Chapter One: The Beginning

“She was watching us, back then.

“I should have known it much sooner, but I guess that is my fault and not of your concern. Not recognizing it for what it was led to pain, and lots of it. Many people lost children to her; I suppose that if I went back in the history books and counted I could give you the exact number, but what use would that be? The only useful thing you can know, before I begin my story, is that she was always watching.

“For all I know, she still is.

“This whole thing started right here, in Hardy. Such a sweet little town, really, if you look at it on a map, or even if you walking through it. But that just goes to prove that any town, any person, any thing for that matter, can be haunted. Or evil. Or the source of evil. After all, if even a little town like Hardy, Indiana could be haunted, way out here away from the bright lights and drama of the big cities, then is anywhere safe?

“I’m still getting ahead of myself, though, and I apologize for that. I suppose this story doesn’t even start with me, honestly. No, the story starts a long, long time ago, way back in 1775, but you’ll learn that soon enough if you listen. The part I’m going to tell, and the part only I can tell, starts not long, back in 1995. How many years ago was that from now? Twenty, I think? Anyways, that’s when it starts, all this nasty business I’m going to tell you about.

“It started back then, with some kids; four of them, I think. Yes, there was four. The twins, first of all. Crystal and Christian Moore were their names, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen such cooperative siblings in all my fifty years of life. Sure, they had their fights, and they had their moments when, just like any teenage siblings, they bickered over who-knows-what, but altogether, I think they were fine people and even finer siblings. They both had the same dirty blonde hair, too, although Christian’s was cut real short and hers was down a little below her shoulders.

“Crystal Moore was the only girl in this particular group of kids, but she fit in just as well as the boys. She was very passionate at times, as I’ll probably point out many times in my narrative, but that’s not all. She kept those boys in line, or at least that’s my opinion, and you could never find a better friend. Nowadays, she’d probably get made fun of for being a ‘tomboy’ or something like that, but back then, in that group of friends, she meant the world to each of those boys, in different ways, of course, one of them being her brother and all. The other two were attracted to her, at least a little, and I’m not surprised; to them she was the most beautiful girl ever.

“While she was quite talented when it came to sports, especially volleyball, her brother, Christian, was about the exact opposite. He would be considered a ‘nerd’ nowadays, though whether or not that’s a good thing, I’m still not sure. Even back then, his glasses got made fun of; big, chunky things that they were, always slipping off his nose. But he was quite a smart boy, with lots of good manners and posture his momma probably taught him. I bet he went on to some great achievements in Science and Math, and I’m sure his sister is out there too, doing something great.

"As I said, Crystal was the best friend you could ever find, and Christian was the same way. It seemed as if nothing could possibly split up that group of kids until...well, you'll have to listen a bit more. I can't say yet.

“Now, for the other two. I won’t tell you as much about them; you’ll hear all of that in the story for yourself. First off, there was Brandon Gray. He was the kid who started it all, or to who it all started. Yeah, that’s a better way of putting it, because nobody would ever choose the things that happened to him and his best friend.

“Brandon was black, to put it plain and simple. Call me racist or whatnot, but that’s not my intention. His family has a strong heritage of African-American in their blood, and the determination was not lost in him. Brandon was also funny, I gotta give him that. Always quick to cause laughter and even quicker to join it, he was the life and soul of the group, keeping things from getting too dark when they altogether could have gone downhill real fast and real easy. He was never afraid to be the butt of anybody’s jokes, but away from his friends, he was a totally different character. When he was around strangers, Brandon wasn’t nearly as outgoing. He was quiet, resigned, and thoughtful. I still don’t understand him, to be honest, and I’m not certain I ever will. If I only I knew where he was at nowadays. I think it all had something to do with his family. He once told me he wanted to grow his hair out a bit, but his dad would never allow it. He said... well never mind; on to Michael.

“Michael Walker... now there’s a name I haven’t spoken in a good while. He was the youngest of the group, fourteen in the midst of fifteen year-olds, but that didn’t stop him. Maybe just a tad on the short side, he was about the same height as Brandon, although with that spiked up, shorter hair he seemed to be taller. He and Brandon had been best friends for god-knows how long. They were inseparable, and as familiar with the town as anybody could be. Even though they were different races, different ages, and in different stages of life, they both had the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. They cared about people, and protected people they cared about. It was that simple. Michael is different though; well, was different. He always had this air about him, like he was in control and knew it. It wasn’t a bad type of thing, though, because he was humble enough to relinquish control and smart enough to know when he was wrong. The thing was, he could have been in control, and I mean total, dictatorship control. But he didn’t. He didn’t beg for attention and fight for it, and he didn’t wish too much or get downtrodden too low. He didn’t fight unless necessary, and he didn’t want the whole world to belong to him. Michael was a stand-up guy, even as a teenager, and never let his emotions control him. Well, almost never.

“He always had this thing for Crystal, and I suspect she had some feelings his way too, but they could never be proven because... well, I’ll get to that part later on.

“The important thing, as I said before, is to remember that Michael was the leader, he was the man. Him and Brandon were best friends for their whole lives; I think that’s what they told me. But even Michael, as powerful as he was, and Brandon, as determined as he was, and Crystal, as hotheaded as she was, and Christian, as brilliant as he was, never understood the full story. They never quite got the gist.

“But I did, many years later. I understood, and now I understand. She watches all. She always has. As I said, my part of the story begins back in 1995, when phones still had those funky-looking antennas on them and you could still get gas for under two dollars, not that you needed to drive many places in Hardy.

“This is all started with those four kids, and I guess in some ways it ended with them too. This is the story of... the story of She. Yes, that’s the name we gave her. Improper, sure, but I’ll stick with it. Everything happened back when I was just a thirty year-old police officer and they were just four young kids surviving the last week of school… ”



Author's Note

For anyone who read the Prologue and was a bit confused, I went back and editted it quickly, trying to fix some of the confusing parts. This part has not been editted much yet, just a quick read over. Tell me what you think below :) First novel in a new genre: Mystery/Thriller/Suspense. Suggestions, corrections, and critiques are encouraged and readily listened to.

Reviews

[Mila]

Space your paragraphs and dialogue out so it doesn't look all mushed together. It's an easier read if there is space. Also, there is a space after any ellipsis (Ex: "so... Can you?").

Other than that, wonderful read! I can't wait to read on! You don't bandy words, you're very thorough with conveying your points. :) Well done!

[Not here]

thank you :) i'll definitely fix those mistakes

[Amy R]

i like your style of writing, something about it interests me into reading more.
great job, usually i don't read stories on here , but yours got me caught up a bit :)
also u can try spacing ur paragraphs so they're a bit easier to read, :)

[Not here]

ok thnks i will try tht. people have said tht

[Amy R]

glad to hear :) n ur welcome.

[Coyote Poetry]

The story is very good. I like the conversation and the situations you have create. The name of "Michael Walker". Gave strength and made the story more interesting. I liked the storyline leading to the strong ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Not here]

yeah thats probly one of my favorite names ive come up with. and actually this part is one i thought wasnt quite as good, just a lot of explaining, but im glad you liked it :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I did and you are welcome.

[Confused Canteloupe]

"...his dad would never allow it. He said...", "...but they could never be proven because..." Dude! The suspense is killing me. In a good way of course. I'm completely hooked. I love the dynamic you've created. There is just one teeny tiny thing that kind of bothers me. You have all the guys in the group listed as things like "powerful", "determined", "brilliant" and then you have the singular girl as "hot-headed". It's great that you have female representation but i feel like the way you describe her is kind of misogynistic. Not saying you meant it that way because I'm sure you didn't. Maybe if you used a word like passionate, fiery, or spirited or something like that. Maybe then it wouldn't seem like you were saying "These three excellent boys and this one over emotional girl"
But over all I'm super excited to keep reading. This is a great set up you have!

[Not here]

thanks and i enitrely agree. i will correct that asap :)

[closed]

your literary voice is really coming through as we get to this part
it makes the book start to feel kind of interactive

you should keep it going, it makes the town feel more real ya know
it's a strong aspect, and i think it'll really make the book work

[Not here]

thank you :) and i hope it turns out very good

[Willard Wells]

Content good and it flowed nicely. A little editing will help, but nothing really jumped out that was not understandable. You have presented the characters so the reader will know each as the story progresses.Thanks for sharing.

[Not here]

thank you even more for reading :)

[Stan Lee]

If I was the nervous man i'd be drumming my fingers impatiently waiting for him to get on with the story. But no doubt these detailed descriptions will be important later on.
Cant wait to hear the rest of his story.

From one-who-has-no-patience :)

[Not here]

lol :) thank you for the review from one-who-has-lots-of-awesome-readers-like-yourself (too much? oh well)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Well... I see an interesting story here. My only advise would be that you check for grammar issues, and keep writing it as you did so far. Great work. :)

[Not here]

thanks :) and i certainly will check for those when i go back through. i appreciate the review

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You're welcome :)