Someday

They say that I am super powered;

raise me high to where I'm towered;

with their praise I'm often showered...

SOMEDAY.

Time passes so quickly by me

when they raise me up so highly.

All I wish is peace entirely...

SOMEDAY.

I am "superb alliteration."

I am "the newest best sensation."

Seems like I should be on probation...

SOMEDAY.

Comments, critics, both are slowly

building me up to look holy.

I'd trade it all for the whole me...

SOMEDAY.

Comments, critics, both inspire me,

but I have an urgent, dire need.

I wish I could change the irony...

SOMEDAY.

What if I said it was all whack?

What if I wanted my life back?

What if I turned away to pack...

SOMEDAY.

If this road is just the wrong track,

if my life is under attack,

will they ever let me turn back...

SOMEDAY?

Reviews

[Moonlight]

This is a really thoughtful piece and I love how well you actually connected each thought in each stanza with the idea of someday... The last stanza is actually my personal favorite one. I loved the concept and the way you presented the idea. Great work Dante! Hope to read more from you. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Not here]

thanks for reading :) i appreciate it

[The Archon]

Its interesting how often we imagine what we could, would, or would like to be. And even more interesting what we actually become. Usually its much different than we imagined "Someday" would bring, but perhaps sprinkled with bits of our expectations. Your poem makes me reflect on these things. Very well written. I love that the the last "Someday" is a question. To me it seems that is hitting at the heart of the matter. The fact that "Someday" is always in question. Well done! Thank you!

[Not here]

no thank you :) i appreciate your review

[JayceeC]

David, This poem has more structure than most of your otber work and I particularly like that. The use of the word Someday not only sets a tone, but also breaks the rhyme pattern and lets your words soak in.
After years on poetry sites, all I can say is that the longer you are on one, the harder it is to get unbiased reviews. Mainly because your circle of friends comes to know your work, and they come back because they like it. It becomes like critiquing your favorite author. As for walking away, I'm sure you will at some point at least for a while. Very few stay at this with daily writes for years. I left for a number of years and came back to a different type of writing that I like better. I still havve friends at old sites but have added new one here. As long as you write what you feel and feel what you write, it's not a spoof.

[Not here]

thanks for the advice and the review jayceeC :)

[Confuser]

David: All those exspectations, the pressure building, who in the world am I. This poem I love, and others too. You have great observation skills, excellent insight: this poem is relateable to so many people. They could be, just thinking that voice inside, so filled with hope, dreams and aspirations, like I hope you have because you do have the talent, but chill, no worries, listen to some reggae. I read it without Someday, and with it, but I do love the addition. It flows, you fly, rhyming perfection which to me and all those spectacular emotions, placing the poem in a heightened state, such an evocative landscape. Bravo!

[Not here]

thank you very much :) and i do love reggae like no joke

[Confuser]

Me too....You're welcome...great poem! Dale

[Not here]

thanks dale :)

[Confuser]

My pleasure....

[Ilerah]

Nicely done David, I like the rhyming that you did. I also like the SOMEDAY? at the end of each verse. Good job, and well written. I enjoyed reading it.

[Not here]

thanks :) im glad u liked it

[Robert]

Well done Dante with the rhythm and the rhyme and the repetition of "Someday" standing out there after each stanza.

[Not here]

rhythm rhyme and repetition, i like those words. anyways thanks for the review :)

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

We never know if we are on the right track, that's the difficulty of it. We always have to try our very best on the road we are going. Someday we will receive the fruit of it...I hope. Very well done, Dante. :) Rudi

[Not here]

thanks rudi :)

[AaronFreitas]

I really enjoyed the thoughts and could tell this was well thought out. "Comments, critics, both inspire me,
but I have an urgent, dire need. I wish I could change the irony..." Well penned my friend!

[Not here]

thank you very much :)

[closed]

pride is a really big obstacle to overcome as a writer
sometimes you can feel like you've been catapulted into space by the ''audience''...

then you enter a contest or something and place last...

but if you can keep your sense of self as an artist
then the fall doesnt have to be so great

the most important thing is that we keep writing
no matter what

as your poem alludes



-Dream

[Not here]

thanks dream :)

[dan]

I'm sorry but the structure of this piece alone almost throws me into a panic attack. Good luck with it. dan

[Not here]

no problem dan

[dan]

not your fault david. my illness is evolving into a more virulent disorder. everything seems manic to me. dan

[Not here]

no its okay i totally understand. keep it up dan