appreciate your review :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A sad and powerful poem for the emotion of love.
"Your memory I can't erase
or ever replace."
Above words are very true. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry my friend.
Coyote

[Not here]

thanks for reviewing coyote :) realy glad you liked it

[Coyote Poetry]

My pleasure and you are welcome.

[dan]

david, this is outstanding. I really like how you do an eight line a-b-a-b rhyme, then add another b-rhyme as the ninth line; great technique! I don't write as many rhyming pieces as I used to; I can rhyme fairly well but you have really got a gift for it, a natural talent you employ so well. I'm saving this one to my library favorites, so thank you for that! take care...dan

[Not here]

thank you dan :) and ive read a few of yours where you rhyme. they seem very good to me.

[dan]

Most rhyming I do now is internal rhymes. Allows me to maintain an abstract construction but with the added feature of the internal rhyming. Thanks for the kind words. take care...dan

[Not here]

thats a cool way to do it.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Well this one i can relate to.
i like the " So what happened to the lovely
lies that made you only mine?" lines. so damn powerful.

also, this piece reminds me of a song i love "Nothing" by 'The script'

here's the link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KMihKmoYfe8


now, back to your piece, i love the passion you wrote this one with. awesome work, getting 100 points from me.

[Not here]

yeah yeah ive heard that song. i love the script. and thanks danny :) ill read any requests u sent soon

[Dani The Unreviewed]

you're welcome :D

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Love can be hard. Well done, Dante. :) Rudi

[Not here]

thank you rudi :) im glad you liked it